Seventy posts?? How in the hell did I churn out that many these past nine or ten months? I'm having a blast in here and if any of you out there take a little time to read or skim my ramblings my heartfelt and humble thanks! If you found me here by accident, take a moment to check out some other posts as it's a big, fun ball of random in here.
It's a beautiful mid-July weekend and somehow I came down with a stupid cold just in time for it. I woke up yesterday with a slightly tickly, sore throat but I thought it was from perhaps accidentally sleeping with my mouth open for awhile (meaning, my throat was all dry and irritated). But hmmm...is it allergies or a cold? Sadly, I don't have time for either. I'm running a 5K a week from this Sunday and am woefully behind in my training plans. And my energy level is going up and down in waves even as I sit here typing. Methinks it's a cold.
So, since I need to get the neon white legs moving and prep for this 5K but felt a little rundown this morning I got a jumpstart: I made a pot of coffee. Forza Coffee in the Italiano blend. Fabulous stuff. I love it so much I even picked up an extra pound bag for a good friend of mine who loves her coffee and has been out of town for a week. I swung by her house last night to water her plants and take care of a few things and put her coffee on the kitchen counter in lavender gift wrap. A nice welcome back gift I hope!
What a difference a couple of months make! Remember all my bitching and moaning about the job search and how once I got my current offer my start date was delayed over three weeks (causing me to re-resume connections with other opportunities I'd declined thinking I'd be at this new gig fairly quickly)? I can't believe how fast the time has flown. And how much I've soaked in and learned. And how while I won't soon forget the stress and anger from all those delays the layers are slowly sloughing away.
Getting comfortable in a new job takes time. I haven't even begun to begin to understand all the nuances of my current work assignment and this company's business unit in general. And it's refreshing to discover that a lot of what we're doing is actually new in general so even those who've been around since things got underway a couple of years ago (which is eternity in the world of technology) are also marching ahead into new, uncharted territory. Yep, we're all in this together!
I can't quite put my finger on exactly when it happened, but in the past few weeks a bunch of things started clicking. I suddenly understood more about different people's roles and what exactly that means, not just their titles. I learned how to not get lost in the crazy, labyrinthian hallways - good grief these buildings are butt kickers. And I started slowly carving out a few things to take ownership of, document and speak to in meetings. How wonderful a feeling after all these months with no job and feeling like a ship without a rudder to start to feeling a little more stable.
And with that comes a more relaxed Me in general - and my humor and more layers of my personality come out. I love friendly banter and having a good laugh as people get better acquainted with me and me with them. I LOVE being around people in general - a strong team environment is absolutely crucial for me to feel productive at work, so while it's nice to have technology to telecommute (and a work culture that supports this wholeheartedly) I choose to come to the office and be fully present. Plus I'm still developing rapport and relationships with the various groups, and the best way to do that is face to face. After being at home and out of work for so long it's nice to get out of the house on a daily basis for a change of scenery (along with getting stuff done and real paychecks, woo hoo!)
Some of you may know I worked onsite at this same company for about 7 1/2 years, but in a completely different part of the business. Those were transforming years personally and professionally. I made the switch from having direct reports, managing technical teams of 15-20 or so, into Project Management and had about 4 or 5 job changes to get there. I first set foot on the campus in 1999 a month shy of turning 32 and left in the fall of 2006 at age 39. Lots can happen in those years and sure as hell did. Y2K. An opportunity to move out of state (which I turned down). A few relationships - some serious, some not. September 11th. The loss of two grandparents, my cousin's 2 1/2 year old son (a horrific drowning accident), and the welcoming of my 2 nephews and niece for starters.
So returning back to this company after a 4 year hiatus has been an interesting journey. The culture is pretty much the same as I remember but maybe has a slightly softer edge to it. Is this really true or is it just me with a softer filter - both physically and perhaps mentally too, ha ha. Ah, the joys of early middle age.
One thing that I remember well is the "no news is good news" culture, especially for someone in a contingent role (my work assignment is slated to run a year). That hasn't changed at all. If you're doing as expected you likely won't hear anything. But if there's a concern or problem you will and in extreme cases you will be excused from your assignment and asked to leave. It's just that simple. There is a high-energy, silent vibe of restlessness deep in this company's core. It's rare to hear kudos and praise - maybe a nice thanks or two - but expectations are high and when they're met that just simply isn't good enough. Everyone is expected to constantly stretch, innovate and DO MORE.
So you can imagine my surprise when out of the blue a peer of my manager - I'm working with his team getting a new project framed up and underway - suddenly asked me, "How long were you at this company your last time here again?" And when I told him he asked if I had been contingent or full-time permanent. [I'd been contingent]. He asked if I'd ever considered pursuing a full-time opportunity here past or present and I about fell on the floor. I did NOT expect to hear this and certainly wasn't fishing. "...you're doing a GREAT job, fivenineteen, and you're definitely this company's type of material." Um...WOW. Now THAT was unexpected.
He also mentioned he's noticed my tactic of just going in head first and going for it, whatever "it" might be with our work. Yes, that's the life of a consultant/contractor...dive into the deep end of the pool and figure it out already! I joke that zooming in and out of different work assignments (this is my 5th in the 4 years since leaving this company in 2006) feels like being an Army Brat or an exchange student. You get some thick skin and learn how to learn quickly. I may have floated through the rest of the day in a state of glorious shock receiving those compliments.
A few minutes later I got an email in response to some documentation I'd prepared following a kickoff session. "My God, you are amazing." This came from one of our technical gurus. He admired how well I was able to focus and capture what we'd covered and how quickly the documents were put together and distributed. OK, I'll take it! Damn that felt good.
After months and months of No or Non-Responsiveness during these past jobless months I shamelessly eat up kudos with a spoon. Because around here, they're few and far between. By design.
And if that wasn't enough strumming of my strings I also received some good strokes from one of the journalists I met last weekend at a friend's dinner party. Talk about uber incredible listening skills - she remembered many of the things we'd talked about and acknowledged them in an email to me after skimming through a couple of my posts in here. Food for a part of my soul that didn't even know it was starving:
"Maybe you should think about doing more writing for public outlets as well."
Ever have one of those days that starts out fabulous and then just keeps getting better and better into the evening? A day that is so scrumptious and delicious it feels like more than one day? I pinched myself yesterday to remind me I still had one day left of the weekend...Sunday!
I actually kicked off the weekend with a beer after work with a few of my new co-workers on Friday. The entire week had a funny vibe to it as not only was it a short workweek after the 4th of July holiday but the SUN and HOT WEATHER suddenly arrived like a hot bomb out of nowhere. After a soggy, cold spring (including a wet, miserable 4th of July under umbrellas for those brave enough to head out to the fireworks shows) it was a breath of fresh, hot sunshine we so desperately needed. So we headed over to the Three Lions Pub right next to the British Pantry in Redmond for a quick toast and some laughs.
Saturday was an amazing day both indoors and out. I met my friend L for lunch and spa'ing - something we'd talked about doing to celebrate my birthday last year but we never got around to it. And then *poof* another year went by so we decided THIS was the year to do it. Had it really been an entire year? Funny how when you get to be our age a year is a blink of an eye, not a long, drawn out period of Wait.
L is one of the 4 or 5 friends I get together with a few times a year for dinner. One of my old friends going all the way back to elementary school. I can look at her and smile and not say a word and I know she's remembering the same things I am too - walking to school together, boy drama, growing up issues in general...we sat outside for lunch overlooking Lake Washington and just relishing how gorgeous it was outside. My default lunch drink order is (plain) iced tea and a glass of water. But we jazzed it up this time and toasted with a couple of bloody marys. Nice.
After a couple of ho-hum salads we headed over to the spa at the Woodmark Hotel for some major pampering...facials and manicures! L was SO generous treating me to this! The spa is newly-remodeled and just recently re-opened about a week ago so this was my first time back after it had been closed for a few months. So fun seeing my long-time esthetician M and giving her a big hug! She truly, truly loves what she does and it shows.
Now, I've been going to this spa for nearly 10 years but hardly ever have gotten a facial. Just some periodic waxing (peach fuzz on the face and, ummmm, some 'downstairs' cleanup too - heh) and brow tinting. Not real pampering like a facial.
And boy did I forget what I'd been missing! The facial experience is not only steaming, extractions, masking and other treatments but also a neck, shoulder and pecs massage as well. I guess I really was overdue for this as I literally felt like tensions were released and now flowing freely through my entire body. I felt like I was floating on air when it was over.
Next, we changed out of our spa robes and slippers and headed over to get manicures. I normally love to keep my nails polished and groomed but the past few weeks I've just kept it to clear polish and some filing to keep them neat. So, it was time to bust out some bright pink! And the forearm massage and heated paraffin treatment were out of this world. Again, I felt the tension in my arms - which I didn't realize I'd had - release like an internal, freed-up logjam and just FLOW. Just flowing away into nothingness.
Behind L and me were a couple of other women celebrating a birthday and I laughed when one of them started getting a little lively on her second glass of champagne. "HEY! Is that Pink #14?" I smiled and looked over my shoulder..."why yes, it is!!" HA! Damn if that girl has an eagle eye for polish colors or what! Too funny.
I gave L a huge hug and thank you for such a generous gift! We both looked relaxed and glowing...this spa treatment stuff works wonders! I strolled leisurely back to my car and drove home in a state of relaxed bliss.
But the day wasn't over yet.
I headed off to a dinner party at another friend's house (yes, another "L" and her boyfriend D). L has a fabulous, large L-shaped backyard which is perfect for outdoor dining and entertaining. And on summer nights like this Saturday it was the perfect showcase. Dining outside by candlelight surrounded by wonderful people, incredible food, barbecued ribs, chicken, salmon, you name it...wine, roasted beets, salads...a foodie's paradise. And the surroundings of her garden...the hydrangeas, herbs and other flowers in a secluded backyard was just, well, magical. Humorous and sophisticated conversation...books, travel...I found myself enjoying incredible salmon and salad seated right next to two long-time journalists; I learned one had written one of the very first books about the greenhouse effect (which was endorsed by then-Senator Al Gore). Wow! What a ground breaker.
And while it may seem a little vain or silly, I gotta say it here: I actually went totally bare-faced to this party. ZERO makeup. I stopped home after my facial to quickly change clothes, grab a bottle of wine and head up to the house. I was running a little late - beyond what might be considered fashionably late - and I glanced at myself in the mirror. Oh my goodness...I was glowing! My face looked fresh and relaxed. My skin tone looked even...the famous ruddy cheeks looked toned down and not screaming for a coverup of foundation or powder. And my mood was so relaxed I didn't feel self-conscious at all. What a fabulous day (and evening!)
And even today (Sunday) - that sneaky, ever-deepening vertical furrow in my brow? Nearly vanished.
I may have found an alternative to a first-time Botox appointment after all.
I haven't had a good road trip out of town - or ANY time out of town for that matter - in about a year. OK, except for a couple business trips earlier in 2009, but those were truly just like getting off a plane and then working in a building with different scenery outside. No time for any R&R to explore or spend time with relatives in those cities.
I look back on the past 365 days or so and now I realize why I hadn't taken any time away - the good ol' job hunt. I was so focused on networking, interviewing and finding a new job that I didn't carve out time to get out of town for awhile and just relax. It might sound silly now, but I know myself well...if I HAD forced myself to take a short vacation I would not have been able to truly relax. I would have been stewing and wondering if that weekend or week I'd chosen to go off the grid - out of cell phone range, say - might have been THE time a wonderful new opportunity would have come and gone unbeknownst to me. Especially in this still-shaky economy and all. Job hunting WAS my full-time job. And there still is residual networking going on; this new gig is now a few weeks under my belt and I am slowing merging in the traffic and getting in a groove. I do hope I can hang my hat with this team for awhile but I've also learned that nothing is ever given or constant.
So, at last it was time for a long-overdue break!
Funny though, I really don't feel overly wound up or stressed about work just yet...when you've been at a job just a few weeks there still is a big element of "I don't know what I don't know." Typical ramping-up stuff. Seriously...in just 5 or 6 weeks we've already had Memorial Day and now the 4th of July. I don't feel I've "earned" days off just yet but I'll take it!
And what better place to take a long weekend than at one of the getaways most near and dear to my heart...Ocean Park, WA.
No, no, not Ocean Shores - Ocean PARK. Take a moment to find it on a map!
How can such a tiny, mile-wide peninsula be packed with so many memories and so much love? Yes, this magical place is full of generations of goodness.
And getting there is half the fun. I cut my workday short on Friday, threw the laptop briefcase in the trunk of my car and blasted out of town. I've always loved road trips and never got tired of watching the world go by when we'd go to Ocean Park every summer when I was a kid. I couldn't wait to be old enough to drive - to drive that route myself.
Once I get off the main freeway full of RVs, campers and motor homes in the stop and go traffic and onto the more rural, 2-lane highways it starts getting even more exciting. The highways zoom through beautiful farmland and mud flats...the extreme southern end of Puget Sound. I see political campaign signs for people I've never heard of. Fireworks stands. I'd forgotten to bring CDs for the trip but that's no worry...I blast the radio. I smile as I keep driving and the radio stations begin to sputter and fight with one another. That's when I REALLY know I'm getting away.
I drive through the twist and turns of Highway 101. How many hundreds of times have I driven or ridden this route - it's new to me every single time. Glorious. I pass through miles of stumpy stumps - trees cut down either from logging over the years or that blew down during the big storms last winter. I spot a turnoff for a now ill-fated condo/housing development - how strange to have its access road look so desolate. Gone are the huge, promotional signs; all that remains is the street sign turnoff which I nearly missed. And the access road is smack in the middle of the stumpy stumps. But why does that road intrigue me so? I always toy with the idea of turning off the highway and checking out side streets to the smaller towns for random detours...Brooklyn, Melbourne, Bay Center...even the logging roads which look both inviting and ominous. Probably not a good idea for those steep, gravelly roads in my sedan.
I arrive at the family beach home and bring my bag and extra tote into the mud room. I turn around and whammo! It's my 3-year-old nephew ready to give me a big hug! Melt my heart. Follow that by my hugs from my other nephew and my niece and I tell you, YES this is going to be a great getaway for sure.
There is something about the sound of the ocean and the salt air; I always sleep like a ROCK at the beach. Not that I have trouble sleeping in general, but out there I always feel extra refreshed and rested. And when I wake up I smile...I could be 5, 15, 22, 35...I've been coming to this house nearly every summer since I was an infant. The memories run deep.
I look out at the meadow in front of our family home out to the west toward the ocean. I'm in awe at the changes the ocean and dunes slowly yet dramatically unfold over the years. What was once open sand and a clear view of the ocean waves just a 1/4 mile walk or so is now nearly eclipsed by a whole new generation of growing sand dunes, covered in green beach grass. In fact, the trail we used to walk through so many times to the ocean directly in front of the house is nearly grown over once you pass the mowed-down, groomed meadow area. We use a semi-paved, public access road a short walk up the street to get to the ocean now instead.
Fabulous, slow-paced mornings coated in mist...morning mist so thick it's hard to see where it ends and the ocean's horizon begins. And it sprinkles so lightly on my sunglasses (I'm really sensitive to glare and wear 'em even on cloudy days). I spent this time out jogging with my brother, sister-in-law and their 3 kids on bikes just cruising around the side streets of Ocean Park. I remind myself I've got a 5K in Seattle mere weeks away!
We had an amazing gathering at another family home in Oysterville - a small town on the Willapa Bay side of the peninsula about 5 miles away. So wonderful seeing aunts/uncles/cousins and friends again to celebrate the 50th wedding anniversary of my Dad's cousin and her husband. Great conversations, food, relay races on the huge lawn for the kids. And...SUNSHINE! The sun has been incredibly elusive this spring so far, but holy smokes if it didn't bust out with some seriously blue sky mid afternoon. And, as a result...my radiating (meaning, sunburned) forearms! I'm one to bathe in sunscreen as a lot of you probably know, but the forecast was for heavy clouds and drizzle so I left the sunscreen at home. It felt good to feel warm sun especially since the Seattle area summer has been anything but. Yes, my friends, yours truly can get sunburned even at 3:30 or 4:00 in the afternoon!
I watch the neighborhood fireworks sparkle and crackle against the soggy, grey, cloudy skies the next day and in the evening on TV after I get back home...like I told my young nephews and niece, the 4th of July goes on, rain or shine! Happy Birthday, USA!!
So what to bring/wear at this laid back and fantastic, relaxing destination on the coast? Key point: LOW maintenance.
Now for me, "low maintenance" is always peppered with some luxuries...
What's in my getaway bag and tote?
- Burberry shimmer-check cosmetics case - the perfect size to hold just a few essentials.
- Dior Day 1 sunnies - these are my first real pair of super nice sunglasses.
- Estee Lauder Double Wear foundation (SPF 10). Might sound a little silly to wear makeup at a beach home getaway, however this stuff goes on lightweight and evens out my super ruddy cheeks. Plus, the sunscreen saved my (facial) skin that afternoon my forearms got sunburned.
- Lancome Bienfait Multi-vital sunscreen, SPF 30. This stuff is so light it feels like a moisturizer, not a thick, high-powered sunscreen. It goes under my foundation and does its job.
- MAC Greasepaint Stick in Dirty: a fun, thick taupey-brown liner with a tiny touch of sparkle. Just a little on my upper lids is a nice, finished look without looking too "done."
- Makeup For Ever Smokey Lash mascara: a little on the upper lashes is great. A champ for travel.
- A little lip balm and that's it!
- Hair products? I keep it simple...and leave the flat iron AT HOME. Ahh, relief!
- A good baseball hat, windbreaker, polar fleece top, couple pairs of sweats, yoga pants, t-shirts and Merrell or Keen sandals and you're good to go.
Oh, and don't forget the sunscreen...even on those cloudy days.
Alrighty, so this is a follow-up to my whine and moan session in my previous post about the weight gain. Make a little time for a pity party and then DO SOMETHING, right? At least that's the motto I try to live by. I'm human and sometimes stumble and sputter when I am trying to deal with things that bring me down, but deep at the core there is a never-ending drive, hunger and fire to DO, improve - whatever it is. Fire in the belly! OK, well, there's a little more of my belly than there used to be so I assume the fire's still deep in there somewhere, ha ha.
Everyone out there familiar with The Biggest Loser? The reality TV series where really obese people diet and exercise like crazy and compete to see who can lose the largest percentage of their starting body weight?
Well, call ME a loser I suppose, as I've never watched one entire episode in all the 5 or 6 years this show has been around. I've seen highlights of it at the end of a season where they crown a new winner, but haven't watched an episode all the way through.
But one name pops through for sure as the show gets woven into our seemingly never-ending hunger for a good, competitive reality show - Jillian Michaels.
Jillian is one of the personal trainers on the show, and she has a few books out, cookbooks, a nutritional or weight loss supplement she's endorsing (or developed? Not sure). And...a few workout DVDs.
It's been a long time since I've purchased a workout video. In fact, the other two I had were on VCR so there ya go. Remember Buns of Steel? I admit I plowed through that one a few times. It was in 2 parts - some low impact aerobics (admittedly very cheezy) and then the intense booty workout. And I also had Cindy Crawford's Shape Your Body workout video from I'm guessing c. 1992ish? Yep - just checked Amazon.com - 1992 - and now it's been reissued? It got MAJORLY panned as being full of poorly-performed and risky moves. Very 1990s...the music was mostly Seal and Primal Scream. And they did a lot of alternative settings rather than a traditional exercise studio. The beach, a rooftop in an urban setting, you name it. My copy went to Goodwill years ago but I do remember that workout quite well. I think partly because I did it in my first apartment I had on my own. 1 bedroom, 1 bath. Killer, kickass water and mountain view, killer neighborhood but a tad dumpy otherwise. But it was home for nearly 5 years. And I was on the top (3rd) floor, yet for some reason my neighbor below me never complained when I was walking around or jumping up and down doing those workouts.
I like being around people. When I work out I'd rather be at the gym where other people are doing their thing, on a walk with a good friend, or mixing it up on the ice in hockey. But I do enjoy walks alone with the iPod as well - good to recharge and just veg out a bit. And workout videos can get boring after awhile even though they usually have more than one routine in them.
So fast forward 15+ years or so and I recently got the Jillian Michaels 30-day Shred DVD. I've heard a ton of great feedback about it and as I might have mentioned in another post it was only $8.99 on Amazon.com so it's definitely in line with my Money Diet. Yes, I'm trying to stick with newly-learned frugal habits even though I've been back at work now for about 5 weeks.
Oh. My. God. After the first workout I could hardly get out of bed the next day or two! My abs! My pecs! On the other hand...this is a good thing. The muscles are rumbling back to life!
There are 3 workouts on the DVD - 3 levels of difficulty. There are so many things I love about this. First of all, you're DONE in about 25 minutes. Yep, there is a brief warmup before each workout, 18 minutes of circuit training and then a 2 minute stretch/cooldown. All you need is a mat and some hand weights (dumbells).
Another thing I like is the variety...the circuits are broken down like this:
- 3 minutes strength
- 2 minutes cardio
- 1 minute abs
...repeat that cycle 2 times and voila! She has a few basic moves for each circuit and varies how they are rotated in each. Again, I like this variety. And if you are worried about complicated dance moves for the cardio portion, fear not. All the cardio is very basic stuff like jump roping in place, jumping jacks, squatting in place while boxing - things like that. I don't mind a little fun choreography but on the other hand it's nice that part is just 2 minutes a pop.
There are also two other women in the background doing modified versions of the exercises - one more beginner and one advanced.
So far I'm having a blast. I've done the Level 1 workout 4 times and I feel GREAT. Remember, it's a 20 minute workout so there is NO resting. You have to push and push and push the entire time without stopping. And it's hard! But that's the idea.
The 2 minute cardio sessions are no brainers for me. I'm used to that with hockey, plus my natural inclination to be a sprinter rather than a distance runner (I'm trying to 'fight' that by training for 5Ks). But holy shitballs, the strength sections are killer. Movements that seem pretty harmless "suddenly" creep up and kick you in the ass (or the triceps, pecs) after a few reps pretty quickly. And I guess that's the idea! There are a lot of combo type moves, such as anterior shoulder raises combined with side lunges. Or squats combined with presses upwards. Again, with the idea to make the most of those intense 20 minutes.
I SUCK at pushups. How much muscle tone has vacated my upper body here?? UGH. I can barely do 5 or 6 in a row right now even in the modified version on your knees. Old school exercise but still tried and true I suppose. I really do love the 'squat and row' exercise with the hand weights too. I tend to carry the weight of the world in my neck and shoulders, especially after being on a computer all day, so anything that helps loosen up and tone that area is HUGE for me. I find I feel better and "sit" taller after a good upper body workout. Those pecs are in there somewhere. Again, I'm amazed how much muscle tone I've lost. Anything I can do to fight looking middle-aged, I'm there!
So...I'm hoping this is a workout I can stick with for awhile along with the other choices I'm making in a renewed committment to fitness and peeling off some poundage. An intense workout in just 20-25 minutes? I'VE got the time for sure!
And like Jillian says..."NO excuses."
I need to vent a little. For the first time in my life (OK, mayyybe the second but this time it's a little worse) I am noticing mild aches in my knees when I go up and down stairs. Keep in mind I live in a 3-story townhouse and also work on a 2nd floor at my new job so I'm all about the stairs, baby. And yep, I feel it. Sometimes I even "hear" my knees making very faint, grinding sounds, like really fast Rice Krispies crackles. Hmmm, one of these days I'll likely be too noisy to sneak up on people. And my back starts to tire out more quickly now when I play hockey...I truly "know" when it's the end of my shift as my lower back screams it to me. I suppose I should feel blessed that I've never had knee or back problems as a kid, teen or young adult. None of these are sharp, alarming pains...just things I've never really felt before...and I'm wondering WHY.
And why now?
I just turned 43 last month and you know, I remember how I was soooo ready and excited to turn 40...I was all BRING IT OWHNNN and thrilled to punch through into a new decade. But I admit the big 4-0 kicked me in the ass. A few weeks after my birthday I ended a relationship with the man I thought I was going to marry. I am not going to drone on about the details other than say here that it was extremely painful as we were really, truly, deeply in love but there were some very unhealthy things going on that we could not work through no matter how hard we tried. Then, just a couple of weeks after that breakup my work contract ended abruptly. Abruptly as in I was driving home one night after work to meet up with a friend for a drink and got a call from my agency that I literally did NOT need to go back in the office the next day. So...I turned 40 and within weeks two HUGE elements of my life SHUT DOWN. Hard. It was brutal and there were days I didn't want to get out of bed. But I pulled through and survived thanks to the incredible support of my family and friends.
Oh, and here are a few things people may not tell you about that happen when you hit your 40s:
- Knee/back pain (at least for me...perhaps it's weight gain too?)
- Weight redistributes...where are my teeny little waist and flat tummy? Yoo hoooo...
- Thinning hair...not in a major baldspot way but in general. Thankfully I have thick, wavy hair and have some to spare. But if you look at pictures of me 20 years ago you CAN see a difference.
- Ass drops about 3 or 4 inches. Boooo gravity.
- Random, rogue chin hairs. Yep, my tweezers are my new BFF. Every other day I gotta check out the jawline. What the F already??
- Peach fuzz...thankfully my facial hair is pretty much colorless but it makes makeup look bad and frankly is very aging in general. I get it waxed periodically at my favorite spa; while I've been out of work and on a major Money Diet I've actually found a drugstore waxing kit that works GREAT as a cheap alternative and doesn't irritate my skin.
- Zits! Yep, zits AND wrinkles here...bonus.
- Changes in eating/diet: I have totally lost my tolerance for red wine. One tiny glass maybe with a huge steak dinner is OK, but other than that I have no desire to drink it and when I have a glass I feel like a train hit me the next morning. I suppose there could be worse things to give up, however!
- Occasional loss of balance...I actually know of 3 women who shortly after turning 40 have lost their balance and taken bad falls either at work or at home. A missed last step or a stumble that turns into a major embarrassment or even some surgery to fix broken bones. I admit I have sometimes "caught" myself about to miss a last step either indoors or outdoors and it's scary. And I HAVE fallen once in my townhouse, but I blamed it on the high heeled clogs I was wearing. A couple of years ago I was heading down to my garage to meet up with my boyfriend K at the time and I went SPLAT down the stairs and smacked head first into the wall at the bottom. Luckily no twists or sprains...just a bruised ego and a good laugh that no one was watching.
They also say your metabolism slows and it's harder to lose weight as you get older. Honestly, my weight has always been an achilles heel for me so I don't see a real change there, other than my weight has re-distributed within my body. Grrr.
So let's talk about the weight gain here. This is probably a reason why my knees/back are feeling the burn more than they used to. A few of you know that in the summer of 2003 I walked about 5-7 miles a day outside every single day for about 5-6 months and dropped 35 lbs. After that I took up hockey. I am trying to think back all those years to remember if I noticed less aching in my knees and back, but I can only remember how great it felt having my lung strength increase. No more wheezy, tight-chested feelings going up steep hills. Once I started slimming down and getting in better shape it was a breeze. And thank goodness I got my cardio in good condition before starting hockey.
Oh, and one other thing - The Pill. Yes, in early fall 2007 I started a new job and started dating K around the very same time. I also found a new doctor and after a complete physical, bloodwork, some meds for high blood pressure and all we made the mutual decision to put me on the Pill. And this was probably one of the dumbest things I've ever done. Within a couple months I blew up like a balloon. And the only good thing about that was that I suddenly went from a small B to a full C cup so I now have decent boobs, ha ha. I quit the Pill after a little under a year and will never, ever do that again. Even that low dosage prescription plumped me up pronto and I've had a devil of a time fighting off the weight ever since. Kinda weird how none of those 3 things (job, man, Pill) ended up working out. My entire business unit got RIF'd from that company, I broke up with K because we just never had time to grow our relationship (another long story) and the Pill was a big ol' mistake. Oh well - sometimes you take a path at a fork in the road and it's not the right choice after all. Regroup!
Stress has also played a big role with the weight gain too. As a lot of you know, I was unemployed from late July through late October last year, worked very briefly 8 weeks at very low pay through the end of December, and then was unemployed all into 2010 until just about a month ago. It hurt. It hurt financially and emotionally, big time. There were days I'd drink coffee all morning, have popcorn for lunch and mac and cheese for dinner. And, oh, maybe pop a few vitamins. All while barely showered and in my ripped up leggings and an old flannel shirt. Yeah, I'm not proud of all of that but it's the truth. That was my M.O. on days I didn't have interviews or other things to get me out and about. I felt very lost, stressed and alone on the bad days.
Now that I'm back to work and getting acclimated (and enjoying decent paychecks again, woo hoo!) I'm trying to re-assess my diet and fitness goals. I guess it's a self-esteem issue for me; when I'm working I feel I have "purpose," and through that it fuels me to make other improvements in my life. Right or wrong, that's my reality.
So, here are a few things in the works:
- Exercise: I've signed up for a 5K in late July and have started the Couch to 5K Program yet again. I did two 5Ks last year but this time around it's tougher to train with the extra pudge.
- More exercise: I am now the proud owner of the Jillian Michaels 30-day Shred DVD. I've never watched The Biggest Loser but I hear this workout is kickass. And for just $8.99 thanks to the nice people at Amazon.com it fits my Money Diet. I did my first workout tonight and I might be too sore in my pecs to get out of bed or even type tomorrow, ha ha. We'll see! It's a very intense, 20-minute workout of cardio, weights and abs in small circuits. Kind of nice having it done quickly, rather than a long, brisk walk outside which might take an hour or more and doesn't really do anything for the upper body.
- Diet changes: I still don't have any Diet Coke cravings after stopping it cold turkey in early January! But I now work again at a company where beverages are complimentary, sodas, juice, the whole works. And while I love bubbles, I find that sparkling sodas and diet root beer make me bloat up like no one's business. So I stick with plain water from the water cooler and a couple cups of coffee in the morning.
- Nutrition: the cafeterias here are kick butt and subsidized, so I hope having more nutritious (and cheap!) choices at lunch will inspire me to blow the dust off my cookbooks yet again. The salad bar and brown rice sushi are two of my favorites.
- Healthy snacks: string cheese and plain, unsalted almonds are great low-cal snacks to keep the blood sugar stable between meals. I try to avoid snacking but if I'm stuck with having to take a later lunch either of these really help.
So, I'm excited for this journey to get back to a healthy weight, ease the strain on the knees and back...and getting back to where I recognize myself in pictures again!
Oh and PS: what GETS better in your 40s? Wisdom, confidence, less and less tolerance for bullshit and...sex.
Mascara is my #1 "can't live without it" makeup product, and eyeliner is probably #2, save for some good lip balm. I love focusing on my eyes when doing makeup...probably one of my better features I'd say. I learned very early on (probably reading Seventeen magazine or other rags) that since I have close-set eyes it's best to put liner/shadow on the outer half of my eyes to make them look farther apart. Fast forward 25+ years and I still do pretty much the same thing. Darker shadows go on the outer half of the lids and crease area and lighter shadows go in the inner corners.
My obsession (joy! love affair!) with makeup probably goes back to my childhood...remembering when my Mom would let me play around with her makeup as a kid of 4 or 5. Probably just normal girl growing up stuff. Sometimes she'd put a little lipstick on me before a ballet recital - awwww, I felt so, well, grown up I guess!
Aiiight!! So I went with a pick-up-sticks pic just for something different. As with any other makeup, my eyeliner journey is a joyful trial and error. And I love it. There are a ton of great products out there, a few clunkers and always the thrill of trying something new.
I've hardly ever met a black eyeliner I didn't like so about 90% of what I have is some sort of black. Browns are no good on me unless they are a deep chocolate brown and if they need to be that dark then it might as well just be black. BLACK ROCKS. I've got some charcoal grey, deep plum and deep pine green in for a little variety - and even a white liner but we'll get to that later. And yes, as with mascara I used to have tons of cobalt blue, bright purple and lime green pencil (and liquid) liners in the 80s. No more.
A good liner goes on the way you want it with minimal dragging, stays put and comes off easily when you want it. This is one reason I'm so into liquid liner, as it stays in place and washes off easily...often I don't need that additional step of an eye makeup remover on a cotton ball. Yes, like I've said before, I try to avoid any extra tugging/pulling around the eye area. Liquid liner can take some practice applying it just right to control the thickness of the line but it's so worth it.
I usually just line my upper lids and leave the lower ones bare. This is partly because I can be prone to smudging/smearing over the course of the day (no one likes that "racoon eye" look, right? And also because it can be a little too dramatic for everyday, daytime makeup, at least on me. I work in a very casual environment (jeans/t-shirts are pretty much standard) so there's no need to go all out to impress anyone, heh. I save lining the lower lashes for nights out or just goofing around on a weekend.
Other things I've learned? Keep 'em sharpened. Not only does this ensure a "fresh" pencil line but it keeps the line going on clean and thin. You can always make it thicker later.
So let's dig into the ol' pile o' pencils...
Makeup For Ever Aqua Eyes: these are the ones with the clear caps if you can see them in the picture. I have this in 3 colors - black (duh), black with a little shimmer, and a deep plum. These are "waterproof" so they glide on very nice but are a bitch to remove so they are not my first choice. You know how I feel about waterproof eyemakeup by now, right? At Sephora.
MAC Eye Kohl: Once again I give a shout out to MAC for rockstar makeup! LOVE these liners. These go on smoothly and don't smudge much during the day. They're not waterproof but they do need some makeup remover as a final step after you're done cleansing to get every last bit off (as you should!) I've got these in several shades...black, deep grey, plum, pine green (do we detect a pattern here?), deep bronze...and...WHITE!
Why the hell would anyone want white liner? Listen up: it's a GREAT eye brightener along the lower waterline. No, I'm not talking about tides or boats - I'm talking about that small area between your lashes and your eye itself. That's called a "waterline" my friends, and a little bit of white liner in there does wonders on those mornings you're not feeling/looking so alert. Ideally you should be able to line your waterlines without needing to pull or tug your lower eye area. It's a little weird pointing a liner pencil there so close to your actual eye...the first time I did it was in 7th grade so I guess I conquered that squeamishness early on. Department stores or maccosmetics.com.
MAC Greasepaint Stick: Yup, the MAC ho marches on with more...I've got 3 of these and love, love love. They're the cynlindrical, larger ones in the pic. MAC launched their first Greasepaint stick last year as part of their Style Black collection, when everyone was into black lipstick and all that goth stuff. A little theatrical rockin the black lips, but the greasepaint eyeliner is incredible. This goes on in a thick, smeary line but if you want a lighter, thinner look you can do it with a delicate touch. It's thick but you can still keep the point relatively sharp with the sharpener which is very cleverly disguised in the other end of the pencil. A tiny, plastic sharpener pops out and you can whittle away. I have to admit I had NO idea about the little hidden sharpener until it came time to sharpen one of mine and I actually posted the question on a makeup forum I actively participate in. Too funny! And also a good idea, as these pencils are too big for a standard sharpener. I've got these in the original black as well as a deep grey and a dark greyish-brown taupe. Department stores or maccocsmetics.com.
MAC Penultimate Liquid Liner: a glorious hit from the Chill collection (winter 2008 I think). This is a liquid liner which goes on with a sharp, pointed felt tip pen-like applicator. So it can either look very thin like a sharp pencil or you can make it as thick as you want. Stays put and washes off like a breeze! YES! This one goes with me on business travel for sure. I'm on my 2nd or 3rd refill. Black only. Department stores or maccocsmetics.com.
MAC Liquid Liner: this is the cone-shaped one at bottom right center. It has a little wider tip on the felt pen applicator than the Penultimate but still, truly outstanding. And a steal at around $14 I think. Comes in black only. Why mess with a great thing? Department stores or maccocsmetics.com.
Urban Decay 24/7 Eye Pencil: I've got two of these and really like them. They've got the silver caps in the picture. Of all the pencil-type liners I've tried, these glide on the easiest - you hardly need to apply any pressure at all. LOVE that. And if you wanna take a shot at lining your waterline, start with one of these as they are really creamy and gentle. At Sephora.
Clunkers? Well, I gotta say Chanel's Le Crayon Yeux was a disappointment. For $28 the only saving grace was the built-in smudger on the other side of the pencil. A very cool, dense and slanted tiny sponge. And Chanel's Ecriture Liquid Liner was nice but overpriced at $34. For that amount of cash I'd expect it to last longer than it did. And I found the thin brush applicator tip a bit too floppy and the liner itself came out uneven - either too little or in thick globs. No thanks. This is why I prefer felt pen type applicators. [MAC's Penultimate, in comparison, is only $16.50.]
And...I've heard really great things about Revlon ColorStay Liquid Liner. Great liner at a kickbutt drugstore price (about $10). I haven't yet tried it but it's on my wishlist. I'll probably check it out when one of my MAC liquid liners run out.
For now, as you can see, I've got plenty to keep me busy!
Hi, everyone. I'm a major, major mascara junkie. If you told me I could only have one makeup product this would be it. I lucked out with thick and naturally curly lashes but they are pale. So a little mascara is great to open up my eyes and get them defined. Score!
I love wearing makeup but also love it when I can remove it easily too. Gotta avoid any excess tugging or pulling, especially around the eyes as the skin is so thin and delicate. Why accelerate the aging process? Gentle, my friends...be gentle with that skin around your eyes.
These mascaras in the picture are all pretty traditional - meaning none have that new vibration/oscillation motor thing in them. Honestly, I think that whole thing is a stupid gimmick. Yes, I have no opinions. The thought of putting anything that vibrates near my eyes kind of scares me. And I've never, ever used one of those eyelash curler devices either. An eyelash curler looks like a strange mini medieval contraption torture thingy and...it scares me. So, I won't be talking about either of those things in here.
There's something for everyone...there are endless types of brush shapes - some are curved to mimic the arc shape of your eyes and lashline, some are pretty cylindrical and others are flat. And some have more of a comb-type applicator. Really, it all boils down to what works best for your lashes and eye shape. So have fun out there and experiment! No matter what type you use or how much or how little you spend, people are either going to notice really great lashes or (horrors) really crappy clumped up, spidery lashes. Try to avoid the Tammy Faye Bakker look please.
Colors? I stay with black, black and more black - with a few rare exceptions. Long gone are the days of cobalt blue, bright purple and emerald green mascara. Yep, I shamelessly admit I did all of these. Hey, it was the 80s so it was pretty much the Law. There are probably a few incriminating pictures of me floating around to prove this too.
I've tried 987498735 kinds of mascara and never get tired of the ongoing search for a junkie fix. I suppose there are worse (and more expensive) bad habits to have - shoes, handbags, cocaine - KIDDING!
Here's what's currently in my stash (left to right):
Cover Girl LashBlast: this mascara kicks ASS and is under $10. Ding ding...bonus time! Truly an all-time winner both in how it looks and the price. Yep, this qualified as a legit Money Diet purchase. [note: there is a LashBlast Length variation of this in a yellow tube and it blows chunks. It just made my lashes look thin and stringy and did nothing. What a waste.] So...look for the orange tube, not the yellow. At drugstores.
Artistry: never heard of this brand? Artistry is actually Amway's makeup line, and I found out about it at a friend's spa party. When I think of Amway I think of laundry detergent, not makeup. Color me surprised! The brush is long and thin and the bristles are in a tiny spiral pattern - something I've never seen before. This mascara is waterproof so it's not something I generally would purchase. Meaning, I don't need mascara to stay on through a swim or shower, plus waterproof mascara is pretty hard to remove and results in excess tugging and pulling - a big no-no as y'all know in my book. But this one comes off pretty easily with an eye makeup remover so it doesn't seem hardcore waterproof to me at all. Find your Amway rep and place your order - about $15.
Paula's Choice Lush mascara: Ah...once again Paula Begoun cranks out another great product that does what it's supposed to do - no more, no less, no bullshit hype in advertising. I love this woman! It has a traditional, symmetrical brush and it goes on (and comes off) fabulously. And I also love how it closes with a final, satsifying 'click'. Have you ever had a mascara dry out too fast because you didn't close it completely? With this one, you know. Paulaschoice.com.
Makeup For Ever Smoky Lash: I'm on my 3rd or 4th tube of this stuff and actually treated myself recently after starting my new job (yep, I went on a Sephora bender). Just a really great, thickening mascara and I love it! This is the one I take with me on business travel too. It's a little pricier (low $20s) but very much worth it. At Sephora.
Yves St. Laurent (YSL) Faux Cils: Oh so sleek and elegant in the shiny gold tube. And oh so stinky inside. Eeesh, this stuff has a pungent chemical type of smell - never ever experienced this before in a mascara! Kind of like new car smell with a dash of burnt rubber? Hard to describe. Anyway, this mascara is touted to give you a look like you're wearing false lashes as its name suggests. It DOES have a nice thickening and curling effect but that darn old smell can be a deal breaker. I stomach'd it up and opened my wallet...$30. This stuff better last a long time at that price. I picked up the "Sublime Grey" shade for a little variety from all the black. At Sephora.
Lancome Hypnose: a fun, undulating tube shape with a traditional long, thin brush inside (not curved). It also has a very nice thickening and curling effect and I'd put it up toward the top of my favorites along with the Make Up For Ever one. You might know that Lancome is the "department store" version of L'Oreal, so if you like L'Oreal (drugstore) products you'll probably like Lancome and vice versa. About $25 and very much worth it. Department stores or Sephora.
MAC Zoom Fast Black Lash: once again, MAC knocks it out of the park with great products at great prices (well, except for foundations but I already covered that in another post). Literally half the price of the YSL and Lancome brands - a steal at $13. This one goes on a bit "wetter" than others, so use very light, thin coats and let it dry thoroughly before doing other makeup (trust me on this one...no one likes those awful 'globs' of smeared mascara around the eyes and they're a bitch to fix). Department stores or maccosmetics.com.
MAC Plushlash: another great buy at $13. The brush is short, fat and somewhat flat and rectangular so you can rotate it to get just where you need to. I have pretty big eyes but some with smaller eyes might find it too wide. Department stores or maccosmetics.com.
And I'll add a few more from my personal Hall of Fame and Hall of Shame not currently in my collection:
Hall of Shame:
Urban Decay Big Fatty mascara - I LOVE the names Urban Decay drums up for their products. But the Big Fatty is a big F-up. Huge brush with zero oomph on the lashes. Astonishing, really!
Benefit BADgal - I really wanted to love this as I've used and adored the BADgal black liner pencil for years and years. But the mascara was a big disappointment. I actually had to use a separate, thickening base (from another mascara with a wand on each end) for this to look decent, otherwise it just went on thin and stringy no matter how many coats I applied. Huge pain in the butt and not worth it.
Cover Girl LashBlast Length - avoid the yellow tube, people.
Hall of Fame:
L'Oreal Voluminous - so many people sing its praises and I'm right there chiming in. Maybe I'm due for a refill? This is truly a kickbutt drugstore mascara. Goes on evenly, lasts a long time...just simply elegant.
Buxom Lash - Buxom is the sister line of Bare Escentuals, one of the heavy-hitters in the mineral makeup craze. The wand resembles a medieval weapon as it's biggest at the top and bottom while smaller in the middle with long bristles. A little oddly-shaped but it works. If you have smaller eyes this might be too big.
Stila MAJOR Major Lash - I really like Stila's eyeshadows and decided to try a mascara on a whim. Good Lord how much cash have I dropped at Sephora over the years, ha ha. This one has a majorly big brush and goes on majorly gooey if you're not careful. Not my favorite but not a disappointment either, so I'll give it a "straight line face" with a slight Mona Lisa smile. At Sephora.
Chanel Exceptionnel - exceptionally priced at $30 but this is worth a splurge, my friends. I LOVE the comb-like brush and the curling effect. I've gobbled this one up over time in some of the other colors too - along with black it comes in navy and violet. But the colors are very subtle - meaning they're mostly black with a small touch of color - so you won't look like an 80s throwback. The price is steep but it does last a long time, and has that nice 'click' when you twist the tube closed.
Any mascara experts out there notice what's missing? Yep, Maybelline Great Lash mascara. What was that statistic Maybelline was promoting awhile back...something like every 10 seconds a tube of this stuff is sold? Hmmm, I can't remember. Anyway, this is supposed to be the alltime die-hard favorite, in the famous pink tube with the green cap. Everyone loves it, right? Well, I've used a few tubes over the years but I haven't bought it since probably college or so. Too wet and the brush is too small. So, I guess that's more for everyone else out there to love!
Well, I hope this was helpful and maybe even a bit entertaining. Get out there and rock those lashes!!
