I admit it, I got distracted and didn't have my "homework" ready for today. Yeah, I could have crammed and tried to read and ponder the 3rd chapter of The Four Agreements, but you know what? It's not worth it. This is deep stuff that needs to be read with passion and concentration, not some lame attempt at speed reading just to feel "ready" for today's post.
So what happened? Well, I had lunch with T, one of my dearest friends. We met at Wildfin in Issaquah...she'd heard great things about it and I am always up for trying a new place to eat. I ended up having a small burger and went easy on the fries. I don't eat meat everyday but I guess I was craving red meat way deep down. After a few nights in a row of yummy pasta tossed with a little pesto it was time.
T has been attending these seminars about...understanding men. Really?? And she just raves about them - she says it's totally changed her outlook and viewpoint on dating and relationships, and has strengthened even her friendships with women too. Sounds pretty profound, eh? Wow, what's going on here? How can you learn stuff like this in a class? Led by mostly women?
She smiled and pulled a small paperback book out of her fabulous Hermes Bolide handbag. Called Making Sense of Men, by Alison Armstrong. She couldn't wait to loan it to me! Now, I admit, I'm a "black hole" book borrower (that's a self-coined term by the way). It's not intentional, but I am not a voracious book reader, and books loaned to me, well, tend to get absorbed into a bookcase here forever and ever, never to be returned again and possibly not ever read at all. I promised T I'd do my very best to not do that in this case. And she's pretty tenacious, so I'm sure if I don't return it promptly she'll have no qualms asking for it back - as she should!
Now. If you knew you were going to focus on reading the Third of the Four Agreements, but then had to choose between that and a book suddenly plopped in front of you called Making Sense of Men, what would you do? Read them both perhaps? Well, this is me we're talking about here, and given I don't do a lot of book reading, I caved and chose the Men book to focus on. Can't blame me...plus it would be less likely to end up on a "black hole" bookshelf here in the townhouse.
I didn't know how quick a read this was! I pretty much read it in one evening, and have re-read it a couple of times! Can this topic be summed up in a 70-page book? Well, of course not...we're human and complex creatures. And yeah, I've read John Gray's Mars & Venus books, the 1990s classic The Rules and a few others about dating and relationships too. All endlessly fascinating really...and anything I can learn about these creatures called men who I adore and who also sometimes drive me batshit crazy, well then all the better.
It's fascinating how entirely different we are wired. Amstrong proclaims that 99% of the confusion and frustration between men and women is because we - mistakenly - assume we are versions of eachother. "Men are not hairy women," she goes on to say! Ha ha ha that made me giggle.
She goes on to break down the two types of attraction men have towards women. The first - Sexual Attraction. Obvious, right? OK, I won't give away Armstrong's list of what goes into that - check out the book for yourself. And what does her list of sexual attractions trigger in men? They want to have sex. Period. Doesn't mean they want to date us or have a relationship with us or fall in love with us. Nope. I even remember some John Gray books talking about the same thing a little differently. If a man is physically attracted to a woman, it's just that and nothing else. This confuses us as women, because our first 'degree' of attraction in a man is if he's mentally stimulating to us (whereas in men the first 'degree' is physical). With mental attraction in a man, maybe it's his humor or intelligence that stirs us. By the time we as women are feeling physically attracted we've already gone through two other 'layers' or 'degrees' of attraction if that makes sense. So ladies, if a man is physically attracted to you, enjoy it and don't take it too seriously.
What's the other type of attraction a man has for a woman (but not ALL women per se)? Charmed and Enchanted. Aha! Who wouldn't want to be with a man who is compelled to spend time with you, take care of you, protect you, contribute to you...and make you happy? Without you needing to do anything but just be fabulous YOU? Damn, sign me up. Makes me even swoon here a little just sitting in my office chair, relishing those moments men have done those things for me. Without any need to make any effort and certainly not nag. THAT'S bliss right there.
Armstrong goes on to explain in what she calls "Men-glish" (love that) - what men say and what it means in female-speak. Things they say to us or offer to do for us when they're Charmed and Enchanted. Believe me, I'm not affiliated with the author of this book or the publishing company or anything, but if you're intrigued by my ramblings here, go pick up the book for yourself! One big key? We as women need to be receptive to these wonderful things men want to do for us! Anyone here ever have a man offer you his jacket because it was cold? And responded by a, "...but won't you be cold?" in return? No, no no!! You are not his mother...accept his generosity and snuggle in his jacket for pete's sake! Hell, I never turn down even the grocery store bag boy's offer to carry my bags to my car. Just enjoy it and smile with a warm thank you. Sure it's his job, but you've probably helped make his day too.
And there is serious "juice" required of us to be the best we can be as women. Things like being self-confident and authentic. And if a great outfit and killer pair of shoes helps you get there, go for it. Nope, we can't be self-confident fueled on emptiness like sugar and caffeine. Rest, good nutrition, exercise...THAT'S what does it. Don't forget passion...whether it's for our kids, cross-stitching, volunteer work or salsa dancing, as Armstrong explains. And RECEPTIVITY to men's offerings...the doozy! YES! If that guy asks you out for dinner and you're even the slightest bit interested, go! All you have to do is show up, look your hot self and just enjoy a great evening out. Nothing more, nothing less. Receive it graciously, ladies.
I could go on and on, but I'm just intrigued with these simple yet profound insights from Armstrong in her book. Don Miguel Ruiz, I promise your 3rd chapter is my focus this week!
The Third Agreement: Don't Assume Anything.
Again? Already thinking about what to cook for dinner tonight? After last night's Seafood Fest?
I have that wonderful post-bloat feeling of fantastic food at a fantastic party. And I feel relieved that I don't have to wear anything snug today. Just another lazy Sunday, where the only thing on tap is making a run to Goodwill, read and pick up a few things for dinner. No hockey tonight. Summer season wrapped up with a disappointing shootout loss in our playoff game. I had a major Silpada jewelry event that same night which trumped hockey (rare, because hockey is usually on Sunday nights), so I found out about the loss through my teammates. Bummer. Is it October yet??
Yes, Goodwill. A purge here in the ol' townhouse is very, very overdue. Sometimes I struggle getting going on a home project. I get overwhelmed and then end up procrastinating, doing nothing. I look at the clutter building up here in the home office. And the guest bedroom which is still crowned the Room of Crap and Good Luck Getting to the Ironing Board. Hmmmm. This is NOT OK!!
So what do I do? I play a mental game with myself, and break down an overwhelming task into smaller pieces. Every time I need to go downstairs to the main living room/kitchen level here, I make myself take at least one thing out of the home office or the guest room that needs to go. And I start a pile downstairs near the dining room. Repeat as needed!
Voila - in about 24 hours I had a couple large garbage bags full of old computer shit, knick knacks, books, jewelry, shoes and clothes that are ready for Goodwill! The cute, stuffed polar bear I won at the Puyallup Fair a couple years ago doing Skeeball? Sorry, dude, you'll make a kid happy in your next home. Remember the Left Behind book series from the 1990s? I'd purchased the entire set over time and never cracked open a single one of them, despite numerous raves from many of my friends - even my grandfather. Le Sigh. If I haven't read them after 15 years sitting in my bookcase then it's time for someone else to. Also in the "outta here" pile: a set of 4 glass beer mugs I maybe used once in 20 years. THAT feels good. I looked at the hodge podge of a dozen mismatched wine glasses currently on the floor in the guest room and considered getting rid of them too but I decided to keep them. THOSE are good to have for larger parties. I just need to box them up and get them out of the guest room!
Larger parties...what a segue. I've been looking forward to my new consulting firm's annual Seafood Fest. The staff has been buzzing about it ever since I joined the group in July, and I'm sure they've been in planning mode far earlier than that. "Are you coming?" "Can you make it?" "Can't wait to see you there!" I probably heard this every time I sent in a timesheet or collected my pay stub. The energy was contagious!
And the party was amazing, just as I expected. Our CEO hosted it in her home as she does every year, and just about everything on the menu was made by her and her team from scratch. Right down to the homemade ice cream, her signature dessert! Her home is fantastic for entertaining. She has a front yard with enough room for a large table and chairs plus a couple of grills and a drink stand, a large kitchen and great room on the main level inside, and a huge back deck with room for multiple round tables, mingling and the incredible view looking west toward Puget Sound and across the water to the Kitsap Peninsula (and I think some of Whidbey Island too).
I soaked in the view with a nice glass of Sauvignon Blanc and enjoyed meeting other fellow consultants and chatting with our CEO, T, and her team! What a great team. This really didn't feel like a work-related party...it felt like family. Really and truly. T LOVES to entertain...and it shows. Party for 80 guests? No problem, right?
Seafood fest knocked it out of the park. I'm kicking myself for not getting any pictures of the food with my phone but it was unbelievable. This year the theme was Caribbean, so we had jerk chicken and beef on the grill, blackened halibut (our CEO caught the halibut herself off of Vancouver Island earlier this year - she had the video of it playing in the living room!), rice and bean side dishes, salads with papayas and mangoes, chips and wonderful salsas, and even a couple of pizzas! Dessert was a choice of pineapple or lime-flavored cupcakes, and two kinds of homemade ice cream - pineapple and vanilla with a little cinnamon. Simply incredible.
And the weather turned out decent too - it was a little cloudy during the day but thankfully burned off later in the evening. This summer really hasn't been a summer, so I was happily relieved we had a warm evening last night!
Great people and great food. There simply is no better combination out there. And so many reasons to celebrate!
Now it's time to get started on dinner. While I might not be super hungry after all that wonderful food last night, it DID inspire me to keep honing my cooking skills. I'm pretty good at it, I must say! Practice, practice, practice.
Tonight it's another dish from the Primal Blueprint Cookbook I've posted about a few times before. Chicken and fennel stew with, onions, garlic in a broth of beer and coconut milk, garnished with fresh parsley. Can't wait!
Never have I been so happy to flip a calendar page! Welcome, APRIL!! March, well, you were great for the first five or six days, then you pretty much blew chunks. Better luck next year.
You know what's great about blogging? The power of the written word never ceases to amaze me. I've had a fair amount of feedback on my March posts, for example...from empathy and support all the way to 'get over it...for fuck's sake stop blogging about it.' Hmm. Us Taureans are masters at digging in our heels...we'll do whatever we want to, when we want to. And I'm extremely flattered that people read my writing. It's from me all the way down to my toes. You might not always like what you read in here. Some of my posts I'm very proud of, while others might be mediocre or clunkers. But you can be assured it's all Me.
After about a year and a half blogging (this is my 110th post - wow) I smile and laugh at the variety of topics in here. Maps. Makeup. Childhood memories. Food. The almighty Job Hunt. Whatever it is, I've stayed true to my self-imposed 'rules' in here: no names - initials only. It's OK to call out locations (cities, restaurants, shops) by name but not people. Stay away from political or religious-themed posts. Too polarizing. And the biggest rule of all?
No apologies and no regrets.
When you know you want to start a blog but have zero idea what it's going to be about - well, you need a LITTLE structure, right? I know damn well that once something's out here I can't take it back. Sure, I can remove posts but it really can't be undone. I am human and gloriously flawed as we all are. Some stuff in here may later be cringe-worthy once more time has passed, but it's documented, out there and I can't (and don't want to) do anything about that.
I made one of my favorite dishes last night - Moroccan style chicken with olives. The spice combination is incredible: cumin, ground ginger, cinnamon, paprika and a little cayenne pepper. Combine that with garlic, sauteed chicken in olive oil, kalamata olives, a couple bay leafs, white wine and chicken stock...the aroma is heavenly. Therapeutic even. I threw in a can of diced tomatoes when I discovered that my newest cookbook also has a version of this recipe too.
Still battling through this second cold/sore throat - whatever it's going to evolve into. I volunteered last week with a few co-workers at a middle school where they were conducting police training. They needed actors to simulate various scenarios in a school shooting, such as people running down the hallways screaming, or being hostages held up in a classroom with the shooter. It's a really great experience and the police are so very appreciative of our time so they can train on how to handle what's become a sad fact of reality in our schools - and workplaces too. We wore multiple layers of clothing plus protective headgear as the ammo they use in the training is like paintball on steroids. The headgear is a little like Darth Vader meets Miner's Helmet. Hard to breathe. I got overheated and maybe somehow that made me vulnerable to getting sick again. All I know is I wasn't feeling very good once we were finished, like a bad wave washing over me. But I will definitely volunteer again!
I was chatting with my good friend T today and she reminded me that emotional stress has probably affected my health too. I think she's right. She also recommended saging my house. Gets rid of negative energy. Bad juju. Now, I'm pretty open-minded about stuff but I have always kind of pooh-pooh'd saging. Plus, I don't want my house smelling like I had a million friends over smoking pot all weekend.
But, I jumped in my car and headed down to the PCC - a food co-op and organic grocery store chain here in the Seattle area. I knew that if I wanted sage, that was the closest, most convenient place to find it. And how wonderful to re-discover this store. I used to frequent it far more often when my work commute took me right by it on the way home a couple of years ago. And when I delved into raw food "cooking" and vegan cooking it was one of the best places to find specialty ingredients. With super nice, helpful staff. We are so fortunate here to have such an amazing variety of higher-end, specialty grocery stores.
Is it expensive? Sure. But, after reading The Primal Blueprint I totally get and agree with the author's argument that doing away with processed foods, energy drinks, energy bars, whole grains, dairy, etc means more $$ to devote to what's truly good and healthy for our bodies. Pick up the book if you can - it's a great read and Mark Sisson says it far better than I can here.
So, off I went to purchase some sage. I also stumbled upon some fish oil capsules (I haven't tried these either but they are highly recommended). And I found my favorite gluten-free crackers. I've had a hard time battling my weight gain, which was very gradual over the past 7 or 8 years (after losing about 30 lbs walking a few miles a day for a few months). And I have a weakness for late-night snacking. Things like chips with super hot chipotle salsa and a blob of sour cream. I need to think more about what I'm putting in my body and try staying away from too many carbs, gluten and such. Plus, cutting back on dairy. Now, I've never met a cheese I didn't like, and that's a hard one to give up, honestly. Just a tiny wedge of delicious brie at breakfast can keep me content all the way till lunch. Sounds a little weird I know.
I'm going to try this healthier eating discipline and see where it takes me. Snacking on a handful of (unsalted) nuts. Or gluten free pretzles. Flax seed chips. Holding off on the cheese. Trying rice pasta whenever possible, or running steamed cauliflower through the food processor as a substitute for rice. Can I do this? And wave the smoldering sage around my house, once it's nice enough weather to open the windows? You bet.
And I just found this treat on a friend's Facebook page. Love it.
"This morning at 7:33 AM (Pacific), the Moon renewed itself in Aries... New Moons are always opportunities for setting intentions, for starting, for letting go of what was... Well, what’s going on is that it’s time to be getting on. Time to get on with what needs to be done. Time for all the ways you’ve thought about it to become reasons for how you are doing it. — Jon Waldrup, Sense of Vision Astrology"
Now, when's it supposed to warm up around here anyway?
I can now just about count on one hand the number of people I know where the first part of March truly is...a march. An emotional, gut-wrenching march. Is it the battle of Fledgling Spring vs. Late Winter out there? Is it the lingering end of the February "blahs" (see my last post). What IS it about this time of year? And the whole 'in like a Lion' thingy too, with a nod way back to elementary school years. Yep, in like a lion - out like a lamb. Guess we'll see how Lamb-y the month wraps up.
This stupid cold morphed into an even more stupid hacking, lingering cough. Billions and billions of hackhackhacks and seemingly gallons of phlegm. Good lordy already I've felt like ripping my sinuses out. And I actually took a true "sick day" from work on Tuesday, where I pretty much shut off my laptop and phone and said hey kids, sorry, this shop's closed. And went through a bottle of cough syrup in about 2 days too. The next day I had an early morning presentation to finish up and preview with my manager, plus some hard finger crossing that I could get through it without a major coughing fit.
I did and it went well. The major coughing fit actually happened later at the end of the day, when I stepped out of the office to meet up with my Director at the consulting firm who placed me in this current work assignment. After about an hour of talking and white boarding with him, I suddenly burst into a coughing fit, one where I had to bolt to the ladies room and just hack until it subsided. Hilarious! OK, it is now but at the time extremely embarrassing. No, I'm not crying...really. My throat and voice are just shot. And when that happens, my eyes water. Yay me.
And evening conversation. G's father passed away two years ago on March 2. He came by and we talked about this and other things and you know, I really don't want to elaborate in here. Not that the whole friggin' world reads this blog, but some things need to stay deliciously private. And they will.
Can you feel even closer to someone while learning at the very same time that there's so much more to that special someone that you don't yet know? But (and?) as you listen with every fiber of your being, saying something like "Man, I know how you feel," rings fake and hollow. Because I can't possibly know. I can't possibly. But my Care is bottomless.
I do know the feeling of deep, deep feelings woven in with our lifelong memories...like one's life as a big lake or ocean where some parts are calm while others are chock full of weeds or logjams. And there are cool, sexy waterfalls, swirling currents...and in some places dangerous undertow. Old patterns that we all have and we are so seductively drawn to, however destructive they might be. But they're familiar, right? Do we get sucked in, tugged and pulled back under again, or do we learn how to manage the deep tides, rhythms and storms that wax and wane inside us...when can you get close to your undertow? When do you steer far clear? And when do we learn how to swim through it all? Or how to tread water? Perhaps it's a lifelong Learning Swim.
B passed away 3 years ago on the 3rd. She was a dear friend from the hockey league and just an absolute joy. She had a game late in the evening of March 2nd. I'd seen her a couple nights prior at a Silvertips game with K, the guy who I was dating at the time - she was working one of the raffle tables in the arena. I gave her a huge hug and introduced her to K. And that was the last time I ever saw her. For during the last period of her team game two nights later on the 2nd, she suddenly was having trouble breathing on the bench. Game stopped, paramedics called. They did everything they possibly could but we lost her early that next morning. An aortic aneurism they said.
And I sobbed and sobbed. Sobbed so much I was sobbing that next morning while plumbers were at my house trying to fix a massive, unexpected overnight water leak in my garage. Hey guys, a friend of mine died last night, but carry on with what you're doing.
I'll never forget B. Her laugh, smile and warm heart. I have her initials and her beloved (jersey) #8 on my helmet in tribute.
On Friday I was chugging away at work - I share a large cubicle now with a co-worker - we've all just moved to a different building. And I sensed something a little 'off.' When I turned to glance over my shoulder, she was crying. Whaaa? L'd just found out a good friend lost a hardfought cancer battle. And my heart broke.
I fell into the weekend physically and mentally exhausted. G invited me over for dinner and for dessert-making for his Supper Club gathering which was the following evening. We had a relaxing evening combined with cooking projects, and were both so spent when we were done that 10pm felt like 2am. Sleeeeeeeeep.
G's Supper Club rotates hosting between 5 different couples - the theme changes each time too. Plus, the hosting couple gets to invite a sixth Guest couple of their choosing. Food themes? Well, sometimes No Theme is the theme and that's what Saturday's dinner was. Exquisite food, warm company and conversation. From potato leek soup with creme fraiche, parlsey and bacon...to arugula, pine nuts and goat cheese wrapped in prosciutto, to a mixed green salad with shallots, an incredible vinegar dressing plus small puffs of fried, breaded goat cheese nestled on top...to homemade duck sausage corn dogs with hand-crafted curry mustard, lamb sliders with aoli, lettuce and tomato on homemade brioche buns (and fingerling potato chips)...to dessert.
When I passed out pint glasses partially filled with Guiness for 'dessert', the table went abuzz. Just what in the heck were G and I going to serve up? Then, shot glasses filled with a mix of Jameson and Baileys. And beautifully-plated homemade vanilla bean ice cream with (homemade) chocolate dipping sauce and chocolate chip cookies with hazlenuts and cacao nibs. Yep, you drop that shot glass into your pint glass and Bottoms Up, my friend. That's an Irish Immigrant Car Bomb, by the way...a nod to G, Sr.
It felt good to reconnect with G by spending a good chunk of the weekend together. Let's face it, he'd been in Australia for two weeks and then he and I were each some sort of Sick for a week or two following that. Quarantined from eachother and tired for so many different reasons emotionally and physically. Perhaps now things will resume some sort of 'normal,' whatever that might be. I feel happy and relaxed with him and am enjoying this still-new journey we're on together. With emphasis on new, of course. What's yet to become we don't know. We talk about future things we want to do together - plans which make me smile in anticipation of experiencing more things together...and yet I can't help but stick the cautious card in there too. Is that OK, I have to wonder? Or this me trying to go full speed with the brakes on, my old self-protecting patterns? I don't know what about that is healthy or what is not. I just know I have to be true to myself, honest and open-hearted. And not self-doubt or second guess.
My eyes sparkle and my heart flutters when I'm with him. There's much, much more beyond that, but I think that's a great place to start.
And March marches on.
...asking this question in my best Carrie Bradshaw-esque narrative/musing style. If you're a Sex and the City fan like me (HBO Series a few years ago for those who have been living under a rock) you know what I'm talking about.
But even if you don't you might be intrigued by this post's title perhaps? And are there scientific studies out there?
My answer is who cares about scientific studies!! There's no better way to welcome your man back home from a long 2-week overseas vacation. Halfway across the planet mind you. And the bitch of the international date line when returning. 20+ hours of flying plus what the hell day/time is it anyway?
I literally bounced out of bed on Saturday morning - far earlier than my usual snoozefest. I knew G's flight was scheduled to arrive early afternoon but who knows with flight delays how it would really turn up. Well, turns out his flights were pretty much on time. I fell back into bed in a blissful doze, enjoying the unexpected sunshine pouring through my bedroom window blinds. The sun felt SO warm and glorious inside, but damn it was cold outside!
After some morning coffee and a quick shower I blasted down to the airport, my heart pounding and fluttering. Had it really been a whole two weeks since G was away? I'd gotten emails from him nearly every day - very unexpected given he wasn't sure how much online time he would have, plus the texting/calling fees are outrageous. No worries there.
I won't ever forget seeing him walk up to my car at the airport in the sunshine...big smile, great shades and looking incredibly hot in his travel gear. And bringing him back to his apartment so we could just crash out and spend some wonderful time together...so very missed. And oh - did we forget to eat? Does he feel like eating? Yes! Time for a late lunch.
I was perfectly OK with just letting him sleep given I had no idea how exhausted he would be, but was glad he wanted to hang out for awhile before going back home to sleep. So we grabbed a couple burgers + manhattan for him/beer for me, with more of that incredible winter sunshine streaming through the restaurant windows.
And then while hearing all about his trip, suddenly there was a long, black jewelry box on the table.
He bought me the most incredibly gorgeous Opal bracelet...a double row of oval-shaped, turquoise blue opals set in sterling silver. AHHH, this is so incredibly gorgeous it took my breath away and I about burst into tears. Turquoise blue is probably one of my favorite colors of all time and I LOVE all things sterling silver. This beautiful bracelet, now on my wrist thanks to his help and a big kiss too makes me so happy. And you know, I'm not really in general a huge gifts-oriented person...I'm more of a quality time type girl when it comes to Love Languages [see my post on our weekend at Discovery Park and elsewhere], but I'm blown away by his generosity.
Generosity with a huge helping of quality time too. Today we met up for a long walk around my neighborhood, loved hearing more about his trip and then went off to see friends at their house for dinner. Soft tacos and delicious southwest-style homemade soup with pork, green chilies, cilantro, hominy and spices. Bliss. These are some of the people from his supper club which I was very honored to join for the first time back in January. And we'll be meeting up again here in early March.
His family. And how humbled, welcomed and happy I feel to be a part of this group.
