Wow...how fun that my typical blogging day - Sunday - is New Years Day! What sprang from unemployment, boredom, frustration and a lifelong passion for writing is now over two years strong - this September ol' fivenineteen here will be 3. THREE! This will likely be the most productive thing I do all day. Oh, and taking the Christmas tree down too. Thankfully it's a 4 foot artificial tree. Easy to pull apart and pack up until next time.
I remember as a kid I didn't really "believe" it was the New Year until I saw it in writing. Which meant seeing the new year in print on the newspaper the next morning. There still is a part of me that feels that way...although now it's the date readout on my cell phone, my home landline phone or even the little clock on the corner of the laptop screen here. Yep, it's Sunday January 1, 2012. Wow.
It's only natural to reflect back on the year that Was...2011 started off with a bang. Literally. My family said goodbye way too soon to a family member - my cousin's ex wife - at age 41. And a new relationship...intense, yes, which flamed out quickly. And, admittedly, took me awhile to process. Thanks to time and some newly-discovered wisdom shared with me by my dear friend T, it's all so clear to me now. And so great to just Let It All Go.
My health took a nosedive in late winter/early spring last year. Enough to where any plans to hit the gym and train for the year's 5Ks went out the window. We had Typhoid Mary run rampant in that team's cubicle farm. I coughed for two months straight. Here's a tall glass of water in a plastic tumbler toast to a MUCH healthier 2012...with 5Ks to boot! Hmmm, I might steer clear of the gym for a few weeks and try getting outside to exercise. Such a cliche...it's jam packed in January - too hard to get a free treadmill!
I'm optimistic and hopeful about the economy and my job. Save for a two-week break last year between engagements, I was employed all of 2011!! WHAT a relief after the mess of late 2009 and first half of 2010. We HAVE to pull out of this drudgery that is a recession/depression/whatever it is. It sucks and I have good friends still feeling the burn.
My confidence in my Silpada jewelry business only continues to grow and grow...every conversation, every party, every question about my jewelry and what I'm doing only fuels me that I can really DO this, have fun, and make a surprisingly great commission on the side! Just by "selling" a product I've loved for years! (I use "selling" in quotes because it does not really feel like selling at all in the traditional sense.) Just sharing info with people! I meet up regularly with other local reps and the friendships that have grown from them are simply fabulous. Incredible women.
And what a great crescendo on the last part of 2011 when the consulting work I did for free back in 2010 popped into some extra paying work for a couple of months in late 2011! That project is on hold right now, but there is a very strong chance we'll resume work again with the client later this year. Fascinating...and who knows where it could lead? I will be at my current full-time job through late June this year and I know it will go fast. And believe me, I know how to network. If I could stay on longer with this team through June I would leap at the opportunity. But since I do consulting engagements, that's not part of the deal usually. Budget cycles and all mean consultants come and go. Nothing personal.
I feel truly happy and blessed...big smiles as I welcome 2012 and look outside into the sunshine. Time to get outside for a walk!
When I read or hear those words in the title above I get childhood flashbacks. I can hear my first or second grade teacher tell this repeatedly to us in class as we worked on whatever assignment she gave us. Or my parents telling me the very same thing whether it was in ballet class, that paper mache project, Easter egg dyeing or learning to ride a bike without training wheels. Over and over.
But it's also the 4th agreement in Don Miguel Ruiz's book The Four Agreements. Ah. A few weeks back I made a commitment to read one chapter a week and blog about it. And I'm just a couple weeks behind given another book which distracted me profoundly and a quick mental vacay on my typical blogging day Sunday last week. But it's all good. Now I am realizing this is probably my last post of 2011. Where does the time go?
OK, focus. Ruiz sums up this chapter like this: "Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret."
See what I mean about words that are so simple and so profound? I've probably made that comment ten million times in each post about these Agreements. Don't plan on this book being a quick read if you really want to get the most out of it. You'll want to re-read each chapter several times.
And the beauty of this chapter is that this 4th agreement points back to the other 3. Always Do Your Best to...1. Be Impeccable with your Word; 2. Don't Take Things Personally; and 3. Don't Make Assumptions.
Ruiz goes on to explain how much "doing our best" will vary. When we're relaxed and refreshed our best is going to be better than when we're tired. It will be different when we are happy as opposed to upset. And, as we continue to incorporate the 4 Agreements into our lives, our best will become better than it used to be.
If we do our best we won't judge ourselves. We won't punish ourselves. Ahhh...how freeing is this!! Especially someone like me who inherited a big ol' Perfectionism gene. If it couldn't be perfect - whatever it was - it (or rather, I) sucked. I beat myself up. Or I'd get so overwhelmed I'd procrastinate or even worse not do something at all. What an ugly downward spiral!
It's taken years for me to wrestle and fight off that unreasonable, unrealistic quirk that's so deep in my DNA. Probably a little over ten years ago when I first started seeing a therapist was this pointed out to me. HUH? Well, she was right.
My new, more modern, personal mantra? "Excellence, not perfection." And I guess that's similar to this 4th Agreement in a way. These words resonate deep in my bones whether I'm focusing on a work project, getting ready to hit the ice and play hockey or continue to grow my Silpada jewelry business. And every other area of my life too.
Ruiz explains more: "When you do your best, you take action. Doing your best is taking the action because you love it, not because you're expecting a reward." He goes on to explain the cliche of a worker. A worker who only works because he/she is expecting the reward - the paycheck. They work hard the whole week, suffering the actions. They have to work to pay the rent, to support their family...and when they do get their paycheck they are unhappy. There's only a couple days to rest (aka the weekend) and they then try to escape by getting drunk or what have you.
If we take action just for the sake of doing something without expecting a reward, we will enjoy every action we do. If we like what we do, if we always do our best, we are really, truly enjoying life. We have fun, we don't get bored and we don't have frustrations. Man, sign me up!
What about when life takes away something from us? Ruiz explains - "...let it go. When you surrender and let go of the past, you allow yourself to be fully alive in the moment...if you live in a past dream, you don't enjoy what is happening right now, because you will always wish it to be different than it is. There is no time to miss anyone or anything because you are alive. Not enjoying what is happening right now is living in the past and being only half alive. This leads to self-pity, suffering and tears."
Practice makes the master. Ruiz reminds us that we didn't learn to speak, read, write or ride a bike right out of the box. We had to practice, practice, practice! And not judge ourselves when we fall. If we break one of the Agreements, we tell ourselves OK, we'll start over again tomorrow and try again. It will be challenging at first, but as we practice we will get better and better at honoring all four. Stay in the moment and do not worry about the future.
See why this book is going to be a perma-fixture on my bedside table for awhile? It's powerful stuff. Life transforming.
After reading this book I now feel like I have a new, freshly-sharpened set of tools ready to make 2012 an even better year than this one was!
Today is December 26, 2011. It's the beginning of A New Dream.
Ah, bridges.
How much we depend upon our beloved bridges around here in the beautiful Puget Sound region. Pulsing arteries jampacked with cars, buses, bikes - and painfully clogged during those peak commuter hours. We've got so much natural gorgeousness around us...lakes, the Sound (salt water), rivers, mountains - all within a short drive for most of us. Meaning, you can't go far without eventually running into one of those.
Today was the annual Beat the Bridge run/walk to benefit the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation. The jewelry line I represent, Silpada Designs, has JDRF as its charity of choice. One of the girls on our local team here had a wonderful idea for us to do Beat the Bridge and pledge to donate the commission from one of our jewelry parties as part of our fundraising! What a great idea! With 10 of us participating and an average party commission at around $300 (yes, it's true) we were excited to set our team goal at $3000! Which bridge you may wonder? The University Bridge, not far from the U of W campus where the race starts and finishes.
This was planned back in February. And yes, we had the best of intentions. However, the Universe had other intentions, which I discovered around 6am this morning.
Bottom line, we didn't go. Damn that pouring rain already!
I knew that I'd be walking most if not all of this 8K - and most of the other girls were planning to as well. Back in February I figured this would be a great way to kickstart getting back in shape for this summer's 5Ks by restarting the Couch to 5K plan I've written about in here occasionally over the past year. It's an 8-week running and walking program - just 3 times a week - that gets you ready to run a 5K when you're done. And yes, it works!
But illness and stress earlier this year really sapped my energy and my poor lungs. I had a bad cold and cough for about two months - it just wouldn't go away. It was all I could do to eeek out a game of hockey, much less hit the treadmill or go outside in our (cold, shitty) winter weather. Soggy, soggy soggy.
Nevertheless, I was ready to get out of bed super early and drive to the freeway bus stop where my carpool was going to scoop me up this morning on the way into Seattle.
But let me back up to Saturday for a minute...a glorious, sensuous, warm and sunny day - the kind of day we've been starving for here all spring. Spring so far this year has been a repeat of our rain-soaked, chilly winter sans the snow. I had a few things planned for Saturday but decided to squeeze in another mini-adventure when it dawned on me that I really should verify I know how to get to the freeway bus stop where my carpool was going to pick me up. I had an idea in my mind of how to get there, but realized it had been - gasp - nearly 10 years since I'd ventured to that bus stop with a friend. I'd better go drive over and check it out! And it was a beautiful day - a perfect excuse to open the sun roof and get some vitamin D the natural way, crank some music and just drive.
So what's the big deal about this bus stop? Well, it's perched literally at land's end before the freeway turns into one of our two floating bridges that connect Seattle with the suburbs. These bridges were built decades ago and at the time were very state of the art given they 'float.' Lake Washington was determined too deep to do any sort of structural building underneath, hence the floating design. And I'll keep it to that because I'm no expert in structural engineering.
Now, there is an oddly creepy-looking pedestrian bridge over the freeway on the east side of the lake, which is how my friend P and I last got to that bus stop nearly a decade ago. P and I have fallen out of contact and I'd forgotten where we had parked to walk across that bridge, hence my sunny journey in the car yesterday.
Boy am I glad I checked it all out. There are major projects underway to build a second portion of this particular floating bridge to help with congestion...and, as I soon found out, plans to remove that pedestrian bridge! Yep, once I figured out where to park and found the foot trail that was supposed to get me to the pedestrian overpass it was all blocked off. Wow.
So it was a neon yellow vinyl fence that stopped me from my foot journey over the freeway. And I was not one to rebel and climb through. Who knows - it might not be structurally sound any longer. Actually that's not a good feeling since thousands of cars drive under it every day, but anyway I wasn't going to chance it.
But I looked across the freeway and could see people waiting at that elusive bus stop. How the hell did they get over there? There was no parking lot near it at all - just a carved out covered area in a small, grassy hillside to stand or sit.
As I started to get a little frustrated (NOW what?) I paused for a moment and just drank in everything around me. I'm standing on a dirt trail in beautiful sunshine. I'm mere steps from incredibly ritzy homes (in the 'high rent district' neighborhood around here called Medina). And I'm also mere steps from, well, a 20 foot drop down to a roaring river freeway, with the hillside below covered in tangled, dirty weeds from decades of car exhaust. How rare is it we stand still so close to a freeway like this? Thankfully my time roadside has been those rare occasions when I've been in a fender-bender or have a flat tire. It's just astonishing watching and hearing the amount of cars whizzing by every second and being so close perched at the angle above it on the foot trail. I think back on how many thousands of times in my life I have gone back and forth over that bridge. As a child in the back seat of my parents' old station wagon. On my own as a teen and a freshly-minted drivers license in an orange 1970 Volvo (LOVED that car, wow). And countless times as an adult.
I jumped back in my car and drove back to the main road. Aha! I found a small, gravelly parking lot for bus commuters. The trick was to park there and walk over the main road that goes over the freeway, not the pedestrian bridge. Then, jump onto the trail on the bus stop side and voila - you're there! Wow, cryptic. Believe me I tried searching online for maps long before I got in the car. Anyway, a little resourcefulness pays off.
I walked over the freeway, again in awe of the cars whooshing by below me. And looked to the west toward our beautiful, shining Lake Washington and the Olympic Mountains a little hazy along the horizon. This is our back yard. And how awesome it was to take it in on foot rather than as a stressed out commuter. As I stepped onto the foot trail down to the bus stop I ran into a very nice lady out walking her dog. She was disappointed that the pedestrian bridge was now closed off - she sounded like she walked over it fairly often so this might have been a really recent closure.
After my bridge and freeway adventure I drove over to my friend M's house. Back in the car, I laughed to myself and thought WOW, I am SO GLAD I did all that foot trail and bus stop homework a day ahead of time. I am a terrible morning person and I would have been a total zombie case trying to figure it out that morning, worrying my carpool would be held up.
After a quick visit with M (she is going to host a jewelry party in combination with her new office opening and we're so excited!), I headed back home, grabbed a bottle of pinot grigio and walked up to my neighbor A's house. We're getting in a groove of watching any of The Real Housewives series (on Bravo) that she has in her Tivo a couple of times a month. Sadly I have not yet made the switch to flat screen TV but that's another post. If any of you follow the New York housewives, you'll understand the pinot grigio (it's the signature drink of one of the cast).
So after getting caught up with A and laughing our asses off at fabulous trainwreck TV, I headed home to carbo load with some penne and pesto and forced myself to bed early. I knew I had to leave the house around 6am to get to that good ol' bus stop for my carpool.
And, it started to rain. What a huge contrast from the tease of sunny spring we had earlier in the day. I kept optimistic - the weather forcecast for Sunday was a 'chance of showers.' Actually, around here you could use that forecast every day and be pretty accurate.
I was tired this morning. But I got out of bed, got dressed in my walking/running gear and after scaring myself looking in the mirror I dabbed on a small bit of foundation (my face is naturally ruddy so anything to tone it down helps) and a little flick of mascara for those tired eyes. Keys, hat, sunglasses (I'm eternally optimistic plus sensitive to glare)...and...phone.
Wow. My phone had blown up with tons of voicemail and texts last night after I'd forced myself to go to bed early, but I didn't see any of it until early this morning. I keep my phone downstairs at night because I don't feel a need to have it with me 24/7.
When I saw how my carpool driver plus a ton of others in the group were going to cancel, the wind went out of my sails. Just poof and pffffttt. Why cancel? Rain. Yep, it was still raining hard this morning and even still is now in the early afternoon.
So I was a sheep and I bailed too. I felt a little dejected because I was looking forward to trying this race for the first time with friends, but I have to know that it just wasn't meant to be. And I won't dig too deep for the reason right now.
'Cause I'm tired.
May already?? Wow.
Well, it was quite a week. And how could we not recap a week without a big nod to the Royal Wedding - ? C'mon, even the most anti out there saw a few clips of it or at least the pictures? And maybe even cracked a smile? It was breathtaking. Not so breathtaking for me to feel like getting up at 3am to watch it live, but I do know of a few ladies who did get up early and have a pajama party - with their best HATS on. Love it! And pass the tea and scones, please, darling.
So, changes. Changes are good - good to refresh, re-analyze and re-group. My work assignment is getting a brief extension at least into the summer - possibly into the fall - but that still has not hashed out. Good Lord have I been back at work nearly a year? Yes indeed. All of that stress and anguish I went through prior to landing this gig won't soon be forgotten. So nice to have it far in the rear view mirror. But with a few scars...and that's OK.
Two of my closest co-workers wrapped up their assignments this week and are moving on. One won't be going too far it turns out, as she'll be joining kind of a 'cousin' team of ours, but I'll miss her 'partner in crime' that she's been this past year. Another is required to take about 3 months off - that's the rules with some kinds of contingent workers - and she is hoping to return and pick up where she left off.
I'm happy for them both but admittedly a little sad. But moreso I have a shitload of hilarious memories. Things that may have sucked before but are now funny.
I capped off the workweek with a wonderful dinner with my dear friend L at Brix, a wine bar a short drive from my house. She's a part of that circle of friends I get together with a few times a year - we're all about the same age and went to elementary school together. Unwinding over a nice pinot gris and to die for risotto was heavenly. L and I can just smile at eachother and 'know' what we're each thinking. Oodles of memories over some 35 years.
And the silver, silver, silver flows and flows. I'm taking a few extra steps in my Silpada business by doing a sort of correspondence course with a coach at the corporate offices. She sends me 'homework' each week for 4 weeks and I send it back at the end of the week. She sends me feedback, the next week's 'homework,' and we also chat on the phone during the week too.
Ugh. I know myself pretty well and am realizing where I'm doing well in promoting my business and where I suck monkey butt. I have a party next weekend that I'm SUPER excited about. And one night I met up with a good friend I hadn't seen in quite awhile for dinner and half priced bottles of wine. She asked about the jewelry I was wearing, I let her road test a few pieces during dinner, and voila - that evening I had a very nice order from her! So I feel comfortable when people approach me with questions or compliments. I've been complimented on my jewelry from random strangers in the grocery store to the cashier in one of our work cafeterias. You can bet I never go anywhere without my jewelry on and a handful of business cards. Yes, I'm learning the nuts and bolts of direct selling. It's all about connections, people! The woman who is hosting my party next week noticed my jewelry at work and it just flowed from there. You never know!
But I hate picking up the damn phone. It's no problem for me when I'm doing follow up calls to make sure people are happy with their jewelry and to answer any other questions, but just making outbound calls to people I know to talk about what I'm doing and to ask if they'd like to host parties. Well, ew. I am so not a sales person, and frankly, when I get home from work I am tired and the last thing I feel like doing is picking up the phone. I feel like I'm intruding on people's dinner time or other quality time with family. And you know I don't mean to be whiney in here because I DO love what I'm doing as a side business, but that's the area I need to really work on.
And it suddenly dawned on me why.
Email! Texting! Facebook! So much of my immediate circle communication is through non-phone, social media methods! Aha! Is that something unique to me? Or to this part of the country? I have beautiful snail mail postcards in my supplies which are used to send out reminders about parties. I don't know about any of you, but around here we stick with Evite. Is it because it's 'green'? Or technological? It's SO much easier to set up parties and have reminders sent automatically via email.
So these are some fun self-discovery things...part of the reason I chose to start this business was to get out of my comfort zone and do something I'd never done before. Same as my plunge into hockey back in 2003.
I'll be speaking during part of our monthly team meeting this week and I'm really honored to be asked. It's very informal - just sharing the tips I've learned from this 4-week course I'm doing on my own - but I really appreciate the chance to participate more in our meetings. 'Cause they're super fun!!
And now it's time to head to the bank and run other fun errands. Got a shiny new Silpada license plate frame on my car - let's see what happens!
Oh February, February, you fickle bitch you. Teasing us with the promise of spring - love seeing those crocuses coming up and even a few zings of sunshine - and then whomping our butts with SNOW and COLD as we're about ready to dive into March! Yep, we had a few inches of snow, icy winds and temperatures down the in the teens at night. UGH, my power bill is going to be out of control yet again this month. The snow is beautiful...but no thanks so late in winter.
So how do you banish the blahs? You get out of the house and downtown for a change of scenery and some down & dirty live blues!
Exhibit A: the Highway 99 Blues Bar in Seattle. Gotta hand it to my friends D & B who invite a group of us out several times a year for different kinds of live music and dancing. A couple months ago it was live disco - now, the Blues! And I'm a suburban girl who needs to get my city fix on more and more, plus I LOVE checking out new venues. Great friends, great music and a big ol' dance floor - sounds good to me!
So ironically a few hours before hearing the Blues, I got smacked with the Blues myself. Totally came out of nowhere.
Let me back up here a little. And come with me on this tangent. I'd invited G to come along with me to this a few weeks ago, even before he left on his trip to Australia. And I was sooo excited he said yes. This was going to be the first time introducing him to a few of my friends and I was so over the top giddy! Weeee!
But the reality is he came down with a really bad bug a few days after coming back home. And who wouldn't after flying in a tube with hundreds of people halfway around the planet sharing god knows what icky germs for hours and hours, plus the shock of weather change from Australian summer to our freakazoidal cold snap here right? Yuck. We jokingly called it the Australian Wallaby Flu.
So he laid low for a few days and I had a couple of girls nights out earlier in the week, just keeping myself busy meanwhile. By Friday I was missing him so bad! And he came by to take me to dinner. We thought a margarita at the Mexican place walking distance from my house would kill off the germs but no dice. He was still hacking away. But you know I was so happy to see him, it didn't matter that by 8pm he was pretty much toast. Dang, this was a bad bug already, not leftover jeg lag! And ahhh, kisses and walking back home. I took his arm as we walked. You know, I really love that feeling. Nice and strong. A little stargazing too - LOVE that.
Now it's Saturday, and he's still feeling like crap. And he calls me and says he's really sorry but he's gonna have to bail on going out to the club with me.
Oh no oh no oh no. My heart sank. And I mentally started to topple over into a shitty thought place I'd thought I'd left behind over a decade ago. Being flaked out on. Being let down at the last minute. Guys who say they'll be there for me and change on a dime with no rational reason and don't show up. Fuck!
But screechy record sound already. The dude is sick! He doesn't flake out on me!! And it's not 2000 or 2001!! And oh dear lord this mental yin and yang was gonging in my head and I choked up. The rational vs. the emotional. My voice wobbled on the phone I'm sure. I don't recall all of what I said but I told him I felt totally bummed and now didn't feel like going either.
Meanwhile, the Bling. Yes, I got this call about a half hour before I was expecting some girlfriends (and my Mom!) at my house for an informal jewelry show and open house. Had my dining table decked out in beautiful scarves (nice alternative to a tablecloth) and trays of gorgeous jewelry ready to be touched and tried on. A little wine, sparkling water and some munchies. Weee! And now I'm feeling like a deflated balloon. But I gotta dig deep, shake it off and be the happy Hostess here!
And I did and was. We had a wonderful afternoon - this was a mix of friends who had not yet met eachother, nor had anyone met my Mom yet either! We had a great time. And you know, girl talk helps too. B (of D & B) came by too and when I told her G couldn't make it after all she was all oh man that's too bad, but next time. Just hearing those words made me realize that my old residue feelings from many, many years ago, have no place here. It's the PAST. No room! It has nothing to do with G and me. And my feelings, while, yes, they are my feelings, aren't the point here. Meaning, G is sick, end of story. He'll be back to normal in a day or two.
HUHHHHHHH. So that was my mental workout and I was glad to have friends with me, B's keepin' it real advice, and time to sell a little bling. In fact, the party sales put me past the goal I'd set for myself when I started this side business!! Woo hooooooo!
Then, it was time for the Blues. G called while I was just about at the club and it was so good to hear his voice. I was feeling a lot better about everything and even about ready to laugh at myself for how I'd reacted earlier. And when I was still not sure exactly where this club was, he looked it up on his laptop and helped me find it over the phone. Which was awesome, by the way.
I met up with D, B and a couple other couples (wow, good thing they got there early and got a table - the place was packed!). LOVED the music. There were two bands that night - first was the Karen Lovely band (she's in the pic up top). If Janis Joplin had a niece, this woman would be her. Freaking killer pipes. I was totally blown away - she far outshone the second act.
Then, I suddenly felt tired. And feverish. And then chills and my throat was sore. What was going on here? Did I catch something from G? Or was it the combo of a fun, sweaty basement bar and talking loudly, combined with a pulled pork sandwich and a couple of Stellas?
Nope. I was coming down with a cold. Who knows where it came from. But how ironic. B even said she's been battling one over a week now. Yes, it's February alright.
As we left the bar later and walked back to our cars, the cold air blasted right into my lungs. Cold, icy wind off the water. When I got to my car, I looked up and smiled. For I'd parked just steps from the steam plant where my Dad was CEO for many years before he retired. Something about seeing that building that literally put food on the table for my family and so much more, where Dad invested years in his career and turned the company from a bump on a log to a thriving operation made me do a big mental full circle. The plant chugs along 24/7 as it has for over 100 years. My past. And my emotional loopy doop was the last gasp (let's hope please!) of an old head rhythm whose tune is long past its prime.
DONE.
