Time has a steady tick-tock, an unwavering rhythm marching forward no matter our emotional states or perceptions. Ever have days where you blink your eyes and "all of a sudden" the day's flown by? Or those days you check a couple extra clocks around the house or on your phone just to make sure your watch hasn't stopped or the power's gone out? So baffling how the same timeframe can feel so vastly different.
I met someone recently while getting back out there dating - an absolutely wonderful, charming man. Something different about him; I can't tell you how incredibly rare it is to have a first date that doesn't feel like a first date - rather more like a continuation of "something" but you can't put your finger on exactly what. Frank conversations about what we're looking for. Things like no games and no drama. Charm, chemistry, laughs, daily calls and texts that set my heart a-flutter and my feet floating.
My schedule's been fairly busy even without having a job right now. The networking continues, my 2010 job search record (a bigass spreadsheet) continues to grow daily, there are a couple of warm leads in progress and I know every day is a day closer to whatever the next gig is supposed to be. I try to get in the gym every other day and relish the time now when I can go during off-peak hours (I've got a 5K coming up in about a month so this is good incentive!) And I'm still playing hockey once a week. I had a great night out with a group of friends recently and got another job lead - a nice, unexpected surprise (the hockey community here is very tight; we truly look out for one another - thanks K if you are reading this).
I haven't felt a need to wonder and wait by the phone after these first few dates. I've felt cherished, reassured and adored.
Either I have been royally schlugged over (yeah, I just made that word up) or I am letting insecurities bubble up and try to drive me batshit crazy. A handful of wonderful dates, fun and effortless conversations, great food and drinks at nice restaurants, chemistry, warmth, loads of compliments, talk about wanting me to meet a good friend of his or being mentioned to a very close sibling, oh and to be told to be sure to call his landline instead of the cell around "x" times because the cell doesn't work in "y" location - yeah I ate it all up with a spoon and big ol' swoon. Agreeing we want to focus on dating one person at a time and not "date around." No one would say that stuff if they didn't care about keeping in touch or wanting to see where things might lead, right? Hell, I don't even know right now if I should be writing this in present or past tense!!
My phone's been silent a little over a day and a half. So why does it feel like three fucking months?
Hoo boy. They say traditionally a woman shouldn't have any need to call a man. Men do the pursuing, right? Give them space, they're like rubber bands and need to stretch out before springing back and all that. I do get that for real. But I admit the bar got set very high here very early on...daily, romantic chitchat on days we weren't seeing eachother for starters. And plans made in the future to look forward to (none of that "I'll call you" shizz). So when that suddenly grinds to a screechy halt I have to wonder. I wonder if this is really for real or if it was just a fleeting thing.
I caved. Or, rather, I decided to put the 'no games' talk into motion. I sent a quick 'good morning, hope you have a wonderful day' text today. I have a very good feeling I'll have my "answer" of sorts sooner than later.
I wonder if I will be able to go back and redo this post in the past tense, delete it altogether or edit to add how silly I was to think this was just a delicious blip.
For now, ahem, we'll have to call it Pipe Cleaning.