It's been a pretty relaxing weekend...dang, that first week back after the holidays can be a little intense. But nothing a virtual helmet and heat shield can't fix. I laugh to myself as I write this, for two years ago the New Year started off for me unemployed. And went that way for several, sometimes-very-painful months. So I suppose I should keep my trap (er, keyboard?) shut and not complain. On the other hand, maybe this is a sign that times are getting better workwise and we're back to the routine again.
I got quite a few tasks done at home including getting tons of mail sorted through, read, bills paid and everything shredded up for recycling. Dang that feels good! I am so happy that lots of magazines now have an option to renew subscriptions online instead of mailing in a check. I have a bad habit of going sure, renew me, and then I mail in one of those "bill me later" forms. Well, when you do that in October and you haven't yet paid by January...oops. Anyway, thanks to the internet I'm good to go. And I just have a couple of quick thank you notes to write for Christmas gifts and I'll be in good shape.
My mailbox goes a tad crazy over the holidays with Christmas cards, great pictures and those often-polarizing Christmas card letters. Oh how I - mostly - enjoy reading them and hearing what everyone's up to. I read and wonder wow, it's been years and years since I've seen some of these families. Where does the time go? And I giggle that I even still receive Christmas cards from people at all...the last time I ever sent out any myself was probably 1996.
Those letters! Mostly super enjoying to savor and read, but others seem rather self-indulgent and even arrogant. Blech. No thanks.
Then there's my college BFF, P. Her family Christmas letters are so full of love - love for family and for everyone - and the love just comes bouncing off the page as I read. And she always includes a hand-written very nice blurb at the end of the letter. This year's words just went straight to my heart: "I hope you know how I think of you and talk about you often. We made some great memories and though we don't talk much I still see you as a best friend." I about burst into tears of happiness....yes...THIS is EXACTLY how I feel too!
P and I were sorority sisters in college. We were not really in the same circles within the house and did not really become close friends until probably our junior year. I'd pledged as a sophomore and the group I ran with was a little different than hers. Kinda funny how even a small, liberal-arts university (with just 1600 undergrads) can still have its pockets and all, even though everyone pretty much knew everyone. But our sorority was pretty big for a small university - around 80-90 members, as were the other two houses. P and I had an apartment off campus our senior year...what an incredible experience that was for us after living in the dorms our freshmen year and in the sorority for two (spoiled with a very nice house and amazing food service compared to the dorm food). The apartment was just a short two blocks away but it might as well have been the moon. The campus is a square mile bubble of goodness in a town that, well, frankly is a little rough in patches. I've driven by where she and I used to live those two decades ago and shudder...she and I lived THERE? In that crappy apartment?
I looked through P's family pictures in the envelope - wow her kids are so incredibly cute! P does not use email a lot and only periodically surfaces in Facebook land. I thought today, you know what, I'm going to sit down and write her a letter. A LETTER!
And then it hit me like a ton of bricks. Or maybe a freight train. When in the hell was the last time I wrote an actual snail mail letter to a friend? To anyone?? And I challenge any of you who stumble around in here...when was the last time for you? Not a quick postcard, not an email, not a text, not any messaging in Facebook or LinkedIn or other social media. Hmmm?? For me it's probably over a year. And probably much longer than that for a hand-written snail mail letter. Oh Lordy my handwriting has declined over the years. I even remember way back it used to be common practice to send thank you letters - in snail mail - after job interviews. Nowadays things move too fast. Haven't done that any time in this century I'm afraid. Nope, email it is.
So I sit here, smiling, ready to shift gears and start writing to P. I'll think she'll love what she finds in her mailbox.
OK, we're off and running here! Last week I committed to blogging over the next four weeks about an amazing book I'm slowly savoring and reflecting upon.
It's called The Four Agreements, written by Don Miguel Ruiz. And if you have sharp eyes you'll notice the picture of the book is from the nice people at Amazon.com (thanks, everyone!) This book was written about 15 years ago, but the wisdom it contains goes back thousands of years. The knowledge comes from the Toltec people, stemming back to southern Mexico. It's not a religion, but it does honor all spiritual masters who have taught on Earth.
Ruiz explains that dreaming is the main function of our minds, and our minds dream 24/7. The difference is when we are awake "...there is a material frame that makes us perceive things in a linear way. When we go to sleep we do not have the frame, and the dream has the tendency to change constantly."
Wow, that's profound! I never thought we're actually dreaming while awake too (except for day dreaming). No wonder our dreams when asleep can be so wacky and random, only making sense in their moment. Once we're awake - poof - they're mostly gone.
Simple and profound - this is the exquisite content within this book. I find it both very challenging and relaxing to read and contemplate, and much of it I will need to read several times through - joyously - to truly attempt to understand. Don't get me wrong - the language is easy to read and the tone is like firm love.
He calls what society teaches us "human domestication." We didn't choose to speak our native tongue when we were growing up, we didn't choose our religion - we didn't even choose our own name! What happens during this process is we "...form an image of what perfection is in order to try to be good enough. We create an image of how we should be in order to be accepted by everybody...like Mom, Dad, brothers and sisters, the priests and the teacher. Trying to be good enough for them, we create an image of perfection, but we don't fit this image. We create this image, but this image is not real. We are never going to be perfect from this point of view. Never! Not being perfect, we reject ourselves. And the level of self-rejection depends upon how effective the adults were in breaking our integrity."
He talks about abuse...how much we judge and abuse ourselves for our mistakes. In relationships, if we are with someone who abuses us more than we abuse ourselves we will likely walk away from that person. But if we are with someone who abuses us just a bit less than we abuse ourselves, we will probably stay in the relationship and tolerate it endlessly.
So here is the first agreement and my (gloriously imperfect) ramblings about it:
Be Impeccable with your word.
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
Through our word we express our creative power...through it we manifest everything. Our word is a double-edged sword...we can create beauty with it or destroy everything around us.
What does impeccable mean here? It means we take responsibility for our actions but we do not judge or blame ourselves.
Wow. That's huge. *Raises hand*...I am likely the queen of self-blame and self-criticism. Only in the past, most recent decade of my life, thanks to an amazing therapist, was this pointed out to me...reflected back in my face like a giant mirror, on how badly I beat myself up over everything I do that falls short of perfection. Rather, we are human and gloriously flawed. Breathe, breathe....strive for EXCELLENCE, not perfection. This is the relatively new internal message I've worked so hard to incorporate into my core being, swimming upstream against decades more of habit and DNA. Oy. It's a journey, not a quick fix.
Ruiz goes on to discuss gossip and how mainstream it is for us as a communication vehicle - and how poisonous it is, like a computer virus within our minds. How many times have we gossiped about the person we love the most to gain support from others for our point of view? Reality check: your opinion is your point of view. Doesn't mean it's true...rather it comes from your own belief, your own ego, your own dream.
How fertile are our minds for negative ideas and "spells" people put upon us? If we are impeccable with our word our minds become only fertile for words that come from love. And how we feel about ourselves - how much we love ourselves - is directly proportionate to the quality and integrity of our word.
So this is the first of four new 'seeds' planted in my (fertile) mind. How impeccable am I with my word right now? How often do I tell myself how wonderful and great I am? Do I speak (and write) the truth in everything I do? I've been called "honest to a fault" by some, and I actually take that as a huge compliment. How many white lies do we tell every day? To others? To ourselves? Yeah, I love gossip as much as the next person, but I wouldn't label myself as gossip-y. My goal this past week and going forward is to always say what I mean and mean what I say, both speaking and in writing. And to not beat myself up if I am not perfect.
I feel happy and alive on this journey...waves of goodness wash all around me and inside me too. Is this some sort of cleansing? I'm not questioning it one bit; just loving every second of this new "work."
Next week's Second Agreement post: Don't take things personally. This one's gonna be a doozy in so many ways.
