fivenineteen

Exciting Changes

2012-01-28T13:00:00.000-08:00

Know that feeling when you're right on the brink of pulling the trigger on something new? You may or may not have it all planned out but you probably have an idea of how you want things to look whenever "it" is done?

I'm not quite there yet, but I'm on my way. And (but) the train is rolling, so no turning back.

What's going on here? Well, Dearest Followers and Readers, I've purchased a tiny piece of the Internet. Fivenineteen.org. Nope, no hyphens (yay!).

What this means is that this is likely one of the last new posts I will do here on Blogspot. I'll continue weekly postings over on the new site.

Whew! I've ported over all of my posts here from Day One over to the new site as well - thankfully much easier than I thought. Please, please, come check out fivenineteen.org! And please pardon the dust as well, as I am learning the ropes on how to lay out the new site, choose graphics and get everything looking the way I want it. I may have lost some pictures in the moving process, but I'll get it straightened out eventually.

Want to know a little secret? One of my favorite parts of the Blogspot site here is the side bar showing where hits come from. It's absolutely fascinating to me! From countless places around the States to the UK, China, Australia, Maldives, Malta, Romania and Brazil - and so many other countries too. I just love it. And I hope I can replicate something similar on the new site too - stay tuned.

Right now I have my Twitter feed at the top of the new site but I'm not sure I want it there. And don't laugh, because in adding Twitter I realized just how seldom I tweet. So that might change too. Follow me @five19 and see what happens. Huge thanks to my dear friend P, who shared a bunch of great tips on site layout, adding pictures and replicating what I have here over on fivenineteen.org. I've got a great to-do list for sure thanks to her.

And in other Change News, I've got yet another list - thanks to my guy BFF L - of a whole bunch of home improvement projects he is going to help me with. First things first, a run (or two?) to the Dump. This all starts tomorrow, which is why I'm blogging today on a Saturday instead of my usual Sunday. I have no idea how crazy tomorrow is going to be but I know once we get started I'm going to be really excited and on a roll. It's always that first step that's the hardest, don't you think? Having great friends willing to help and provide ideas is the grease in my gears. Sometimes my lists get so long I lose the prioritizing skill and PLOP. Nothing gets done. I get wiggy and overwhelmed. And I've forewarned L I likely will along the way. He has great ideas, and (but) he and I have very different tastes in decorating. So this is going to be amusing and interesting. But he knows whose name is on the title to the townhouse here, so we're all good there. (Meaning, mine).

So the Man Help is on the way tomorrow, and meanwhile I've got a ton to do to prepare today, plus get stuff for the tacos we're going to make. And I have a super late hockey game tomorrow night too. Can I get a second or third wind to skate hard?

Lots more to come - and probably pictures too - as the home projects get underway. Remember, come check out fivenineteen.org for my future posts. And if you follow me here at Blogspot, why not follow me on my new site too? I'd be most grateful. Yeah, I don't care for self-promotion but there ya go - I said it outloud and most humbly.

Cabin Fever Week

2012-01-22T12:42:00.000-08:00

How quickly things changed in 24 hours. I came home from work last Friday (the 13th, which was a good day save for saying good bye to a co-worker who is relocating overseas), relaxed at home and slept in gloriously late into Saturday. Know that feeling when you wake up and it just 'feels' different? In my bleary just-out-of-bed attempt to wake up I couldn't quite figure out what it was...other than it was super quiet outside. No dull drone of street noise.

Aha! It SNOWED! Where did I miss this on the TV weather forecasts? I suppose I should not have been too shocked - it is January, after all. I don't even know where to start with this one. Other than Snow + Seattle area is a very bad combination. For getting around, that is. Otherwise, it's gorgeous. Exhibit A - the view off my back deck.

We got around 6 inches or so in my area - by the time it was done the faint line markings from the deck in that picture were completely covered over. After hearing news reports and reading countless local-area Facebook posts we had anywhere from around 3 inches to over a foot depending on where you were.

The power stayed on here and my furnace is working. Everything else after that truly is all gravy. Check out my Cold Where It's Supposed to be Cold post from (*gulp* wow time flies) November 2010. Two furnace repairs and a crapped out fridge just a couple months prior to that made it an expensive end of that year...after just starting to get some decent income again following a long unemployed streak. So anyway, here we are in 2012 and I relished my warm townhouse, hot showers and the beautiful snow falling outside.

After a couple of days it got old. Driving in the snow in the Seattle area is a hot topic for sure. In general, it's not a good idea. Seriously...a few inches of snow will literally bring us to our knees. We're hilly. We don't have a ton of snow removal equipment. We're not like other parts of the country who deal with this routinely and life goes on. Around here, it just doesn't. Hell, when a UPS truck gets stuck in your driveway, you know it's bad.

What is it about snow? It brings a huge Hush Hug over everything in its embrace. I stay in my jammies all day and take naps. At noon.

But soon it was time to get back to work. Thankfully this team is all about playing it safe and not trying to be heroes getting into the office. We can all work remotely, although in the type of work we do it's not ideal for long periods of time as I learned.

There was one small problem. The power cord for my work laptop was still in my office! I never bring it home because I never work from home. It still reminds me too much of when I was unemployed, and frankly I'd rather get out of the house and be around people during the day. In my last work assignment my work laptop was the same brand as my home one, so it was easy to just swap out the power cords between the two if I ever did work from home on rare occasion. Not this time, however.

On Monday I was able to squeak by with doing email either from my phone or through my home laptop. But I didn't have full access to the internal resources I depend on to get work done. And I attempted a few times to get the work laptop connected with my home cable modem, but the modem is new and I was unfamiliar with the steps to switch connectivity (I don't use a router). And I watched the battery power indicator slowly sink southward as I chatted with our corporate Helpdesk and all to troubleshoot. No luck.

So I knew Tuesday I needed to get into work somehow to get that power cord. They were predicting heavy snow Tuesday into Wednesday. Turns out the main roads were pretty clear. It's the side streets, sidewalks and driveways that are the problem.

I got into work just fine and was pleasantly surprised to see my officemate there already. Ahhh, human interaction! We had both planned to stay for a few hours, but then got a phone call from her husband around lunch time that it was really starting to snow hard and we better get home. I'm so glad he called, because our office does not have a window and it was snowing much harder up near where my officemate and I live compared to work.

When you're stuck at home snowbound, the cabin fever grips tight. The novelty wears off quickly. So to fight it off, I vowed to get out of the house at least once a day for a walk. And it really helps - and is pretty good exercise too stomping through heavy, wet snow.

Thankfully by Friday the snow turned to rain and everything turned into a big slushfest. Relief was coming! Freedom!

And what a great way to blast back into the routine of life with a wonderful Saturday. My friend L ventured out this way to the suburbs (I joke that he's mentally allergic to them but that's another story). With iPad in hand, he and I walked through the townhouse here and talked about tons of ideas to update my place. I know my place needs work, and I know I need to keep an open mind. We jumped around all over the place with ideas and chitchat. And we agreed on a general plan to start work upstairs here where the bedrooms are and then slowly work our way downstairs.

Oh boy. That means my 3rd bedroom - the Room of Crap - is in the hotseat first. And that's actually a great idea as it is very underutilized space save for a large bookcase and random stuff on the floor that needs to get boxed up into storage or thrown out. And I get to think about paint colors too, for it's still Insane Asylum White like the rest of this place was when I first bought it. Oh, the possibilities! L wants to convert it to my home office and have the home office where I am now become a guest bedroom, as this room is larger and can hold a queen-sized bed. Interesting idea!

Later I headed out (Out! After not driving for 5 days!) to meet friends for our annual Chinese New Year dinner at China Clipper in Woodinville. They have wonderful, pretty close to authentic Northern Chinese cuisine. We had a blast at dinner and then headed over to J's house for board games and laughter. Know when you laugh so hard that tears stream down your face?

Fantastic.

The Half-Assed Purple Wall

2012-01-15T12:52:00.000-08:00

Alrighty. This week's picture makes me cringe, but we're gonna go there anyway. Good incentive to fix this, right? This and so much more.

This is an actual wall in one of my bathrooms here in the townhouse. It's a small wall where the door is. And yeah, awhile back I thought it would be fun to paint it purple. Shitty paint job (I think my plan was to go back and do another coat with a roller like you're supposed to) but obviously I haven't.

Oh dear. I have done all of the painting here in the house myself and trust me it's nicely done (and finished)...everywhere except here. And this same purple, believe it or not, is on the inside of my front door. It's a beautiful, semi-glossy blue violet. Ralph Lauren Canyon Iris to be exact. This shot does NOT do it justice.

I remember the plan now. The plan was to paint this wall purple, to motivate me into getting rid of the God-awful (original 1980) countertop that clashes horribly with it (you can see a tiny bit of it in the lower right corner of the picture). That countertop actually clashes with life, period. And I was going to get rid of the scary dark brown door (and the others on the top floor here) and replace them with white ones like I did downstairs. I shudder thinking I made those "plans" probably two years ago or more when I was unemployed. Didn't have much disposable income, but I sure had time. But not enough time to finish as you can see. What's hilarious about this is that I have 4 sets of door hardware picked out for the upstairs - nice brushed nickel - all ready to rock, but sitting dormant in their boxes. In the hallway. And no new doors yet. Typical me...I zoom right in on accessories and mentally space out on the "big" stuff.

2012 marks the 10-year anniversary of the townhome purchase. Not beating myself up here...I HAVE done a lot to update this place. New back deck, custom wood window treatments, major appliances like the fridge, washer/dryer, stove and microwave (I'm on my second fridge; see my Refrigerator Drama post for the lovely story on that), some light fixtures and painting projects I actually finished. But it needs so much more. I am the queen of Lists, and I have always had a wishlist of things I want to do here on the fridge - decorating, new cabinets, ripping out carpet, countertops, flooring...

...but, knowing myself well, sometimes I just get overwhelmed. I forget how to prioritize, I see tons of stuff I want to do on my list (and think how much it's all going to cost) and then nothing gets done. What's the tipping point for a list to turn from inspiring to intimidating? Hmmm.

Well, it's time. Time to get moving and get this place in decent shape and out of the lingering early 1980s funk. A friend has offered to help me out with some of these projects and he's going to take a look and see what he can fix and give me some advice about things in here in general too.

Now, where did I put that IKEA catalogue...?

Snail Mail

2012-01-08T12:35:00.000-08:00

It's been a pretty relaxing weekend...dang, that first week back after the holidays can be a little intense. But nothing a virtual helmet and heat shield can't fix. I laugh to myself as I write this, for two years ago the New Year started off for me unemployed. And went that way for several, sometimes-very-painful months. So I suppose I should keep my trap (er, keyboard?) shut and not complain. On the other hand, maybe this is a sign that times are getting better workwise and we're back to the routine again.

I got quite a few tasks done at home including getting tons of mail sorted through, read, bills paid and everything shredded up for recycling. Dang that feels good! I am so happy that lots of magazines now have an option to renew subscriptions online instead of mailing in a check. I have a bad habit of going sure, renew me, and then I mail in one of those "bill me later" forms. Well, when you do that in October and you haven't yet paid by January...oops. Anyway, thanks to the internet I'm good to go. And I just have a couple of quick thank you notes to write for Christmas gifts and I'll be in good shape.

My mailbox goes a tad crazy over the holidays with Christmas cards, great pictures and those often-polarizing Christmas card letters. Oh how I - mostly - enjoy reading them and hearing what everyone's up to. I read and wonder wow, it's been years and years since I've seen some of these families. Where does the time go? And I giggle that I even still receive Christmas cards from people at all...the last time I ever sent out any myself was probably 1996.

Those letters! Mostly super enjoying to savor and read, but others seem rather self-indulgent and even arrogant. Blech. No thanks.

Then there's my college BFF, P. Her family Christmas letters are so full of love - love for family and for everyone - and the love just comes bouncing off the page as I read. And she always includes a hand-written very nice blurb at the end of the letter. This year's words just went straight to my heart: "I hope you know how I think of you and talk about you often. We made some great memories and though we don't talk much I still see you as a best friend." I about burst into tears of happiness....yes...THIS is EXACTLY how I feel too!

P and I were sorority sisters in college. We were not really in the same circles within the house and did not really become close friends until probably our junior year. I'd pledged as a sophomore and the group I ran with was a little different than hers. Kinda funny how even a small, liberal-arts university (with just 1600 undergrads) can still have its pockets and all, even though everyone pretty much knew everyone. But our sorority was pretty big for a small university - around 80-90 members, as were the other two houses. P and I had an apartment off campus our senior year...what an incredible experience that was for us after living in the dorms our freshmen year and in the sorority for two (spoiled with a very nice house and amazing food service compared to the dorm food). The apartment was just a short two blocks away but it might as well have been the moon. The campus is a square mile bubble of goodness in a town that, well, frankly is a little rough in patches. I've driven by where she and I used to live those two decades ago and shudder...she and I lived THERE? In that crappy apartment?

I looked through P's family pictures in the envelope - wow her kids are so incredibly cute! P does not use email a lot and only periodically surfaces in Facebook land. I thought today, you know what, I'm going to sit down and write her a letter. A LETTER!

And then it hit me like a ton of bricks. Or maybe a freight train. When in the hell was the last time I wrote an actual snail mail letter to a friend? To anyone??   And I challenge any of you who stumble around in here...when was the last time for you? Not a quick postcard, not an email, not a text, not any messaging in Facebook or LinkedIn or other social media. Hmmm?? For me it's probably over a year. And probably much longer than that for a hand-written snail mail letter. Oh Lordy my handwriting has declined over the years.  I even remember way back it used to be common practice to send thank you letters - in snail mail - after job interviews. Nowadays things move too fast. Haven't done that any time in this century I'm afraid. Nope, email it is.

So I sit here, smiling, ready to shift gears and start writing to P. I'll think she'll love what she finds in her mailbox.

Reflecting and Looking Forward

2012-01-01T13:03:00.000-08:00

Wow...how fun that my typical blogging day - Sunday - is New Years Day! What sprang from unemployment, boredom, frustration and a lifelong passion for writing is now over two years strong - this September ol' fivenineteen here will be 3. THREE! This will likely be the most productive thing I do all day. Oh, and taking the Christmas tree down too. Thankfully it's a 4 foot artificial tree. Easy to pull apart and pack up until next time.

I remember as a kid I didn't really "believe" it was the New Year until I saw it in writing. Which meant seeing the new year in print on the newspaper the next morning. There still is a part of me that feels that way...although now it's the date readout on my cell phone, my home landline phone or even the little clock on the corner of the laptop screen here. Yep, it's Sunday January 1, 2012. Wow.

It's only natural to reflect back on the year that Was...2011 started off with a bang. Literally. My family said goodbye way too soon to a family member - my cousin's ex wife - at age 41. And a new relationship...intense, yes, which flamed out quickly. And, admittedly, took me awhile to process. Thanks to time and some newly-discovered wisdom shared with me by my dear friend T, it's all so clear to me now. And so great to just Let It All Go.

My health took a nosedive in late winter/early spring last year. Enough to where any plans to hit the gym and train for the year's 5Ks went out the window. We had Typhoid Mary run rampant in that team's cubicle farm. I coughed for two months straight. Here's a tall glass of water in a plastic tumbler toast to a MUCH healthier 2012...with 5Ks to boot! Hmmm, I might steer clear of the gym for a few weeks and try getting outside to exercise. Such a cliche...it's jam packed in January - too hard to get a free treadmill!

I'm optimistic and hopeful about the economy and my job. Save for a two-week break last year between engagements, I was employed all of 2011!! WHAT a relief after the mess of late 2009 and first half of 2010. We HAVE to pull out of this drudgery that is a recession/depression/whatever it is. It sucks and I have good friends still feeling the burn.

My confidence in my Silpada jewelry business only continues to grow and grow...every conversation, every party, every question about my jewelry and what I'm doing only fuels me that I can really DO this, have fun, and make a surprisingly great commission on the side! Just by "selling" a product I've loved for years! (I use "selling" in quotes because it does not really feel like selling at all in the traditional sense.) Just sharing info with people! I meet up regularly with other local reps and the friendships that have grown from them are simply fabulous. Incredible women.

And what a great crescendo on the last part of 2011 when the consulting work I did for free back in 2010 popped into some extra paying work for a couple of months in late 2011! That project is on hold right now, but there is a very strong chance we'll resume work again with the client later this year. Fascinating...and who knows where it could lead? I will be at my current full-time job through late June this year and I know it will go fast. And believe me, I know how to network. If I could stay on longer with this team through June I would leap at the opportunity. But since I do consulting engagements, that's not part of the deal usually. Budget cycles and all mean consultants come and go. Nothing personal.

I feel truly happy and blessed...big smiles as I welcome 2012 and look outside into the sunshine. Time to get outside for a walk!

Always Do Your Best

2011-12-26T11:48:00.000-08:00

When I read or hear those words in the title above I get childhood flashbacks. I can hear my first or second grade teacher tell this repeatedly to us in class as we worked on whatever assignment she gave us. Or my parents telling me the very same thing whether it was in ballet class, that paper mache project, Easter egg dyeing or learning to ride a bike without training wheels. Over and over.

But it's also the 4th agreement in Don Miguel Ruiz's book The Four Agreements. Ah. A few weeks back I made a commitment to read one chapter a week and blog about it. And I'm just a couple weeks behind given another book which distracted me profoundly and a quick mental vacay on my typical blogging day Sunday last week. But it's all good. Now I am realizing this is probably my last post of 2011. Where does the time go?

OK, focus. Ruiz sums up this chapter like this: "Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret."

See what I mean about words that are so simple and so profound? I've probably made that comment ten million times in each post about these Agreements. Don't plan on this book being a quick read if you really want to get the most out of it. You'll want to re-read each chapter several times.

And the beauty of this chapter is that this 4th agreement points back to the other 3. Always Do Your Best to...1. Be Impeccable with your Word; 2. Don't Take Things Personally; and 3. Don't Make Assumptions.

Ruiz goes on to explain how much "doing our best" will vary. When we're relaxed and refreshed our best is going to be better than when we're tired. It will be different when we are happy as opposed to upset. And, as we continue to incorporate the 4 Agreements into our lives, our best will become better than it used to be.

If we do our best we won't judge ourselves. We won't punish ourselves. Ahhh...how freeing is this!! Especially someone like me who inherited a big ol' Perfectionism gene. If it couldn't be perfect - whatever it was - it (or rather, I) sucked. I beat myself up. Or I'd get so overwhelmed I'd procrastinate or even worse not do something at all. What an ugly downward spiral!

It's taken years for me to wrestle and fight off that unreasonable, unrealistic quirk that's so deep in my DNA. Probably a little over ten years ago when I first started seeing a therapist was this pointed out to me. HUH? Well, she was right.

My new, more modern, personal mantra?  "Excellence, not perfection." And I guess that's similar to this 4th Agreement in a way.  These words resonate deep in my bones whether I'm focusing on a work project, getting ready to hit the ice and play hockey or continue to grow my Silpada jewelry business. And every other area of my life too.

Ruiz explains more: "When you do your best, you take action. Doing your best is taking the action because you love it, not because you're expecting a reward." He goes on to explain the cliche of a worker. A worker who only works because he/she is expecting the reward - the paycheck. They work hard the whole week, suffering the actions. They have to work to pay the rent, to support their family...and when they do get their paycheck they are unhappy. There's only a couple days to rest (aka the weekend) and they then try to escape by getting drunk or what have you.

If we take action just for the sake of doing something without expecting a reward, we will enjoy every action we do. If we like what we do, if we always do our best, we are really, truly enjoying life. We have fun, we don't get bored and we don't have frustrations. Man, sign me up!

What about when life takes away something from us? Ruiz explains - "...let it go. When you surrender and let go of the past, you allow yourself to be fully alive in the moment...if you live in a past dream, you don't enjoy what is happening right now, because you will always wish it to be different than it is. There is no time to miss anyone or anything because you are alive. Not enjoying what is happening right now is living in the past and being only half alive. This leads to self-pity, suffering and tears."

Practice makes the master. Ruiz reminds us that we didn't learn to speak, read, write or ride a bike right out of the box. We had to practice, practice, practice! And not judge ourselves when we fall. If we break one of the Agreements, we tell ourselves OK, we'll start over again tomorrow and try again. It will be challenging at first, but as we practice we will get better and better at honoring all four. Stay in the moment and do not worry about the future.

See why this book is going to be a perma-fixture on my bedside table for awhile? It's powerful stuff. Life transforming.

After reading this book I now feel like I have a new, freshly-sharpened set of tools ready to make 2012 an even better year than this one was!

Today is December 26, 2011. It's the beginning of A New Dream.

There's this thing called the "other" folder...

2011-12-22T16:36:00.000-08:00

It's been quite awhile since I've had a double shot post week, so why not now? Something about the holiday season, shopping rush, the solstice...my whole world just tingles with good (and restless) energy. There's a mad scramble at work to get stuff done before the office pretty much goes quiet this week and next as people take vacation over the holidays and into early January. And for those of us still plugging away over a hot desk and laptop, well, there's that funny struggle of wanting to get more done while it's quiet, but there aren't enough people around to truly get it all done or all the right decisions made...ah, the classic dilemma, at least where I'm working right now. Years ago I used to work in the retail service management industry, and this time of year for vacation was a big ol' fuhgeddaboudit given the peak shopping season. Nope - all hands on deck save for Christmas Day and New Years Day. And today I sit here and think oh crap, I've gotta head into the belly of the beast tomorrow (meaning The Mall) and finish some last minute gift shopping.

So anyway, last week I was on Facebook. Now, how often have you read that or heard someone say that and think oh no. Right? Well, as I said when I first launched fivenineteen over two years ago, my interpretations and musings on reality are better than anything I could possibly make up. You might want to go pour yourself a glass of your favorite beverage for this one.

OK, back to Facebook now. Last week on some ho-hum Wednesday night I happened to be browsing around and saw a post from a woman I know from the church I used to attend years ago. Haven't seen her in probably 10+ years, which is kind of sad, but I don't attend that church any longer.

Her post: "You have two inboxes with facebook. You get notified of your messages; but you do not get notified of the messages in your "other" message box. Go to messages and click on it. After you do there is now the work "other" under your messages. (on the side bar). Click on that and see messages sent to you from people not on your friend list."

I thought OK, what the hell, I'll peruse over there and find this "other" folder. Man, I love Facebook but it's hard for me to keep up with all the changes and learn all the nuances and whatnot. By the time I'm home from work and on my home laptop, my brain is pretty much full and fried.

So there was the elusive little "other" folder, a tiny subfolder on my left menu bar. I clicked on it and up popped a very long list of what looked like notifications, spammy type stuff and one email from some random weirdo dude who really likes my profile. Uh huh, whatever. Delete!

Then, there they were. Not one but TWO messages from a guy I was great friends with years ago who I was no longer in contact with. Basically saying hi there, it's been forever, I'm about 92% sure this is you and would be great to catch up sometime.   Oh. My. God. I about fell out of my chair!! And then I about fell out of my chair again when I noticed he had sent these emails to me back in freakin' JULY!! Holy moly...had I not seen that random post from my church friend I never ever would have even noticed that "other" folder in the Facebook message section!

My fingers flew on the keyboard. I wrote him back, still in shock to have found this folder...and his emails from months ago!  Yes, yes, it's me, I'm alive...!!

So what's the story with this guy, you may wonder? In short, he is the closest guy friend I have ever had. We met online I'm guessing around late 2004 or early 2005ish. I had been in a relationship with another guy a good chunk of 2004 who I'd met through hockey. He broke up with me that fall and I admit it broke my heart and put me into an emotional tailspin of sorts.  Hard to explain, and now with it being 7 years later the memories can get a little fuzzy and mushy both. While I'm not typically the type of girl who always has to have a boyfriend, something about that breakup triggered something within me. I immediately started online dating - on two different sites at the same time actually - and I THINK that might have been my first time ever doing that. Nowadays meeting people online is not anything weird, but back then it still might have been a little odd given it had not been around that long. Or maybe that's just my interpretation.

I started going out on a bunch of dates and kind of having casual, not too serious mini-relationships of sorts (and yes, hookups) with a couple of guys. I felt lost and hurt after getting dumped and was just looking for some reasurrance that I was really still desirable to men. In that timeframe, I met L, probably for coffee and dessert or something. We had hockey in common and I just remember him being nice and friendly with an offbeat and awesome sense of humor.

We went out on a couple dates and talked on the phone a few times (this is the olden days before texting became so commonplace) and somewhere in all of this we somehow realized we were better off as friends rather than dating. I'm giggling right now, because if he happens to read this at some point I'm sure he will let me know if my memory of all of this is correct or not.

Let's just say 2005 was a hell of a year. A lot of Life happened and it was intense. My grandfather passed away in early February, a month short of his 94th birthday. 13 days later my niece was born. My Dad retired. I was growing restless at my job - a company I had worked at for over 6 years at that time and I really loved it - but my new Director and I were butting heads quite a bit.

And in the spring of that year, I went through a very dark season in my life.  There was legal drama involved in it too. I am not going to delve into that in here, but just know it was a very bad time for me and given I am an expert at beating myself up, combine that quirk with dark drama and I just felt very lost. I felt like my world was turned sideways or upside down...like my reality had just snapped, shifted and toppled over.

I felt lost but not alone, thank goodness. L was there for me through it all. An amazing friend and confidant he was for me. I confided in probably only my uber close friends circle and my family about what I was going through. L listened and helped keep me laughing when I needed to and gave me advice. He helped me with a few projects around the townhouse here and just was a great shoulder to lean on. And in the funny, small world we live in, it turns out another (female) friend of his has a beach house not far from where my family has had one for 3 generations.  The 3 of us even went down there together one weekend. Can't help but laugh at the Threes Company-ish thing it was, but it was great.

Now somewhere in all of this, L and I started up a mini episode of Friends with Benefits. Ummmm...yeah. Don't judge, people.  Yeah, whenever I hear about people getting into dealios like that I used to judge and think I'd NEVER do that. But definitely no regrets...and he and I later talked about it and agreed we would not cross that line any longer.  And we didn't.

As my dark drama was finishing up that fall, I met another guy online and it got pretty serious pretty quickly. L and I shared our dating stories all the time, and he was genuinely happy for me when this one started taking off. And I was very open about my friendship with L with my new boyfriend. Nothing to hide.

But he would have nothing of it. He didn't want me to be around L and didn't want to meet him or anything. Nope. And I got grilled with ten billion questions about him too and the nature of our friendship. Now, side note here - as I've shared this recently with a few close friends - friends I've met since that era who never knew L or my boyfriend then - it's amazing the wide variety of opinions that come out. Some friends say well, you should have run the other way when your boyfriend got controlling and possessive like that early on. Others say yeah, I can totally see why he wouldn't want you having a close guy friend still in your life as you were focusing on a new relationship. It's all water under the bridge now. But I tell you, I'd never been in a situation like that before and I haven't since.

L gradually faded from my life. I'd made the decision to focus on my new relationship. He and I may have gotten into a couple of spats while this 'transition' was happening too. Again, fuzzy and mushy memories.

When I walked away from that boyfriend in spring of 2007, I kept moving forward and never reached out to L. I had great memories of our friendship and time together but never made any effort to try to track him down. Sometimes people are in our lives for a short while to make a difference, help us and then move on, and I chalked him up to being one of those.

And...life moved onward.

So. 2 days after I discovered those emails in my Facebook inbox last week I was on my way into Ballard to meet L for dinner. My God, had it really been six years? It was like no time had passed. I cannot tell you how great it was to just see an old friend and pick up right where we'd left off. Definitely no hard feelings or regrets. Just hours of talking and catching up. And a brief interlude between restaurants to walk his friend's dog - the one with the beach house near my folks'. Even seeing that dog again brought another wave of great memories whooshing back. Wow.

What a wonderful end of year surprise! Oh, and he and I are Facebook friends now, of course. He says, "hey, let's try staying friends this time, OK?"

I think that's a GREAT idea.

Don't Make Assumptions

2011-12-18T13:20:00.000-08:00

OK, last week's mental vacay was exactly what I needed. Time to re-focus on this mini 4-week blogging project...where are we now? Oh yeah, Week #3. Andddd, only a couple weeks behind given Tangent Time and my vacay. This is part of what I love about blogging - no worries on things being behind because it's just my words and the small handful of you who even read this or stumble in here accidentally. Welcome...and welcome back, by the way!

So, cyber throat clearing, we're on the 3rd of the Four Agreements book by Don Miguel Ruiz.

Don't Make Assumptions. Ruiz opens this chapter with a great summary: "Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life."

So simple, and yet so profound. That's what I've really enjoyed about this book...it's easy to read but mind blowing too. Definitely one to keep on the nightstand, for I always discover new gems when I read chapters I've already read before.

All the sadness and drama in our lives stems from us making assumptions and taking things personally. (Don't take things personally is the Second Agreement, by the way. That was a great one to ramble on about a few weeks back in here.) See how these Agreements tend to build one upon the other? Pretty cool.

The poison that is called gossip - this is how we communicate in the dream of Hell, as Ruiz explains. Because we are afraid to ask for clarification, we make assumptions, and we believe we are right about our assumptions; then we defend our assumptions and try to make someone else wrong.

How often have we all made an assumption about something or someone, only to have been totally wrong later? Our bubble bursts and we get mad, sad and the drama starts. But let's back up a minute...why do we even make assumptions in the first place?

Ruiz explains: "It is very interesting how the human mind works. We have the need to justify everything, to explain and understand everything, in order to feel safe. We have millions of questions that need answers because there are so many things that the reasoning mind cannot explain. It is not important if the answer is correct; just the answer itself will make us feel safe."

So if someone doesn't tell us something (and we don't ask) we make assumptions and believe our own assumptions. We also make assumptions about things we hear but don't understand. What a big, ticking time bomb this can be in relationships!! Damn, haven't we all been guilty of assuming our partner knows want we want, whatever it is? "You should have known." Lovely way to start an argument. We blame our partner but in reality we have no one to blame but ourselves. We didn't ask!

We don't always ask partly because we assume that people see the world the same way we do...think the way we think, feel the way we feel, judge the way we judge and even abuse the way we abuse. Ruiz says this is the biggest assumptions we humans make about one another.

Anyone else out there guilty of getting into a romantic relationship with someone, thinking your love will change them, change the things you don't like about that person (and even deny there are maybe huge things out there that you don't like about him/her?). Raises hand...yep I sure have. The truth is my love will not change anyone. Neither will your love either, by the way. Ruiz even quips that "real love is accepting other people the way we are without trying to change them. If we try to change them, this means we don't really like them." I'm not sure I am 100% on board with that last sentence...need more thinking time here I guess. Sure if there are huge things we don't like then we have to wonder why we're even involved in a relationship with that person. But if it's something silly like I don't like the way he squeezes the tube of toothpaste? Annoying maybe, but not a deal breaker. Honey, can't you squeeze the tube from the bottom, not the middle?  You won't? OK, I'm outta here. Ridiculous, right? I'm pretty sure that's not what Ruiz meant...it's just my mind conjuring up a funny scenario like that.

Ask questions! This is Ruiz's wise advice to us all. Once we hear the answer we will not have to make assumptions because we will know the truth.

But we need the courage to ask for what we want. Sure, it one's right to tell us yes or no, but that's also true for what others ask of us. The Right to Ask is everyone's Right. I've chickened out of asking sometimes throughout my life, I admit, and a lot of times when I'm dating someone. Why? Was I afraid of what the answer might be (as in NO)? Was I afraid of being rejected, and even at risk of 'losing' that person out of my life? Didn't want to rock the boat? Wasn't sure how to articulate what I wanted and didn't want to risk being seen as stupid, needy, high maintenace, whatever?  Yep, probably. Aha, I assumed how the person would react and therefore did nothing and probably got resentful later. BINGO.

So once again, Ruiz nails it with another great chapter in his book. I'm going to continue working on this - it's a lifelong process for sure - and find the inner courage to ask, ask, ask!

Mental Vacay

2011-12-11T10:38:00.001-08:00

Guess the Holiday spirit is in full force here. So much so I really need some extra downtime this morning. Busy weeks/weekends usually energize me but today I'm just flat out tired. The only thing on tap today is the Comcast guy swinging by to fix some pixelated TV channels, and then hockey later tonight. Hopefully I'll have a second or third wind by then to skate!

So, the 3rd of the 4 Agreements post is next weekend. Hope everyone is enjoying the holiday season!

Tangent Time!

2011-12-04T11:54:00.001-08:00

I admit it, I got distracted and didn't have my "homework" ready for today. Yeah, I could have crammed and tried to read and ponder the 3rd chapter of The Four Agreements, but you know what? It's not worth it. This is deep stuff that needs to be read with passion and concentration, not some lame attempt at speed reading just to feel "ready" for today's post.

So what happened? Well, I had lunch with T, one of my dearest friends. We met at Wildfin in Issaquah...she'd heard great things about it and I am always up for trying a new place to eat. I ended up having a small burger and went easy on the fries.  I don't eat meat everyday but I guess I was craving red meat way deep down. After a few nights in a row of yummy pasta tossed with a little pesto it was time.

T has been attending these seminars about...understanding men. Really?? And she just raves about them - she says it's totally changed her outlook and viewpoint on dating and relationships, and has strengthened even her friendships with women too. Sounds pretty profound, eh? Wow, what's going on here? How can you learn stuff like this in a class? Led by mostly women?

She smiled and pulled a small paperback book out of her fabulous Hermes Bolide handbag.  Called Making Sense of Men, by Alison Armstrong. She couldn't wait to loan it to me! Now, I admit, I'm a "black hole" book borrower (that's a self-coined term by the way). It's not intentional, but I am not a voracious book reader, and books loaned to me, well, tend to get absorbed into a bookcase here forever and ever, never to be returned again and possibly not ever read at all. I promised T I'd do my very best to not do that in this case. And she's pretty tenacious, so I'm sure if I don't return it promptly she'll have no qualms asking for it back - as she should!

Now. If you knew you were going to focus on reading the Third of the Four Agreements, but then had to choose between that and a book suddenly plopped in front of you called Making Sense of Men, what would you do? Read them both perhaps? Well, this is me we're talking about here, and given I don't do a lot of book reading, I caved and chose the Men book to focus on. Can't blame me...plus it would be less likely to end up on a "black hole" bookshelf here in the townhouse.

I didn't know how quick a read this was! I pretty much read it in one evening, and have re-read it a couple of times! Can this topic be summed up in a 70-page book? Well, of course not...we're human and complex creatures. And yeah, I've read John Gray's Mars & Venus books, the 1990s classic The Rules and a few others about dating and relationships too. All endlessly fascinating really...and anything I can learn about these creatures called men who I adore and who also sometimes drive me batshit crazy, well then all the better.

It's fascinating how entirely different we are wired. Amstrong proclaims that 99% of the confusion and frustration between men and women is because we - mistakenly - assume we are versions of eachother. "Men are not hairy women," she goes on to say! Ha ha ha that made me giggle.

She goes on to break down the two types of attraction men have towards women. The first - Sexual Attraction. Obvious, right? OK, I won't give away Armstrong's list of what goes into that - check out the book for yourself. And what does her list of sexual attractions trigger in men? They want to have sex.  Period. Doesn't mean they want to date us or have a relationship with us or fall in love with us. Nope. I even remember some John Gray books talking about the same thing a little differently. If a man is physically attracted to a woman, it's just that and nothing else. This confuses us as women, because our first 'degree' of attraction in a man is if he's mentally stimulating to us (whereas in men the first 'degree' is physical). With mental attraction in a man, maybe it's his humor or intelligence that stirs us. By the time we as women are feeling physically attracted we've already gone through two other 'layers' or 'degrees' of attraction if that makes sense. So ladies, if a man is physically attracted to you, enjoy it and don't take it too seriously.

What's the other type of attraction a man has for a woman (but not ALL women per se)? Charmed and Enchanted. Aha! Who wouldn't want to be with a man who is compelled to spend time with you, take care of you, protect you, contribute to you...and make you happy? Without you needing to do anything but just be fabulous YOU? Damn, sign me up. Makes me even swoon here a little just sitting in my office chair, relishing those moments men have done those things for me.  Without any need to make any effort and certainly not nag. THAT'S bliss right there.

Armstrong goes on to explain in what she calls "Men-glish" (love that) - what men say and what it means in female-speak. Things they say to us or offer to do for us when they're Charmed and Enchanted. Believe me, I'm not affiliated with the author of this book or the publishing company or anything, but if you're intrigued by my ramblings here, go pick up the book for yourself! One big key? We as women need to be receptive to these wonderful things men want to do for us! Anyone here ever have a man offer you his jacket because it was cold? And responded by a, "...but won't you be cold?" in return? No, no no!! You are not his mother...accept his generosity and snuggle in his jacket for pete's sake! Hell, I never turn down even the grocery store bag boy's offer to carry my bags to my car. Just enjoy it and smile with a warm thank you. Sure it's his job, but you've probably helped make his day too.

And there is serious "juice" required of us to be the best we can be as women.  Things like being self-confident and authentic. And if a great outfit and killer pair of shoes helps you get there, go for it. Nope, we can't be self-confident fueled on emptiness like sugar and caffeine. Rest, good nutrition, exercise...THAT'S what does it. Don't forget passion...whether it's for our kids, cross-stitching, volunteer work or salsa dancing, as Armstrong explains. And RECEPTIVITY to men's offerings...the doozy! YES! If that guy asks you out for dinner and you're even the slightest bit interested, go! All you have to do is show up, look your hot self and just enjoy a great evening out. Nothing more, nothing less. Receive it graciously, ladies.

I could go on and on, but I'm just intrigued with these simple yet profound insights from Armstrong in her book. Don Miguel Ruiz, I promise your 3rd chapter is my focus this week!

The Third Agreement: Don't Assume Anything.

Don't Take Anything Personally

2011-11-27T11:41:00.001-08:00

This calls for a cup of coffee!

And this is the second part of The Four Agreements book I've committed - joyously - to read and blog about over the next four weeks. This book is compelling enough that I know it will be well broken-in and loved even after I am done with my first read through.

The author, Don Miguel Ruiz, summarizes this chapter: "Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others you won't be the victim of needless suffering."

Wow. Just, WOW!

Why do we take things personally? If someone random dude on the street yells, "hey, you stupid bitch," without even knowing me, it's not about me, it's about them. If I were to take that random mudslinging personally, then perhaps I believe I am a stupid bitch. I might even wonder "...how does he know? Is he clairvoyant or does everyone else out there see how stupid - and bitchy - I am?" The minute I choose to agree with this I've taken the 'poison' as Ruiz calls it, and I'm trapped...trapped in a dream of Hell.

Why eat others' emotional garbage? Emotional garbage...ah, love that term too.

Oh man, I remember getting teased a lot as a kid. Painful. Kids can be absolutely verbally brutal to one another, don't you think? I'd come home in tears sobbing about this and that, crying on my Mom's shoulder. And I in turn picked on others I saw as 'weaker' than me. I remember my Mom saying stuff like, "Just ignore them and it will go away," or even the doozy, "Don't take it personally." That's a LOT for an 8 or 9 year old to process...when you're young all of that playground politics IS your world and nothing else matters.

What if someone insults us, truly hurts our feelings deep down to our core? Ruiz responds by saying, "...it is not what I am saying that is hurting you; it is that you have wounds that I touch by what I have said. You are hurting yourself."

So THAT'S it. Oh, and how did I come across this book, on a side note? Remember the "Two Surprising Ds" post I did recently? I am really enjoying this new friendship with D, the woman I used to see 'squatting' in a building cafeteria where we worked - as did I. (Consultants without official workspaces get to eek out space wherever we can!) Thank you Michael Kors for getting us officially acquainted - she recognized me waiting in line at the store in Bellevue Square and I am so glad she said hello!

One night at a happy hour I was venting to her and a few of her friends about how I got my chops busted a little at work. I was still fuming a bit and feeling taken down a notch or two. Vulnerable. I strive to be open minded, open to feedback from co-workers around me, but when it's delivered in front of another consultant I have just met, well, that's NOT OK in my book. The energy in that small meeting was jacked up and just overall way off. And I felt cut off at the knees, embarrassed, and in my defense, got, well, admittedly, defensive. Hate to admit it, but I did. There, I said it. So D immediately cut to the chase and said ummm, you took it personally and oh you SO need to read this book!

There's something about a double whammy back at me when people tell me to not take things personally. I get stubborn and feel like lashing out with well hell I will feel however I want to, so NEENERS. Yeah, that's mature, right? It's been a lifelong process for me to shed that, grow up, and even take things to the next level by reading this book. Nope, it's not about me. Nothing is. Not even when people get mad at me. My truth is only my perception - no one else's. I let someone push my buttons and I fell off my 'stance.' I got defensive when someone told me to not be defensive! Whoops.

Now I can breathe and learn through that recent experience and let it go. And it feels fantastic!

What about the flip side, say when someone says "you are wonderful."  Ruiz explains: "...they are not saying that because of you. You know you are wonderful. It is not necessary to believe other people who tell you that you are wonderful. Don't take anything personally. Even if someone got a gun and shot you in the head, it was nothing personal. Even at that extreme."

OK wow, I had not even taken it that far in my mind but alrighty! But let's back up to the compliment of "you are wonderful." What's wrong with acknowledging a compliment like that with a genuine THANK YOU in return? I was always taught to appreciate compliments and not brush them off. I'll have to keep mulling over that one. Perhaps he means that - let me read my paragraph above again - that if we already feel that way we don't need others to tell us?

When we take things personally, we set ourselves up to suffer. To suffer for nothing. Ruiz even talks about abuse: "...if you have the need to be abused you will find it easy to be abused by others. Likewise, if you are with people who need to suffer, something in you makes you abuse them...they are asking for justification for their suffering."

If we don't take things personally, we will never be hurt by what other people say or do. How freeing is that? We are not responsible for the actions of others...we're only responsible for ourselves.

So my goal is to really, truly incorporate this mantra into my daily living and breathing, even moreso on top of my tough lifelong journey to shed that old skin. I know I can do it and I won't judge or beat myself up when I slip either. Onward!

Next week's post: Don't Make Assumptions.

Be Impeccable With Your Word

2011-11-20T10:17:00.001-08:00

OK, we're off and running here! Last week I committed to blogging over the next four weeks about an amazing book I'm slowly savoring and reflecting upon.

It's called The Four Agreements, written by Don Miguel Ruiz. And if you have sharp eyes you'll notice the picture of the book is from the nice people at Amazon.com (thanks, everyone!) This book was written about 15 years ago, but the wisdom it contains goes back thousands of years. The knowledge comes from the Toltec people, stemming back to southern Mexico. It's not a religion, but it does honor all spiritual masters who have taught on Earth.

Ruiz explains that dreaming is the main function of our minds, and our minds dream 24/7. The difference is when we are awake "...there is a material frame that makes us perceive things in a linear way. When we go to sleep we do not have the frame, and the dream has the tendency to change constantly."

Wow, that's profound! I never thought we're actually dreaming while awake too (except for day dreaming). No wonder our dreams when asleep can be so wacky and random, only making sense in their moment. Once we're awake - poof - they're mostly gone.

Simple and profound - this is the exquisite content within this book. I find it both very challenging and relaxing to read and contemplate, and much of it I will need to read several times through - joyously - to truly attempt to understand. Don't get me wrong - the language is easy to read and the tone is like firm love.

He calls what society teaches us "human domestication." We didn't choose to speak our native tongue when we were growing up, we didn't choose our religion - we didn't even choose our own name! What happens during this process is we "...form an image of what perfection is in order to try to be good enough. We create an image of how we should be in order to be accepted by everybody...like Mom, Dad, brothers and sisters, the priests and the teacher. Trying to be good enough for them, we create an image of perfection, but we don't fit this image. We create this image, but this image is not real. We are never going to be perfect from this point of view. Never! Not being perfect, we reject ourselves. And the level of self-rejection depends upon how effective the adults were in breaking our integrity."

He talks about abuse...how much we judge and abuse ourselves for our mistakes. In relationships, if we are with someone who abuses us more than we abuse ourselves we will likely walk away from that person. But if we are with someone who abuses us just a bit less than we abuse ourselves, we will probably stay in the relationship and tolerate it endlessly.

So here is the first agreement and my (gloriously imperfect) ramblings about it:

Be Impeccable with your word.
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

Through our word we express our creative power...through it we manifest everything. Our word is a double-edged sword...we can create beauty with it or destroy everything around us.

What does impeccable mean here? It means we take responsibility for our actions but we do not judge or blame ourselves.

Wow. That's huge. *Raises hand*...I am likely the queen of self-blame and self-criticism. Only in the past, most recent decade of my life, thanks to an amazing therapist, was this pointed out to me...reflected back in my face like a giant mirror, on how badly I beat myself up over everything I do that falls short of perfection. Rather, we are human and gloriously flawed. Breathe, breathe....strive for EXCELLENCE, not perfection. This is the relatively new internal message I've worked so hard to incorporate into my core being, swimming upstream against decades more of habit and DNA. Oy. It's a journey, not a quick fix.

Ruiz goes on to discuss gossip and how mainstream it is for us as a communication vehicle - and how poisonous it is, like a computer virus within our minds. How many times have we gossiped about the person we love the most to gain support from others for our point of view? Reality check:  your opinion is your point of view. Doesn't mean it's true...rather it comes from your own belief, your own ego, your own dream.

How fertile are our minds for negative ideas and "spells" people put upon us? If we are impeccable with our word our minds become only fertile for words that come from love. And how we feel about ourselves - how much we love ourselves - is directly proportionate to the quality and integrity of our word.

So this is the first of four new 'seeds' planted in my (fertile) mind. How impeccable am I with my word right now? How often do I tell myself how wonderful and great I am? Do I speak (and write) the truth in everything I do? I've been called "honest to a fault" by some, and I actually take that as a huge compliment. How many white lies do we tell every day? To others?  To ourselves?  Yeah, I love gossip as much as the next person, but I wouldn't label myself as gossip-y. My goal this past week and going forward is to always say what I mean and mean what I say, both speaking and in writing.  And to not beat myself up if I am not perfect.

I feel happy and alive on this journey...waves of goodness wash all around me and inside me too. Is this some sort of cleansing? I'm not questioning it one bit; just loving every second of this new "work."

Next week's Second Agreement post: Don't take things personally. This one's gonna be a doozy in so many ways.

Holy Grail Hair Care

2011-11-13T11:18:00.001-08:00

OK, it's been awhile since I did some product reviews, so here we go.

I love the changing seasons here in the Northwest, but the rain does a number on my hair. I joke that my hair is a human barometer...a little humidity or drizzle outside and POOF. Frizz.

Hair is emotional for a lot of us. Let's face it, we wear our hair everyday so it's always on display and out there. If I'm having a bad hair day it ruins my mood. I'm sure I'm the only one who notices, but still.

Back in the 1980s when big hair ruled, I was right there. Mousse, curling irons, hair spray - I did it all. And my "helmet hair" looked pretty damn good even if it didn't move much. Neither did anyone else's! Some of our sorority pictures from the late 1980s have resurfaced in Facebook Land thanks to scanners. Damn that was a LOT of big hair! We pretty much worshipped Paul Mitchell products...or Aqua Net as a super cheap (but super stinky) alternative.

Hair trends change (that's a good thing, plus it makes for funny memories looking back). Somewhere into the early 1990s big hair went away. Ah, now I remember. It was the Jennifer Aniston shag cut (from the Friends TV show) that pretty much launched a new era of hair style. Long, choppy layers...and straight, not curly.

Hard to believe that was over 15 years ago! But hair is still worn much more loose and natural, not in the stiff, shellac'd and crunchy curled 1980s way. And that's fine by me...I haven't used hair spray in years and my bangs are no longer 2" above my head. I still have a curling iron but it's slept dormant in a bathroom drawer for eons. My profile pic is pretty accurate, save for the bangs which I've grown out a little longer (full on bangs are too high maintenance for me I discovered in a brief interlude c. 2009. But they did hide the forehead crinkles which was nice).

All these cool, long layered styles are fabulous, but for me a problem. My hair is pretty thick and wavy...if left to dry on its own without a hair dryer it morphs into wildly-varying forms of waves and curls. A tad freakish. It's funny how back in the big hair days I spent so much time every morning getting my hair all curled and sprayed. Now fast forward a couple decades and I spend time daily...smoothing it out. Which is a chore. And every day it behaves a little differently.

So in all this rambling you can probably guess I've tried tons of products out there to keep my hair smooth. Not to get it poker straight, but straight enough...and it's got to stay that way all day which is the problem. Yeah, there are things out there like Brazilian blowouts and other semi-permanent straightenings but they scare me. I stick with getting my highlights touched up and don't really want to add any more chemicals into my hair, even if they say those treatments are OK for color-treated hair.

After going through several flat irons - frustrated - I discovered the GHD Styler thanks to some nice online discussion/enabling and raving about it. Gulp...$240?? That's what I plunked down for it a few years ago (I see it's come down in price slightly in that link). But you know what? 4 years of near daily use and this thing is a champ. It heats up super quickly, shuts itself off, and has curved edges so you can do waves or even curls with it too (it comes with a DVD to show you how). And it doesn't dry out or damage my hair...it just smooths it out and makes it look nice and shiny!

And speaking of shiny...this hair journey wouldn't be complete without talking about some of my favorite shampoos, conditioners and styling products. Step into my shower and you'll find a good 6 or 7 shampoos, conditioners and a couple of cleansers and body washes. Yeah, I have no brand loyalty in this department either (just like makeup) and love rotating products daily. Even the smell of shampoo is wonderful to savor in a hot shower, and helps me wake up and get energized.

I tend to be a hair product snob. I'm pretty good at mixing cheaper makeup products in with the spendier ones, but with shampoo and conditioner I've always gone more high end. Brands like Kerastase, Alterna and Arbonne.  No shame here in plunking down $25-$30 for a bottle of shampoo. After all, it's fabulous quality, smells amazing and lasts a long time. And it's for HAIR! There used to be a fantastic beauty supply store right on my commute home which was like kryptonite or crack to me. Maybe it's a good thing it's closed down. But then that cool thing called the internet? With items marked down and/or free shipping? I'm a sucker...sign me up.

Then one day in the grocery store I passed by the shampoo aisle and they had some tiny samples of Garnier's Sleek & Shine shampoo and conditioner. I thought hell, for $1 each, why not? I opened the bottle and wow...a very happy green apple fragrance too. Sold. If I didn't like it, no worries, I'm just out $2.

I am truly, truly impressed with these Garnier products. And now the proud owner of two large bottles of shampoo and conditioner.  Each was around $5 apiece, a fraction of what I usually pay. And this stuff WORKS. And it does what it says it will do. I am amazed how great my hair looks...no midday poofing or curling. We have not had a lot of rainstorms here - yet - so that will be the true test. I bet it's going to work out wonderfully.

Garnier also has a cream in a tube to use on towel-dried hair prior to blow drying. Got it at the grocery store for all of $3 and it is amazing. So long to my pricier Tigi after she's used up.

OK, now I have also fallen in love with a pricier brand, so this journey is still hard on my wallet. Moroccan Oil. There is a small group of shops and restaurants a short walk from my office building, and there is a salon on the main floor. I stopped in once on my way to grab lunch and had a great chat with the girls there. They had a Moroccan Oil product display and I asked if any of it would work on my hair. They suggested a bottle of the treatment oil - it comes in a formula for light colored hair too! I dab a little on my ends occasionally to keep them weighed down. Love it! I also am now a huge fan of their shampoo, conditioner and glimmer spray. The spray just adds a little shine, not hold like a hair spray.

So between Garnier and Moroccan Oil I'm smiling big through the season that normally wreacks havoc on my hair.

And, major gear shifting here...next week I am going to start the first of a 4-part review of a book I've recently purchased and have just started to read. Just putting that out there to keep myself accountable. Wish me luck!

That Glorious Extra Hour!

2011-11-06T12:18:00.000-08:00

Oh man ohmanohmanohman...I am sitting here grinning ear to ear, sunshine streaming into the home office...and...

It's. Only. 11am!! Not noon!

Seriously, people, our flip back to Standard Time (clocks go back one hour) is my most FAVORITE time of the year. Payback...we balance the books. It's no secret DST kicks my ass when we lose that hour in the spring. I feel jetlagged that entire week, and perpetually stressed that I am constantly running late. Tired + late = bad combination.

But now, time to chill. I woke up Saturday just knowing this morning was coming. Kinda poked around the house and later, fueled by a salted caramel mocha from a Starbucks drive thru (which I RARELY do even though there is one just 5 seconds from my house), I drove out to visit my dear friend T in Sammamish. She's going to do a Silpada party later in December - an absolutely perfect time to host a party as it's prime time shopping season! Blue sky, leaves turning - ahhh anytime I need to whip out sunglasses in November I am a happy girl.

I had a major sushi craving as I was driving home, and swung by the Metropolitan Market to pick up some other groceries too. I used to commute through the Houghton neighborhood a couple of years ago when I briefly worked in Kirkland and I miss it. The Metropolitan Market is absolutely amazing, and the people who work there have their shit together. Nice, knowledgeable, energetic. You can just "feel" it when you walk in.

So I grabbed some pre-made sushi (it's actually pretty decent as they make it fresh right there in the store), got home and added an extra blob of wasabi and a few shakes of Nama Shoyu (unpasteurized soy sauce as recommended in my raw food cookbooks). Even found my chopsticks too! Bliss.

...almost as blissful as sleeping in today until 10am (which really was 11am but I remembered to turn the clocks back tonight - oops, well most of them). Funny how my cell phone didn't make the automatic change (booo) but the old, crappy laptop here sure did.

So that's about it. Just enjoying a nice, lazy weekend - hockey is the big exclamation point later tonight. Can't wait!

And the nice people at amazon.com are sending me a book that was very highly recommended by my new friend D. I'll leave it at that for now - it's on it way and I will likely have my first ever book review post in here soon!

Vitamin Rambling

2011-10-30T12:42:00.000-07:00

I rolled around in my bed this morning, feeling so rested and so lazy too. And laughed at myself when I realized it was 10:30am! What a lazy butt I can be.

Reflecting on this past week...I have a lot to be thankful for. I feel happy, energized, confident...not that I wasn't before but I'm feeling that inner surge and whooshing around that just makes me feel, well, happy! I DID start taking vitamins more regularly - is that one of the reasons, or just a coincidence?

I usually take a couple of fish oil capsules every morning - they say those extra Omega 3s are good for your brain and digestion so it couldn't hurt. I like the unscented ones because while I love fish I don't need to start off my day with my breath smelling like it.

And when cleaning out a drawer in my bathroom I discovered a jar of Vitamin D that I'd forgotten about. Expiration date's still aways in the future so into the routine she goes too. Where else do we get Vitamin D besides some daily sun exposure?  Milk? And mushrooms I think (sounds strange though)? Well, around here daily sun exposure is non-existent and laughable to attempt, especially this time of year. I don't drink milk either (though I never met a cheese I did not love, but does cheese have vitamin D in it? It must if it's made with milk, right?).

And...good ol' Vitamin C. Doesn't hurt to pop a couple of those every day as we head into the winter flu season.   I've already had a cold since starting this new job and earlier this year I had that cough that lingered easily two months. No more of that, thankyouverymuch.

What else did I find in that bathroom drawer? Some multi-vitamins.  Jar half empty and expiration date still OK (I am VERY anal about pull dates on food/vitamins/you name it. They're there for a reason!)

NOW I remember why I stopped taking those. They upset my stomach no matter how much extra water I'd drink after taking them. I'd feel like I was going to puke on my drive to work. Not fun. But I decided to try eating a little bit more in the morning (I'm usually so rushed I have a quick wedge of cheese and that's it till lunch time). Anyway as I ramble here, I'm trying to allow just a few extra minutes in my morning routine to take these vitamins with a ton of water...and I feel great! Is it just psychological? On the other hand, the stupid bruise on my knee is finally going away (don't ever bump into your dishwasher when it's open - just sayin), and some of the sharp knee pain I've experienced occasionally - recently - going up or down stairs has vanished. I slowly, carefully, knock on wood about that. I figured the knee pain was a reminder that I need to lose weight AND that I am not getting any younger.

So we'll leave that alone for now. I rolled out of bed yesterday and headed to my favorite spa for a little, ummm, maintenance. And I actually got there early enough to head into the Starbucks across the street and relax a little. Lo and behold I had a Starbucks gift card hiding deep in my wallet I'd completely forgotten about! Bonus!

I tried my first ever salted caramel mocha. With half the usual chocolate as someone suggested.  Delicious! I sat outside at one of the small tables, browsed Facebook on my phone and just savored my coffee. This is freakin' late October, people, and it's sunny and I'm sitting outside enjoying the changing leaves, slight breeze, and a beautiful view of Lake Washington. Amazing!

I've known my esthetician, M, for probably 10 years and she is wonderful to chat with. As we were waiting for the eyebrow tint to work its magic she said you HAVE to come check out the knitware we have in the front of the spa. It's flying off the shelves and the prices are amazing (amazing as in low, ha ha).

Sure enough...a few minutes later I picked up a black infinity scarf and a medium grey toque with a fleur de lis design in grey bling on one side. LOVE IT! I loved it so much I immediately cut off the tags and wore it running errands the rest of the afternoon. Perfect new fall accessories! And they were $40 total - yes for both! If you haven't tried an infinity scarf, check them out. It's a scarf that's in one continuous loop - so easy to just plop on and it always looks great! And doesn't fall off either. I actually have this one on its way in the silvery knit from the nice people at Nordstrom. It will go perfect with my new toque!

Now it's time to get caught up on reading, cook up some chicken for an early dinner and get ready for hockey later tonight.   Best way ever to wrap up a weekend!

All Plates Spinning

2011-10-23T15:15:00.000-07:00

Wow.

OK, I'm tired. I can't decide if this is a good tired or not, so I'm going with good...for now.

I got a lot of seeds planted over the past year and half. Seeds like job connections. Doing the pro bono work with my friend/colleague when I was unemployed. Representing Silpada. And it's funny how sometimes the seeds sprout up all at the same time!

I had one of those weeks where I barely had time to sneeze, starting with Tuesday. Oh yes, glorious hockey. Hockey is that regular rhythm that is such a delicious part of my lifestyle...a wacky outlet that continually surprises people when I tell them I play (yes, year 'round, co-ed). Normally we have games on Sunday nights, but this week we played on Tuesday night...a 9:30pm faceoff at a rink about a half hour drive from my house. We had a tough 4-1 loss, but on the other hand it was probably a good 'keep the ego in check' kind of game, because our previous two games were blowout wins.

Getting home at 11:30pm on a Tuesday night, knowing morning is just around the corner, is surreal. It's hard to wind down and immediately get to sleep, so the next day I am usually on adrenaline and crash early the next night.

Wednesday? After work I met with a former co-worker for a quick drink. He used to be my Director way back in the early 2000s, and we have kept in touch over the years as our career paths moved onward. Most recently he and I worked together on that pro bono project with another mutual colleague.

...that project which is pro bono no more! Later that night I got home, got a 2nd (3rd?) wind and fired up the home laptop. Did I mention that the company did finally land some actual business with an actual client? And that while the gig was in progress the founder of this company (my friend/colleague who was actually doing the work himself because it wasn't enough to justify hiring someone) meanwhile also landed some full-time work of his own with a different company and moved to Baltimore? And asked me to help finish up the project? Yes, 'tis true. Whew, did those last few sentences make sense? It's all a big whoosh, just like it's been in my head trying to process it all. I'm flattered he asked me to take over the work to be done, and also am learning how much my brain needs to stretch to keep the mental "work" energy fresh and vibrant for an extra 10 hours or so a month. I got home Wednesday night after that drink with M, called A (who is on east coast time so it's super late for him), fired up the laptop here and worked for an hour on another version of a project schedule. Ah, the classic time and resource constraints. We now have a recommended schedule and a shortened, condensed version of the schedule, which we may have to resort to if our client's budget runs out end of calendar year. And we need a decision quick because time is ticking. Nope, the calendar is not our friend.

As I was working over the phone with A updating the spreadsheet, I was mentally multi-tasking, thinking ahead to the next morning - Thursday. We had a training session onsite with that client, and earlier this month I was a little worried on if I'd be able to take a half day off from my "real" full-time job to go to the client site. Thursdays are typically super busy. But the universe smiled, and it was easy to get my time off approved. Even better, the FTEs at my full-time job had an offsite event all day, so I didn't feel too guilty about being away either. None of the pro bono work I'm doing is in direct competition with my full-time job, but still it feels a little funny doing this side work...not in a bad way at all though.

The training Thursday morning was in downtown Seattle. Le Sigh, how suburban I have become. I was laughing to myself remembering how long it's been since I've worked downtown. 17 years. How I miss it...I lived and worked in Seattle for years after finishing college and just took the bus everywhere - it was fabulous. And I never lived in the suburbs while working in the city - the only time I ever did any regular commuting from the suburbs into Seattle was - gulp - in 1988 when I was taking some classes at the U of W for some extra college credit while home for the summer between my junior and senior year.

So that night I was wondering just how bad the traffic would be for the morning commute. And I had to get up about an hour and a half earlier than I usually do. It was almost dreamlike, busting out of my routine, heading over that bridge into Seattle. The bridge where they're still struggling to get the toll functionality to work properly - looks like they've pushed out to start in December now. I actually made great time and got to the building about a half hour early. Ahhh, perfect. Enough time to join the super long line at Starbucks. I needed a double tall nonfat latte something fierce! I reminisced, remembering how I worked in a building just across the street from where I was, high up enough to where we could look DOWN upon this building as it was under construction. Back in those days when I dressed up for work in skirts, pantyhose and pumps, and the only computer in our office was a huge 386 desktop for all 6 of us to share. We did most of our daily grind on state of the art (back then) typewriters and our essential fax machine. Ahhh, that morning it felt strange to be going to work without my laptop briefcase. Just my purse and a notebook tucked inside. How much things have changed in 20+ years!

After the client meetings that morning, I headed back to the 'burbs and my full-time job. And made the drastic mental shift from consulting to...printing. What's going on here? Well, at my full-time job some of the team are conducting a long series of workshops where they use large wall posters as visual aids to do some grounding on why the heck we're doing the work we're doing. We're a little tight on our supply budget, so I was asked to help out by doing some of the large poster printouts myself, using one of the huge plotter-style printers that are in various locations around our campus. Sounds easy enough, but it sure wasn't. Finding where they are, finding out if they're open for other groups to use (meaning, not private), finding out if they are actually working or not, getting the right printer drivers installed... UGH UGH UGH. Now I'm not one to bitch about work, but come on now. How much money are we really saving having me, a well-paid (and, ahem, well-billed) consultant doing all this legwork that we could just hand off to a professional printer and be done with it? Hmmm.

A 10 minute drive across campus and 3 hours later, I completed the printouts.  Getting them rolled up and clipped and into my car - in the rain - was interesting to say the least. Paper is goddamn heavy! No joke! I'd hoped to get some other work done while these huge posters were printing but nope, no dice. I found out just how high maintenance these print jobs are. The paper does not capture well after it prints, so I had to hold it just so, so it wouldn't fold up or bend.

And at about 4:30pm, I mentally shut down. I'd gotten up early, got out of my routine going downtown for half a day, then spent the other half of the day back at work cranking out posters on a huge printer. Guess that hit my saturation point. I went home, exhausted.

Friday was a good day to catch up on work missed Thursday, and I topped it off meeting up with D for a drink at Brix, a wonderful wine bar not far from my house. D's the one I ran into at the Michael Kors store a few weeks ago (see my Two Surprising Ds post for that funny story!). I'm really enjoying getting to know her!

And Saturday? Keeping up with me here? I did a Silpada party for my good friend S, who was my neighbor here in the townhouse complex for many years. She and her boyfriend recently bought an absolutely beautiful home in Lake Tapps and it was time for housewarming and playing with jewelry! We had a blast. It's an hour drive each way to their house, but so incredibly worth it.  I earned $300 commission from the party sales - not too shabby for just a few hours of "work" eh?

So it's not surprising that I slept in till nearly 11am today. Yikes, that even is late for me and borders on feeling wasteful of the day. But that was how tired I was!

No rest tonight either save for a short nap maybe later. Yep, Sunday night means hockey. And tonight's faceoff?

10:45pm.  Awww yeahhhh.

Well hello again, Food Processor

2011-10-16T12:08:00.000-07:00

...and time to change it up in fivenineteen land in here a little! How do you like what I've done with the place? :-)

So it's that still, grippy grey outside again. So silent this morning it woke me up. No wind, no rain, no cars on the road. Damn, did everyone leave town except me?

And I've just about finished up the last of that wonderful Bolognese sauce I made last week. It keeps beautifully in a Tupperware in the fridge. This batch went quickly so I won't likely need to freeze any.

Now, in last week's post I made some comment about how I don't mind the chopping and prep work that you could do in a food processor in a fraction of the time. Maybe I stirred the sleeping beast way deep in the back, top shelf of my pantry.

I must have been craving something completely different for this weekend's cooking adventure. I have a pretty decent kitchen, but it's nowhere near the size or with the open feel that more modern kitchens have today. Nope, it's 1980 here in our townhouse complex, and while one of my neighbors did a glorious remodel to open up her kitchen area into a nice great-room flow, the rest of us have not yet pulled the trigger. I'm glad I at least have a good-sized, open bar counter area on one side which looks into the dining room and a nice bay window and slider which plops out onto my back deck. So no claustrophobia. It's just a small-ish kitchen with not a whole lot of spare countertop space.

And part of that countertop space is a mini-showcase of my beloved cookbooks. The rest are in the pantry...and that pantry is a hodgepodge of well, stuff you normally put in a pantry, my spices, and some cooking gadgets I don't use super often. And my hand mixer, a wonderful toaster oven with a mini pizza stone, waffle iron, plastic wrap, tin foil...hmmm, I think this baby is due for a major cleanout.

I took a good, hard look at those cookbooks. How much have I REALLY used them recently? The slow cooker recipes, raw "cooking," vegan, Primal, Italian food, American Southwest...time to pull one off the display and try something different, I told myself.

So I reached for Caprial's Bistro-Style Cuisine, by Caprial Pence. (That's "kuh PREEL" on the first name, by the way.) I have one of her other cookbooks, and way back in the day (late 1990s) she had a cooking show on our local public TV station, which is how I first found out about her, channel surfing on some lazy weekend afternoon. Caprial's signature are recipes that are simple but super chock-full of flavor and come together very quickly, with a big nod to the flavors of Pacific Northwest cooking.

Here's what I whipped up - it's chicken with a wonderful, spicy peanut sauce which you can also use on grilled prawns or fish. The sauce has a good kick but not in a blow-your-head-off way. Head to the Asian foods section of your grocery store! And when she says to mix ingredients in a food processor, she means it. I dug out my 11-cup Cuisinart, blew the dust off and took her for a spin.

Hot-as-Hell Chicken on Noodles with Peanut Sauce
Serves 4

Peanut Sauce
2 tsp peeled, chopped fresh ginger
2 tsp chopped cilantro
2 cloves garlic
2 fresh jalapeno peppers (whole, stems removed)
1/2 C red wine vinegar
1/2 C soy sauce
1 heaping C creamy peanut butter
2 tsp curry powder
1/4 C honey
2 tsp dark sesame oil

Chicken
1 tsp olive oil
4 (6 oz) chicken breast halves
1/2 C dry sherry
1 C sweet hot chile sauce
1/2 lb dried Chinese egg noodles, cooked al dente and tossed with a dash of vegetable oil
1/2 C dry roasted peanuts or cashews (I used cashews)
3-4 green onions, minced

To prepare the peanut sauce, combine the ginger, cilantro, garlic, jalapenos, vinegar, soy sauce and peanut butter in the bowl of a food processor and process until smooth. Scrape down the sides of the bowl and add the curry powder, honey and sesame oil and process until smooth. Set aside.

In a very large saute pan, heat the olive oil over high heat until smoking hot. Put the chicken breasts in the pan and brown them well, about 2 minutes on each side. Decrease the heat to medium and cook for another 2 to 3 minutes. Add the sherry, increase the heat to high and cook until about half the sherry remains, 2-3 minutes. Add the chile sauce and turn the breasts to coat them well. Decrease the heat to low and slowly simmer while you prepare the noodles.

Put the noodles in the pasta insert and set in a pot of boiling water or in the stock pot and cook for about 2 minutes to heat them through. Strain the cooked noodles and place in a large bowl. Toss them with 1/2 cup of the peanut sauce and place on a serving platter. Remove the chicken breasts from the sauce and slice. Place the chicken slices on the noodles and pour some of the remaining sauce over the top. Sprinkle with the peanuts or cashews and scallions. Serve hot.

NOTE: I had some bowtie pasta lying around and used that instead of egg noodles. I bet this would be great over rice too.

Late Night Mid-Week Slow Cookin'...

2011-10-09T12:12:00.000-07:00

Fall is here! Even on a rare sunny day like yesterday it felt different. It's crispy outside (or soggy if it's raining). It's getting darker a little earlier than it used to and the shadows are long even midday. I met up with a good friend on the top of the hill here yesterday very spontaneously for a 90 minute brisk walk. Leaves are starting to turn, and the tall sunflowers in that corner yard we always pass by are now top heavy and tired from their own weight.

So while I always mourn summer as she melts away into fall, I DO love this time of year for the clothes and food. Time to bust out the sweaters, boots, leather jackets...oh yeah. And cooking! Soups! Stews!

Last year I purchased a slow cooker for the first time. I remember our Crock Pot as a kid - my Mom made wonderful chicken dishes all the time - and they seem to be coming around in style again. Kinda like fondue. Anyway, mine was free actually. Remember the Refrigerator Drama from last year?  I got a $100 Sears gift card, one of the few bright spots in that whole episode. So I used it toward a slow cooker. Very nice, stainless steel, 3 1/2 quart size. And my folks gave me a Williams-Sonoma slow cooker recipe book for Christmas.  Love it!

And it was time to bust a move with it again. Last weekend I had 3 lbs of ground beef in my fridge, just a couple days away from use it or freeze it. I really wanted to make a Bolognese sauce - the cookbook recipe is wonderful - but, being a smart cook, re-read the recipe. Ah yes, now I remember: once you make the sauce it needs 4 hours in the slow cooker on high heat or 8 hours on low heat. Hmmm...how do I cram that into my crazy week schedule? I know one cool thing about a slow cooker is you can put everything in it in the morning, turn it on low and come home that night from work with your meal ready! But for some reason I've been a little reluctant to do that. What if I get stuck at work late or in traffic? I know they shut off to a low simmer once the timer goes off, but anyway I guess I'm not comfortable with something "cooking" in my house when I'm not there.

Last week definitely was burning the candle at both ends. Sunday night was our first hockey game of the season! Woo hoo! With a 10:45pm faceoff! Not so woohoo. But that's winter season for ya. It was awesome seeing my teammates again, meeting a couple new faces and getting back on the ice. I had not skated since around June and frankly have been woefully lame getting regular exercise. But I actually skated and played a lot better than I thought I would. And we had an 8-4 blowout win!

There's something surreal about leaving the rink after a late game. That night, it was midnight. Luckily this game was at the rink that's just a 5 minute drive from my house, so no excuses. Once I get to the rink, especially for a late game, time kind of stops mentally for me, except for our game clock. I force myself not to look at the "real" clock...nope don't need to be reminded it's 11:30pm or whatever! Crazy.

Now, it's uber hard to immediately wind down and get to sleep after hockey, as much as I want to/need to, especially on a Sunday night (errr, early Monday I guess). So that means an extra cup of coffee at work. Those of you reading this who play hockey or other late night sports know what I'm talking about!

So Sunday night was out for making the sauce. Onward to Monday. Well, I didn't get home as early as I'd thought, and so I got a late start getting the ingredients ready. There's a bit of chopping and prep time, plus you need to brown 3 lbs of ground beef and make a little extra sauce with some deglazing. I honestly don't mind doing a lot of chopping/prep work by hand. Yeah, there are these really cool things out there called food processors, and I actually do own a couple - one large, one small - but when it comes to chopping, slicing or dicing relatively small amounts of ingredients, I'm good with my cutting board and a sharp knife. My Mom says I'm my grandmother's granddaughter...on my Dad's side. Right down to our mutual love of flour sack towels to get those last drops off of pots and pans after they air dry.

Getting the meat, veggies and deglazing sauce ready was all I had time for on Monday. Even on the high heat setting, 4 hours in the slow cooker would mean finishing up at 1am. And I just couldn't do it. So I put the cooked meat and veggies in a huge Pyrex bowl, poured the deglazed sauce in it, covered it with foil and put it in the fridge.

Tuesday? Well, that was a night out with my Silpada team. We meet monthly and normally are at our team leader's house, but this time we changed it up and met at Purple, a wine bar in downtown Bellevue. I loved seeing everybody and relaxing with some wine and munchies. Someone even sprung for a round of salted caramels for dessert. WOW. We definitely were the most bling'd out table, and given it was a little noisy we just had a ton of chitchat rather than any kind of organized meeting agenda, and passed around eachother's jewelry for everyone to try on.

I got home at 10pm that night. So that's a no-go on finishing that darn sauce.

Wednesday night, anyone?  This HAD to be the night to finish. I thought it would be OK, but a teeny part of me was worried that the sauce would turn out different or weird having been in the fridge for two days.  But, it turned out great. Kinda weird getting steaming hot sauce to cool down and get divided up into Tupperwares...at midnight. Ahh, blissful sleep.

So I learned that slow cooking is MUCH better done on a weekend. Thankfully this sauce keeps beautifully in the fridge or freezer. (This sauce stores up to 3 days in airtight containers in the fridge or in the freezer for up to 3 months). But it's soooo good I bet you won't be able to keep it around that long!

Here's the recipe!

Bolognese Sauce
Makes about 12 cups (3 quarts)

2 T olive oil
2 oz pancetta, chopped
2 small, finely chopped yellow onions
2 finely chopped carrots
1 stalk finely chopped celery
3 lbs ground beef
2 C beef broth
1 1/2 C dry red wine
1 can (28 oz) crushed or diced plum tomatoes
1/2 C milk
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
Fresh Italian leaf parsley, minced for garnish (optional)

In a large frying pan over medium-high heat, warm the oil. Add the pancetta and saute until it begins to render its fat, about 1 minute. Add the onions, carrots and celery and saute until the onions are translucent, about 5 minutes. Add the beef and cook, breaking up the meat with a wooden spoon, until it is no longer red, about 7 minutes.

Transfer to the slow cooker. Add the broth and wine to the pan and raise the heat to high. Bring to a boil and deglaze the pan, stirring to scrape up the browned bits on the pan bottom. Pour the liquid into the slow cooker along with the tomatoes and stir to combine.

Cover and cook the sauce on the high heat setting for 4 hours, or the low heat setting for 8 hours. Add the milk, stirring to combine. Cover and continue cooking for 20 minutes longer. Season with salt and pepper.

...now, how do you use this sauce? Toss it with some fettucine and sprinkle in fresh-grated Parmesan cheese.

Or try it with Polenta:
Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Butter a gratin baking dish (I actually just use a 9 x 13 glass casserole). Take a tube of prepared Polenta (18 oz) and slice it crosswise into slices about 1/4" thick. Arrange the slices in the bottom of the baking dish, overlapping them. Spoon the Bolognese sauce around the slices generously and sprinkle a 1/2 cup of fresh-grated Parmesan cheese. Bake until the sauce is hot and bubbly, about 20 minutes. Served with minced fresh Italian parsley for garnish.

from the Williams-Sonoma Food Made Fast Slow Cooker Recipes book.

Two Surprising Ds

2011-10-02T13:25:00.000-07:00

I had a really great week but up until yesterday still hadn't had an aha moment or two or three to inspire me to write today.

Then, within hours, two sprang up yesterday. Quite literally, actually.

Saturday was a couple hours at the salon getting my color touched up and my hair cut. Good laughs and time to get my OK! and People mag fixes. I'm all caught up on celebrity gossip now!

Then, I forced myself to go to the mall. I LOVE shopping, but I can't stand shopping for bras. Yeah, bras and swimsuits are the two worst. Not fun. But believe me, it was time. When your bras stop doing their job, wires break, well it ain't pretty and it's super uncomfortable. And, as much as I hate to admit it, some of mine are a leeetle too tight in the band now. That's either weight gain, loss of muscle tone or both. So I figured I would do the bra shopping first and then do something fun afterwards, like get some new makeup or perfume to reward myself. And why "waste" freshly-done hair by just going home, right?

Next destination: the lingerie section at Nordstrom in Bellevue Square. OK, I had to first stop in makeup, jewelry and then upstairs to look at cute sweaters. THEN I headed up the escalator and procrastinated some more...browsing around looking at cute sleepwear...then a sales person asked if I needed help. Ummm...yeah, I need new bras I kind of mumbled. She smiled and said no problem and that she'd measure me to make sure I had the right size.

OK, I remember doing this a few years ago. I was super self-conscious about it as that was my first time ever getting fitted, but they are pros. And it's a free service! Alright, are you wondering how they do it? C'mon, you're curious, admit it. Here's what happens: you and your fitter go into a dressing room. You take your top off with your back turned to the fitter and face a non-mirrored wall.  You keep your bra on, and she measures you for your band size. Then she asks if you have a favorite brand. She comes back with a few basic styles just to get an idea of your cup size and you take it from there. She helps you into the bras by standing behind you and holding it for you to slip your arms through. Then she fastens it in the back and you turn around and she helps you get it adjusted and helps decide if it's a good fit or not. So yay, no bare booby moments with the fitter.

So as she was measuring me she said yeah, you're around a 36. Really? That's what I've worn for years and now most of my bras are too snug even in the loosest clasp. She said, well, yes, you might be more around a 38 - we'll try both. OK, that sounds good to me...well, not really that I've gone up a band size but that's reality right now. My favorite brand, by the way? Chantelle. These bras are beautifully made and just really work well on my figure. No, they're not cheap, but they last for years and years. And that day I was on a mission to get t-shirt style bras...those that are just simple and smooth and don't have a lot of lace. Just basics that look nice under sweaters.

As L was heading out of the dressing room to grab a few for me to try, I said oh, these are gonna be C cup, right? She smiled and said, no...D.

I stood there in shock, looking at this petite brunette who was probably all of 30 who had just measured me...and I looked her right in the eye and said are you shittin' me? Good Lord almighty. Normally I can keep my cool but that just popped out of my mouth. L kept her cool, smiled and didn't miss a beat. No, that's your size, she says. And we both laughed a little. Man, I'm sure she hears it all with that kind of job.

Then she left the dressing room. And I had a rather awkward moment with myself. What the hell is it about store dressing rooms...the light is always so unflattering. I sat down in the corner seat and looked across into the mirror...I'm just wearing jeans, black high-heeled boots and my now-too-tight Chantelle bra. My pale skin looks like a plucked chicken in that horrible fluorescent lighting. My lost muscle tone. Rolls and bulges I don't remember seeing before, made worse as I was sitting down in my jeans. UGH IS THIS ME?

And how in the hell am I now a D cup? That just seems...well, BIG. I'd been a 34B for years...forever it seemed. And I could never quite fill out that cup size but I would buy it anyway just 'cause. 'Cause that was my size! Back in college we had a joke club in our sorority: the IBTC. Yep, the itty bitty titty committee. And I was Vice President.  I remember later when I first got professionally fitted and found out I'd morphed into a 36C. And now, up another size yet again.

A few minutes later L came back and I came mentally back to 2011 after that daydream down Bra Memory Lane. I giggled again and said sorry, I'm still trying to process this new info! Anyway, we tried on a few styles and I ended up with 3 I really liked. Not loved, because, well I still was in shock. L was great the entire time...I thanked her so much for her help and said thank you for making a not-so-fun chore a tiny bit fun for me! She really was fantastic.

$235 later I was on my way back down the escalator, headed into the main mall. (Yeah, I told you these bras are not cheap, eesh). I looked down at my shopping bag, new bras all nicely wrapped with tissue. And smiled.

Next it was off to Sephora - I was tempted to get a new mascara but then remembered I have a ton at home. Willpower, yes!

I walked past the Michael Kors store and realized I hadn't been in there in awhile. I really love his stuff and how this store is laid out. An SA approached me and he and I chatted for awhile, admiring shoes and bags (ahh, my favorites!) I wasn't really in the mood to purchase a bag given the $$ I just spent on my new bras, BUT I then suddenly remembered how everyone raves about Michael Kors perfume...and I've never tried it! So I asked R to show me the perfume. I tried a little spritz of it and LOVED it. I have no idea how to describe it but I am in love with it. Amazing.

R was waiting for a cash register so he could ring me up and we just chatted for awhile. He asked what I do for a living and I said I'm consulting at (name of company).  Then I heard a somewhat loud woman's voice behind me:

"I THOUGHT that was you!!"

Do you know that moment when you turn around and see someone you think you recognize but aren't quite sure how to place it? I smiled and looked at the woman. Where do I know her from? Then she jumped in, "...building 110, remember? The cafeteria??" Aha, now I do! Too funny!

Back at my last work engagement, consultants did not get official, assigned workspaces. You could try squatting in empty cubicles but more often than not the routine was to either work at home (which I can't stand) or find a place in the cafeteria that's close to an electrical outlet.  This also was a less than ideal setup - the chairs are not ergonomically correct for sitting for hours, and during the peak lunch hours it gets so noisy it's hard to concentrate. And don't even try to be on a conference call during those times - too much background noise. But I knew that would be the deal going into the gig so I wasn't too surprised when I had to give up my unofficial cubicle.

So I officially met D, my cafeteria colleague. She too has moved to another group on campus, and we had a blast reconnecting, sharing our common memory of the ol' cafeteria. We talked about networking and how important it is, especially in our line of work. She explained, while purchasing an incredible black leather bag, how she is a part of a group of women who meet periodically for professional networking. Sign me up! I handed her one of my Silpada business cards and she said oh...jewelry? We may need to REALLY chat soon now!

R, the SA, was very patient, waiting for D and me to finish our chat as he wrapped up my new perfume. He smiled, hearing us reconnect and all.

Will D and I stay in contact? I sure hope so - I really liked her personality and energy. And in just that short chat we seemed to have a lot in common.

I drove home, smiling. New haircut, new bras and a new colleague connection! That's the funny and cool thing about weekends...you never know what's gonna happen!

Bad Pool Caller and a Makeup Play Date

2011-09-25T19:49:00.000-07:00

I'm really feeling the passion and energy from this new job now even more! The team is one of the most collaborative I have worked with in years, and I've just turned that mental corner where you "click" and REALLY jump into another layer of understanding of just what exactly we're going to do and when we want to get everything finished. This is a natural part of my ramp-up with new a consulting gig...I KNOW there's a ton of stuff to do but don't know the subject matter indepth...yet.

So I came home on Friday after a mentally fulfilling and yet exhausting week too. I was ready to relax, heat up some leftover pasta and just veg. But first, as I always do when I get home, I went upstairs to check email here in the home office. Rather than seeing my usual, soothing aquarium-themed screen saver, I saw IT. The loathed, despised...BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH!

Duhn duhn duhnnnnnnnnnnn....or maybe wahn wahn wahnnnnn sad trombone sound. Pick your dramatic music of choice.

Thankfully I haven't seen a BSOD in years. I looked closer at this new screen booger, skimmed over a bunch of gobbledeegook and then this jumped out at me: Bad Pool Caller.

Now, I appreciate technology and all even though I'm no coding expert. A bad pool caller? Sounds like a crappy judge in a swim or dive meet.   Flashbacks to our neighborhood pool when I was a kid - all those swimming and diving competitions.

So, after restarting the laptop and praying it boots up alright (whew, it does), I go online and search on this strange error. Turns out there's a ton of stuff out there about it. What's true and what's not? Well, the windowstalk blog seems to sum it up pretty well in plain English: "The 'bad pool caller' error is shown when Windows is not able to access the data-pool that it requires to run. The data pool is the technical term used to describe all the settings and options that your computer may require whenever it’s running, and as you may have guessed, it’s constantly being 'called' to help your computer run as smoothly as possible. Unfortunately, there are many occasions where Windows will try and call a setting from the data pool, only to have it show an error."

What's one of the recommended fixes? Try using a registry cleaner. Hmmm...for years I did use one. I don't remember how I stumbled upon it, but I ran it every few days or so, it would call out errors and fix them and I'd pay my $30 subscription fee every year. And never had any problems or issues with it nor with this laptop in general come to think of it.

But a couple of months ago I got hit with a bad computer virus, which took over 4 hours of phone time with Dell to troubleshoot and clean. Viruses suck. And there's no way to tell when or how your computer got infected. I learned that viruses can lie dormant for long periods of time and then suddenly spring to life. Hell, when you're on the phone with a tech all those hours you might as well ask and learn.

Part of that troubleshooting was to remove any sort of accessory type thingy. The tech was convinced my registry cleaner, among other things, was no good so I agreed to have him removed it (over the phone remote connectivity stuff is pretty cool). We removed pretty much everything...he even was convinced my Google Desktop search agent had been downloaded from an unauthorized source. So I felt like I was getting a mega computer antibiotic that cleared out the good stuff as well as the bad. Bottom line, no more virus.

And (but?) now, this blue screen. Anyway I poked around and found a different registry cleaner to try. And it seems to have good reviews. Do I dare dive into this again?

I signed up with it for a year. A tad reluctant, but also a little relieved that this might just be one way to bandaid any problems with this ancient laptop before I pull the trigger on a new one. Why reluctant? Yeah, well, earlier this year I had to cancel my debit card because I thought it might have been compromised online. Better safe than sorry, so I got a new one issued. I used a credit card I hardly ever use for this new registry cleaning program, so if for some reason it's a problem they don't have my bank account number.

So, after a few 'cleans,' no more blue screens and we *seem* to be alright. Dodged a boulder...maybe.

I also got some great girl-time in this weekend too...nothing is both more energizing and relaxing to me all at the same time. Love it. L and I went on a long-overdue walk around our neighborhood to reconnect yesterday. I'm feeling a little sore today too which is a good sign! And I drove down to S's place this afternoon for a mini spa and facial party.

Most of you who tune in here regularly probably know I'm a makeup junkie. I have zero brand loyalty...I do have my favorites but will try just about anything meanwhile.

At S's party we had fun playing around with a product line she represents - Artistry. It's part of Amway Global. Yes, Amway Global! Surprised they have a makeup line? Don't be...and it's top notch stuff. We had fun pampering ourselves with some cleansing and exfoliating products, hot towels and all. Sipping on wine and enjoying fabulous munchies meanwhile.

After we did our mini facials we played with makeup and got matched for our colors in foundations and tinted moisturizers. WOW, I'm very impressed with the foundation S recommended for me and can't wait to get it! I've tried just about every brand out there over 30+ years and this one really did a great job evening out my ruddiness and giving good overall coverage without being too cakey or grippy. Even now it still looks fresh after a few hours...with no primer underneath (I swear by primer, always). Nice. I also love how it comes in a pump-style dispenser...much more sanitary than a jar and lid.

I also fell in love with the light-up lip gloss.  This is stuff of genius...a lipgloss that has a small mirror on one side of the tube, and tiny lights that light up at the base of the wand when you pull it out. So, you can easily touch up your lips and do the good ol' teeth check in the tiny mirror...love it!

Rounding out my mini-haul today...a green tea-scented lotion and body wash (two huge containers for just $15 total? Unreal.) and a liquid facial cleanser I tried out today. While I'm picky about skincare, I am open to trying just about anything that is not too drying and not overly-scented. This cleanser has a very light outdoorsy and citrusy scent...so subtle it's hard to pin down...perfect in my book.

Four great products for $95 including shipping and tax? Oh yeahhhh...

And we're going on almost 72 hours here with no BSOD. Yep it's a great weekend alright.

And Now We are Two...and Where was Summer?

2011-09-18T13:03:00.000-07:00

I just realized the ol' fivenineteen here turned two back on the 14th! Wow! I made a much bigger deal about the first birthday last year. This year, sadly, I didn't even realize I missed it till the 15th. Oops!

But OK, OK, no biggy. I guess that's a good sign that this blog is pretty much a given, essential part of my lifestyle. At least for now. What started out as me sitting here, unemployed and bored, with a "no idea what's going to happen...and I like that" opening post of sorts in 2009 has sprouted into over 130 weekly musings/ramblings. Thank you all who tune in here regularly and those who stumble in by accident. They always say, oh, when you start a blog you should have a theme. I said hell with that and just plunged right in. So, here we are - pretty dang eclectic!

I slept in until (gulp) 11am this morning. That's even late for me. Ugh, I've been in a sort of half-fog tired state this past week. We've got some bad colds going around the office and I am trying HARD not to catch anything. Guess it's the change in the weather and kids going back to school. New germs everywhere. OK, so if sleep is the best medicine for me, then we'll go with it.

Yep...change in weather from crappy summer to early fall. Just like that - my furnace has been kicking on in the morning recently, and my usual routine of opening the windows for fresh air here upstairs every day first thing is going to get shelved pretty soon. A little chilly! And where are my slippers?

This "summer" reminds me a little of I think it was...errr...2008. That summer was also pretty much a bust save for a week or two. That was the also the year we had snow in mid April and everything was all weird and freaky.

So while I do like the fall season, it's just hard to welcome it when summer wasn't much different save for a couple of weeks in August. And this past week was glorious too. I'm glad I was out on the coast for the 4th of July weekend, as it was beautiful and sunny out there while I hear it was all rainy and cold here at home! Wow.

And I think about projects and stuff in the works...our townhouse complex is going to replace our garage doors with new, insultated ones. Our living rooms are each right over our garages and we think - hope - we can save on our power bills by doing this. Too funny how I am all excited about this - woohooo...new garage doors!

I'm also in the market for a new laptop. This one is 5 years old and really showing its age. It needs more RAM but I am not even sure it's worth investing more money into it.  Don't laugh but I'm still on Windows XP and Office 2003 on this laptop, so it's a Time Warp every time I shut down my work laptop and get home here to this one. Back in the day this thing was super duper, and now it's just meh. And it's running slow and not 100% reliable. I thought it might be due to a virus or spyware (had a BIG virus epi back in July - yuck) so I ran some scanning programs and found just a few things. But still, this puppy is slow.

I've also agreed to take on some additional consulting work for my friend/colleague A who launched a business. I did some part time pro bono work for him when I was unemployed the first part of 2010 - just 5-10 hours a week. Fast forward a year and change and he actually landed some business with a local power company here, and it's been small enough to where he is just doing the work himself instead of hiring someone. BUT, funny how life twists, he got hired on with another company and has to move cross country. Next month! So he needs someone to finish up the work, which can mostly be done outside of working hours. He says it's 5-10 hours a month at the most and will wrap up at the end of December. Am I insane to say yes?  'Cause I did. The hourly pay rate is extremely appealing and the work is no conflict of interest with what I'm currently doing.

This will be good discipline for me to keep saving money, as it's 1099-type work so I will need to sort out the tax stuff next year. But a little extra cashola is fine by me - I have a lot of rebuilding still to do for being out of work so long.

What does Fall also mean? Hockey season! And it starts tonight with an exhibition game.  I have not skated since June so this is going to be hysterical.

Welcome, Fall!

Remembering

2011-09-11T12:30:00.000-07:00

For the first 34 years of my life, September 11th was just any old ho-hum day. No family birthdays, no wedding anniversaries, nothing real significant in my world...it was just a day that wove into the typical back-to-school or back-to-work-in-earnest-because-the-Labor-Day-holiday-is-done kind of rhythms.

It was simply just A Day. Now for ten years and forever it will be a Day Everyone Knows. A huge wound trying to slowly heal itself and rebuild but forever scarred no matter how we try to think otherwise.

I'm stunned that today is the 10-year anniversary of the terrorist attacks.  It is a beautiful, clear morning here - just like it was that morning in New York City. I've been kind of weirdly looking forward to this day only to just get through it if that makes sense...a sort of 'self duty' I have to write about it, and even moreso that my typical Sunday Blog Day falls on the anniversary.

So here I am, swirled in memories not only of that horrible day but the 2001 I knew prior. Some memories are a little fuzzy - maybe by design as my mind moved through the decade and replaced them with others, but I could pretty much sum it up into one word: INNOCENT.

My God, how innocent and quaint the world was prior...at least in my own little world. Remember when you were a kid (maybe you do) when you could just go to the airport with your family, sit in a terminal and just watch planes take off and land for fun? When I was getting ready to fly to Florida in 1997 to catch a cruise to the Caribbean...and I forgot I had a huge pair of scissors from my office in my purse (no idea why)? And the security agent looked at them but let me put them back in my purse before boarding the plane? Dear Lord how things have changed!

Early 2001 started for me out of the country...in Vancouver, BC. OK, OK, I remember now. See, for those of us who worked in IT-related fields over Y2K, that New Years was spent working pretty much the entire day and into the wee hours. No vacations or partying allowed. I toasted 2000 with a bunch of co-workers and a carload of lasagnes we picked up from Olive Garden earlier that evening, washed down with a little sparkling cider.

So. The calendar flip from 2000 to 2001 meant Time to Party, making up for the working New Years prior. I started dating a guy, D, around summer of 2000. He and I met during a huge technology deployment project and while I was not fond in theory of dating co-workers, this project was so huge and he and I really didn't cross paths too much. We didn't even work in the same building or same department. So we kept it discreet, people knew, but didn't give us a hard time about it - well, not terribly hard. In a word, it worked because we kept things professional. And wow, we were really in love.

We got pretty ripped that night in Vancouver, enjoying dinner and doing a couple of bar hops around Robson street. Cabs were working hard that night! And New Years Day was sunny and glorious...we took the tram up Grouse Mountain not to ski, but to just walk in the snow and enjoy the beautiful view looking back down on the city.  Gorgeous.

I remember the random Monoliths that a group in Seattle had planted around the city...a funny prank. I remember the Mardi Gras riot in Pioneer Square...and the 6.8 earthquake we suffered the very next morning. UGH what a horrible 48 hours for us.

Probably my favorite memory of 2001 was the two weeks I traveled through Hungary, Croatia, Slovenia and Italy. Ah, the time one could take a (PAID) two-week vacation...that DOES seem innocent. I traveled with a group from my church - we were touring to share our music! We had a choir and a handbell group...I'd been in the handbell group for many years and was so thrilled to take this trip. If you haven't traveled yet with a group of 70 people and lots of equipment, I highly recommend it. It can be grueling at times, but the bonding and friendships last forever.

We got back in the states in mid July. Ah yes, that's right! We celebrated the 4th of July that year at a pub in Varazdin, Croatia. A little surreal being out of the country on that holiday, in a place where people have no reason to care that it's July 4th. When I got back home, other than fighting off the jet lag I was wondering if I would have a job to come back to...our company was re-organizing and there were a lot of uncertainties and rumors flying around.

I ended up moving to a different department on our team and immersed myself back into the swing. I was not particularly looking forward to having direct reports again, but the group was well established and in good standing so there was nothing majorly broken. Or maybe that's the fuzzy part of my memories.

D and I had been going through some struggles in our relationship. We'd been together about a year by now. He'd been working a lot and we were just, well, struggling. He'd always given me a hard time on whether I truly didn't want to have kids or not. He was ten years older than I with an 11 year old daughter and made it perfectly clear he did not want any more kids. So clear that he took the steps to ensure that if you know what I mean. I was 34 and knew deep down I didn't want to have kids, even though a teeny part of me was still kind of wondering...what if I really did? I think he sensed that...he kept bringing it up ALL the time and we'd argue. Looking back on it now, I think he was worried that if we were to be together long-term, well, if I changed my mind down the road then I would resent him? And then leave? I guess in a twisted way he wanted to make sure I was happy. But I wasn't in how he handled it. I was kept arms distance from his daughter too - I rarely got to see her...I wanted to get to know her because she was well, his family and part of him. Wow, I haven't thought about that in a long time...hence my ramble.

And oh that first part of September...I remember driving him to jail. Yes, jail. Now more is flooding back. Earlier in the spring he'd been out drinking with a buddy of his and swerved getting off a freeway exit ramp - and got pulled over. And failed sobriety tests. I remember the night he told me what happened and I just fell to the floor emotionally, but immediately gave him a hug. What the hell already?

Now, if you have to drive your boyfriend to serve two days in jail, be glad it's a small county jail in a very rural part of the state (rather than downtown). That's where he had his little, uhhhh, incident. The whole thing was so surreal...and those were two of the longest days of my life. He couldn't have any phone or email contact with me, obviously. I had to call the jail two days later to confirm he was going to be released so I could make the hour and a half drive north to come get him. SURREAL.

Somewhere in all this mess we agreed to just stay together 24/7 and try to work things out. Plus he had a suspended driver's license so yours truly was the chauffeur.

Lots of those days after bringing him home from jail are a little blurry, but one night I will never forget. We were watching TV...Larry King Live. One of the last news stories was about an old Air Force One 707 that was being retired. Seriously...it was a total snoozer of a story and we both looked at eachother and said WOW, they're really must not be a lot of news going on right now! We even went to sleep that night giggling about it.

That night? Monday September 10th.

The next morning my alarm went off around 6:30am or so. I had it set to my favorite radio station at the time but I remember immediately shutting it off and getting in the shower. D was still fast asleep.

After my shower I turned on the radio again. The first words I hear are the DJ saying "...yes, yes, we're getting your phone calls. We know one of the World Trade Center towers has just collapsed."  I thought I was completely losing my mind.

I ran down the hall and turned on CNN. That was the very first thing I saw on TV...one of the towers was gone and the other was on fire. And I had no fucking clue why. I screamed for D to get in here right now! We were both so sleepy still and couldn't believe it. We just sat on my living room couch, dumbfounded. THEN we saw the replay of the 2nd plane hitting a tower and we just gasped.

For all the thousands of times everyone has seen that horrific moment, I don't think any of us will forget when we saw it first. And keep in mind here on the west coast we are three hours behind, so a lot had already happened that we simply didn't know about, except for the real early-risers.

Then we learned the planes were hijacked. My stomach dropped. One of my brothers was a flight attendant with American, based at La Guardia at the time. Could not reach him. I had two cousins in college at Columbia...was everyone OK??

The TV was focused on the one remaining tower. I'm pretty sure the whole world was by now too. And then, in seconds, it collapsed. That was the only thing D and I saw live on TV. I remember feeling like I was going to throw up. What does this mean? Who would do this? All those people still in the towers...how many thousands and thousands are there? In the streets? In those planes? Are we going to be attacked next?

My mind raced and whirred. The Pentagon was attacked too...and there was a plane crash in Pennsylvania (which we we learned later was Flight 93, probably intended for the White House). I remember calling my folks and my Mom answered the phone. I said "are you watching TV??" She said yes...and I sort of yelled "OMG, where is M?" (my brother). She didn't know. And my Dad was up in rural BC on a fishing trip...

Somehow D and I drove into work, in a daze. Everyone at work was either zoned out, panicked trying to locate family members or crowded around the TVs in our lobby. I don't think much got done that day. I remember just trying to infuse some sense of normal routine into a day that was anything but. We sat at our computers but mostly surfed news channels, tried to track down our family and friends, tell people we loved them.

After the shock there was fear. D and I spent that night of the 11th at his house. I didn't sleep well for several nights. I was panicked, worried that there would be more attacks in other cities. Thank God my brother was off that day and home in New Jersey, by the way. Waiting to find that out seemed like eternity.

I did some journaling in the days following. And I wish I knew where that writing is...it is probably on an old computer I don't have any more. Too bad, for the writing there is a lot more raw. Funny how a decade smooths our raw edges out.

I remember speaking with my friend J...and you know what immediately popped into each of our heads about that day (along with so many other thoughts)? She and I went on a Caribbean cruise in the spring of 2000. We'd flown to Newark on a red eye before catching a connecting flight to Ft. Lauderdale. I remember arriving with her in Newark, bleary after an all night flight and walking to our connecting gate. There, out the window was a beautiful sunrise...and the Twin Towers glowing as we looked across the river. How I regret I never had an opportunity to visit the WTC. And I'll never, ever forget that image in my mind of them.

The rest of 2001 played itself out grimly...what started out as a great year save for an earthquake plunged me into sadness. What was the world going to be like NOW? Will we ever find time for humor, laughter? There sure wasn't much to smile about.

The year fizzled out horribly. My grandmother passed away that November after a long battle with Alzheimer's, just two days prior to my Mom's 60th birthday.

And D and me? Well, we gave it a go for awhile but we couldn't get through many hurdles in that relationship. I broke up with him...New Years Eve to be exact. A year prior we were celebrating in Vancouver. And now, too many walls up. We were sitting on the couch, supposed to go out for dinner, but we knew it was ending and that that dinner would never happen.

It didn't. He left and I sat again on the couch, sad and in shock. Just like when he and I watched the 9/11 footage in horror together. So while our relationship didn't work out, he is seered in my mind forever, mostly for that reason. They say you'll never forget where you were or what you were doing if you were old enough.

So when people ask me where I was, I start off with this: "I was in my apartment at the time with my boyfriend at the time..."

10 years. Wow. Blessings to all who lost loved ones that day.

The DVR and the Labradorite

2011-09-04T15:39:00.000-07:00

I'm in one of those moods where I am feeling both a little anxious and yet blissfully, almost gluttonously relaxed. Here we are on a long Labor Day weekend and it is absolutely beyond gorgeous outside. It's sunny and the air is thick and hot with hardly any breeze. Not a humid thick, though. It's that warm, gentle reminder that Fall is right around the corner. And even in the heat the shadows are a tad long as we're well past the Solstice. So I don't dare bitch at all about the heat. After all, this summer was a total bust save for maybe one week in August. In the Pacific Northwest we appreciate and savor our sunny days, for we know the clouds and drizzle are just a few months away. We pay a price for it being so green here.

I grasp hard at August, kicking and screaming as she wraps up. There's something about those last few days before September kicks in that make me feel a little whiney and cranky. I don't WANT it to be September! Maybe it's that deeply ingrained childhood memory of the end of summer vacation. Yuck, I didn't WANT to go back to school. But of course once I did it was great...mostly.

So it's a staycation holiday weekend for me...no worries there. Just getting totally random things done and also, just relaxing. I decided to get into the 21st century even more for real and switched my landline over to my Comcast internet and cable package. I found out I could bundle my phone service in with my cable and internet and pay less than I was paying for my current Comcast services (huh? wow) AND save the $55 a month I was paying for my old school landline. AND keep my same landline number. AND get a DVR for my TV. What's not to love about this? I weighed the pros and cons...when the power's out or when Comcast is down I'll be screwed but then again, how often does that happen?  I have a super old school curly cord phone in my bedroom with the ringer turned off - I have it for emergencies and have two other cordless phones here in the townhouse. When we had a two-week power outage back in late 2006 that old school landline saved me. Cell phone towers were knocked out and we were pretty much brought to our knees, crippled with minimal if any communication. I've been reluctant to cut the cord on my landline because of that, but then remember that that was a freak once-in-a-lifetime storm.

So yesterday two Comcast dudes show up and within an hour, voila. I have a new, higher speed modem for my internet (which now hosts my landline phones too) AND a DVR for my TV. Don't laugh...I still haven't converted to a flat screen TV yet. I will. My old curly cord phone is now as useful as last week's newspaper so away she goes.

They explained how the initial upload and refresh of the TV channels can take awhile which seemed reasonable to me.  They showed me how to set up my voicemail for my new landline service - all good.  I was very impressed with how helpful they both were. And they even showed up a little earlier than my appointment timeframe. Nice!

Guess it was too good to be true. I waited a little while before playing around with the TV.  When I did, my remote was pretty much useless. Did the batteries die? Nope. I could adjust the TV volume and mute the sound with it, but could not change channels nor get to the channel lineup guide. Stuck! God, help me...my TV's stuck on the E! channel and just my luck it's a Keeping up with the Kardashians marathon.  I can only stomach that scripted reality TV crap (krap?) for a few minutes at a time.

So Comcast rebooted my TV and cable box remotely. All's well...or was. Within an hour it froze up again...and Comcast had to reboot it remotely for the second time. After that everything was fine for the rest of the evening.  As I was heading to bed I realized I'd forgotten to try the DVR out but I figured I would do that today.

I woke up this morning and decided to play around with the TV more before heading out to meet my good friend J for brunch. UGH. This time the TV turned on just fine...and then 5 minutes later the cable box rebooted...on its own. It's possessed or something. HELP!

Comcast is sending out a crew to swap out my cable box this afternoon. I was pleasantly shocked that they could do a same-day service, especially here on a Sunday, but I'll take it. It's the least they can do to make this right.

And yet, it's just TV. Sure I want it working right as it should, but I'm not going to get overly upset about it. Now if it was Stanley Cup Finals or something that would be a different story. Just trying to keep perspective...

...meaning it was a tough week these past few days. My Dad's cousin J passed away suddenly from a heart attack. The next day my co-worker L's Dad passed away after a long battle with Parkinson's and dementia. And the day after that my friend T was hit on her morning commute into work...her car got rear-ended on the freeway by someone who wasn't paying attention and she's still feeling the after effects, though thankfully not severely injured.

I was talking about this with J this morning over lots of coffee and a nice bacon and cheese omelette. Yum, I may not even need dinner I'm so full. She agrees, yes, it's all about perspective. Sometimes it's hard to find that discipline within. I guess it's ongoing Life Work.

We walked around the shops near where we had brunch...wonderful little boutiquey specialty stores full of everything from art to home accessories (my weakness) and crafts like rubber stamping and beading. No patience here for either of those but it's fun to look.

And we ended up in a fantastic shop we both love to visit. It has tons of candles and aromatherapy things (oils, humidifiers)...and lots of stones and crystals. I LOVE the chunk of Celestite I purchased there nearly a couple of years ago - it's right next to me here by the good ol' laptop.

Once again, something pretty much leaped off the shelf into my arms. Labradorite. The picture in my post here is of a polished sphere...my chunk is, well, wonderfully imperfect...half of it is polished and the other is rough. Deliciously asymmetrical and hunky. I love the greens and greys. I asked the woman in the store to tell me a little about it. "It's a magic stone," she explained. She pulled out a huge, well-worn book and turned to the page. "Helps one remain calm within chaos." Ahhhh, sounds good to me. Here's more .

So my new Labradorite holds a tea light or votive too. Love it. And the woman who works there is so nice...she is very gentle, knowlegeable and grandmotherly and reminds me a little of a therapist I used to see about 10 years ago.

I'm not yet sure where to put this new beauty, but I think I'll keep it near the TV and DVR for now.

After all, it couldn't hurt.

Cotton Ball 5K

2011-08-28T13:27:00.000-07:00

Whew! The 3rd time IS a charm. After being too tired or too rained out for two other 5Ks this spring/summer, I finally got one under my belt this year!

OK, yeah...I didn't RUN it, but it still counts right?

This was my second time volunteering in the annual Alki Beach 5K Walk & Run, which benefits Northwest Hope and Healing. Northwest Hope and Healing is a non-profit organization which provides emergency financial assistance for women who are undergoing breast cancer treatment at Swedish Medical Center in Seattle. Assistance with basic living expenses like rent, childcare and groceries.

And wow that was a lot of hyperlinking in that last paragraph. But really good stuff - please check it out.

So, how do you volunteer at a 5K? Well, the way I did today was one of the easiest jobs ever - walk the course at the very end, to help let the police and others know that they could start re-opening the roads again. That's it!

There are a ton of both new and old memories woven into this event...starting with the neighborhood. Alki Beach is in West Seattle, and there's a ton of family history here on my Dad's side of the family. My grandfather grew up in West Seattle in the 1920s. He and my grandmother later raised my Dad and Uncle in this same neighborhood. I have enormously fond memories as a kid of the long drive from my house growing up in the suburbs over to West Seattle for Sunday dinner at Grandma and Grandpa's house. Countless, joyful times.

And the newer memories are from my dear friend P, who inspired me to start training to run 5Ks a couple of years ago. She and I used to work together and I'm so glad we still keep in touch despite super busy schedules. P's both run and volunteered in this 5K before, and I was so happy she asked me to join her again this year.

What can I say...this just FEELS good all around. And it's a nice change of pace getting out of the suburbs and into a wonderful, older neighborhood in the city, right on the salt water of Puget Sound.

OK, getting up super early on a Sunday morning is not my favorite thing to do, but once I got up, got dressed and on my way to meet P for our carpool, I was smiling. P showed up with S, an exchange student from Japan who is staying with a friend of P's while attending college here. S was a good sport - I wasn't sure if she knew entirely what this event was going to be all about but I admired her spunk and enthusiasm. And her English was pretty good too! Far better than my Japanese for sure, ha.

We arrived at Alki Beach around 8am. Damn, that fog was thick but thankfully it was not as chilly as it was last year. I remember borrowing knit running gloves from P at the last minute! And also having to put our t-shirts on over our jackets! This year it was not cold, but that fog didn't burn of AT ALL.

Yep, that's Yours Truly in this week's picture - that's a fivenineteen first, everyone. Had it not been so foggy there would have been a spectacular view of the Seattle skyline behind me. Believe me. P and I were so bummed because we really wanted S (the exchange student) to experience the view. But the darn fog never burned off.

The one challenging thing about walking at the tail end of a 5K is, well, keeping your pace just right. You don't want to 'hover' too close behind the last group of walkers. And, you want to make sure you start walking truly after everyone else has started. With about 1200 people participating we had to wait several minutes before we could take to the street and start.

This race goes up and down Alki Avenue - a very flat, fast course. At the halfway point the course does a 180 turn and heads back down the street, finishing at the same place we started. Even though I was walking at a very slow pace with P and S, I was looking forward to a quick gulp of water at the water stop. NOPE. No water stop at the turn around point this year! If I had been running this race I would have been extremely pissed. Yikes.

Other than a few late stragglers we had to corral (how in the hell do you show up over one hour late for a 5K? Baffling.) the three of us had a very nice, relaxing stroll. And we even finished in around 1 hour 15 minutes. MUCH faster than last year. Feels kinda cool walking over the finishing line and hearing the emcee announce, "...and our last walkers have just crossed the finish line...". Meanwhile we didn't even break a sweat.

So although the fog kept its iron-clad grip on the neighborhood (hence my 'cotton ball' post title today), we had a wonderful morning volunteering.

And on the drive back to the suburbs? Glorious sunshine. Even Mount Baker was out. Too funny how socked in Alki was.

Now it's time for a nap. Until next week, everyone!

Sunshine, Iced Coffee, Billionaires and Pedicures

2011-08-21T11:52:00.000-07:00

Finally. Sweet, glorious summer. REAL summer.

Excuse my 5th generation Seattle bias, but when the sun shines here, there's nowhere on Earth more beautiful. I snapped this picture with my phone killing time before my pedicure yesterday. One of those blissfully indulgent Saturdays where that was the only thing on my to-do list. Rough life, right?

And look at that view. This is the marina at Carillon Point in Kirkland, WA, just about a 10 minute drive from my house. It was a postcard-perfect day...and while it's hard to see in the picture, you can barely see the outline of the Olympic Mountains along the horizon toward the right. If it was a little less hazy they would have been out and proud, sprinkled in snow. That's Lake Washington, looking west toward Seattle. All glisten-y.

My pedicure was not until 4pm so I had about an hour to walk around and drink in the sun and the view. Carillon Point is a wonderful collection of shops and restaurants along the marina, and there's a very nice hotel and spa too. I grabbed an iced coffee at the Starbucks and just let myself mentally unwind. And remember.

This place is so deeply steeped in memories. How many hairstyles did I go through over the 10 years the hair salon was here?  I remember my brother and sister-in-law's rehearsal dinner in 1997, in a gorgeous room with a view just like that picture. And I was chosen to participate in a Neiman Marcus focus group here a few years ago - a bunch of us met in a conference room in one of the office buildings.

I walked out onto the dock as far as I could, looking out over the water, feeling the warm breeze wash over me. Huge boats. This is where I had a first kiss with my then-boyfriend in 2000. Wow...ten years ago! I thought back on all of that, my mind floating, then suddenly heard a large whooping and cheering back on the marina steps. What was it? Oh, there was a wedding going on too - this place is hugely popular for that!

Later I strolled back to the marina steps and watched kayackers paddling along. For all gorgeous the weather was, the lake was pretty choppy. I giggled to myself, remembering probably one of the most original first dates I've ever been on. This was around 2005ish I think. I met D online and after some emailing and talking on the phone he asked me to dinner.  But no meeting at the restaurant for us, oh no no no...we met at a boat launch ramp where he was waiting with two kayaks. Yep, we kayaked to Carillon Point, tied up along the dock right near the Beach Cafe and had dinner! Oh, and paddled back too, with a gorgeous sunset behind the mountains as backdrop. It was kind of fun making an entrance to the restaurant via the water. Looking back on it, was I crazy? I mean, a first date...on the water? If I'd been the least bit worried he could have been psycho, meaning that I could have ended up at the bottom of the lake, I wouldn't have agreed to it of course. My gut was right - and he and I did go on a few more dates after that. Nice guy, but the chemistry wasn't quite clicking for us. But I gotta hand it to him for being a perfect gentleman and very funny. And creative!

So I headed into the spa, dizzy with memories and sunshine. This was my second pedicure with S in about two months and I think I will stick with her. That's pretty huge in my book because I probably get pedicures two or three times a year at the most. Not really a priority for me, or I just do my toes myself. But S is amazing. She is absolutely meticulous with her work and it shows. No complaints here. A 90 minute pedicure? Ahhh. Who knew there was topcoat with UV protection in it?

S has a whimsical sense of humor - she just cracks me up. And we can talk hockey too - she's from Vancouver originally (go Canucks!).  Too funny how I sit here trying to remember some things we talked and laughed about.  My mind is blank, but trust me, we were giggling the entire time.

Oh wait, I do remember one thing. We were talking about travel and I remembered oh yeah, I've got to get my passport renewed. She said oh yes, you better get right on that! Why? She is convinced I'm going to fall in love with and marry a handsome, Swedish billionaire.  Named Sven. And a girl's gotta have a passport ready for those spur of the moment trips!

Ummm, I'm OK with this.  Really and truly.

Holy Cow, am I Eating Again??

2011-08-14T14:02:00.000-07:00

Again? Already thinking about what to cook for dinner tonight? After last night's Seafood Fest?

I have that wonderful post-bloat feeling of fantastic food at a fantastic party. And I feel relieved that I don't have to wear anything snug today. Just another lazy Sunday, where the only thing on tap is making a run to Goodwill, read and pick up a few things for dinner. No hockey tonight. Summer season wrapped up with a disappointing shootout loss in our playoff game. I had a major Silpada jewelry event that same night which trumped hockey (rare, because hockey is usually on Sunday nights), so I found out about the loss through my teammates. Bummer. Is it October yet??

Yes, Goodwill. A purge here in the ol' townhouse is very, very overdue. Sometimes I struggle getting going on a home project. I get overwhelmed and then end up procrastinating, doing nothing. I look at the clutter building up here in the home office. And the guest bedroom which is still crowned the Room of Crap and Good Luck Getting to the Ironing Board. Hmmmm. This is NOT OK!!

So what do I do? I play a mental game with myself, and break down an overwhelming task into smaller pieces.  Every time I need to go downstairs to the main living room/kitchen level here, I make myself take at least one thing out of the home office or the guest room that needs to go. And I start a pile downstairs near the dining room. Repeat as needed!

Voila - in about 24 hours I had a couple large garbage bags full of old computer shit, knick knacks, books, jewelry, shoes and clothes that are ready for Goodwill! The cute, stuffed polar bear I won at the Puyallup Fair a couple years ago doing Skeeball?  Sorry, dude, you'll make a kid happy in your next home. Remember the Left Behind book series from the 1990s? I'd purchased the entire set over time and never cracked open a single one of them, despite numerous raves from many of my friends - even my grandfather. Le Sigh. If I haven't read them after 15 years sitting in my bookcase then it's time for someone else to.  Also in the "outta here" pile: a set of 4 glass beer mugs I maybe used once in 20 years. THAT feels good. I looked at the hodge podge of a dozen mismatched wine glasses currently on the floor in the guest room and considered getting rid of them too but I decided to keep them. THOSE are good to have for larger parties. I just need to box them up and get them out of the guest room!

Larger parties...what a segue. I've been looking forward to my new consulting firm's annual Seafood Fest. The staff has been buzzing about it ever since I joined the group in July, and I'm sure they've been in planning mode far earlier than that. "Are you coming?"  "Can you make it?" "Can't wait to see you there!"  I probably heard this every time I sent in a timesheet or collected my pay stub. The energy was contagious!

And the party was amazing, just as I expected. Our CEO hosted it in her home as she does every year, and just about everything on the menu was made by her and her team from scratch. Right down to the homemade ice cream, her signature dessert! Her home is fantastic for entertaining. She has a front yard with enough room for a large table and chairs plus a couple of grills and a drink stand, a large kitchen and great room on the main level inside, and a huge back deck with room for multiple round tables, mingling and the incredible view looking west toward Puget Sound and across the water to the Kitsap Peninsula (and I think some of Whidbey Island too).

I soaked in the view with a nice glass of Sauvignon Blanc and enjoyed meeting other fellow consultants and chatting with our CEO, T, and her team! What a great team. This really didn't feel like a work-related party...it felt like family. Really and truly. T LOVES to entertain...and it shows. Party for 80 guests? No problem, right?

Seafood fest knocked it out of the park. I'm kicking myself for not getting any pictures of the food with my phone but it was unbelievable. This year the theme was Caribbean, so we had jerk chicken and beef on the grill, blackened halibut (our CEO caught the halibut herself off of Vancouver Island earlier this year - she had the video of it playing in the living room!), rice and bean side dishes, salads with papayas and mangoes, chips and wonderful salsas, and even a couple of pizzas! Dessert was a choice of pineapple or lime-flavored cupcakes, and two kinds of homemade ice cream - pineapple and vanilla with a little cinnamon. Simply incredible.

And the weather turned out decent too - it was a little cloudy during the day but thankfully burned off later in the evening. This summer really hasn't been a summer, so I was happily relieved we had a warm evening last night!

Great people and great food. There simply is no better combination out there. And so many reasons to celebrate!

Now it's time to get started on dinner. While I might not be super hungry after all that wonderful food last night, it DID inspire me to keep honing my cooking skills. I'm pretty good at it, I must say! Practice, practice, practice.

Tonight it's another dish from the Primal Blueprint Cookbook I've posted about a few times before. Chicken and fennel stew with, onions, garlic in a broth of beer and coconut milk, garnished with fresh parsley.  Can't wait!

...and the Junkie got Another Fix

2011-08-07T12:58:00.000-07:00

Time for some FUN! There's been a lot of subconscious fun craving lurking inside me...through the job change over the past couple months, the preparation, stress, networking, the car repair a couple of weeks ago..."known unknowns," as our instructor called them in a project management certification prep course a few years ago. You know things are gonna happen, but you don't know exactly how they're all gonna unfold. What's the craving? Busting out the joy, fun and free spirit that is so part of me but tends to get shoved and squashed when life stress comes to the party.

And anyway, I haven't done any makeup-related posts in here in probably over a year. Oh, that's right. I did a few around May 2010 ("My Favorite Things").  And I remember exactly why. I was so fucking pissed that my job start date was delayed over three weeks by stupid, basic, transactional paperwork functions that SOMEbody wasn't doing. Waiting and waiting after my unemployment had run out and was turning down other interviews. So I did those posts with a sea of anger whooshing through me. Check the May 2010 archives if you are curious. I did them to kill time and keep me from going homicidal. Kidding...sort of.

Let's lighten up now, shall we? This post is about nothing but FUN. Well, makeup is always a joy to me, but this post oozes celebration down to its toes.

I've been wearing makeup over 30 years and have tried just about everything out there. And I have zero brand loyalty. When my favorite Lancome (liquid) foundation was discontinued after 15+ years, well, I had to try a bunch of others before I found a few new favorites. Favorites plural, not singular. And they're not Lancome, although the Definicils and Hypnose mascaras are out of this world.

Speaking of favorites, know this: no one brand can kick ass in everything. My opinion, of course.

I treated myself to a few goodies recently - woohoo!  So let's take a look, starting from the top row, right to left. (Sorry in advance - I don't know how to upload multiple pics in a post here for some reason).

Mascara!  Good grief I usually have about 8 or 10 in rotation at any given time. Department store, drugstore - doesn't matter. There are great ones out there in just about any price range. And you don't need to spend $30+ on a mascara. The more expensive ones aren't going to last much longer than drugstore ones typically.

So here we go, left to right, top row:
MAC Zoomlash in Plum Reserve - most of MAC's mascaras are great. One thing I love is the price point - they run around $14 - $19, so about half the price of other department store lines. I usually use Zoomlash in black, but this plum shade caught my eye online and I had to give it a try. It's nice but doesn't have enough purple punch to wear on its own. Anyone else wear colored mascara back in the 80s like me? I loved that trend. Really and truly. But it's a little too retro nowadays, so it's fun to just do a light coat of colored mascara over your basic black. This mascara is perfect for that. Department stores or maccosmetics.com.

MAC False Lashes - this is a refill I just picked up at the MAC counter at Nordstrom yesterday. I got my hair cut and highlights touched up and had a blast doing a little shopping in person.  The MAC make up artists (MUAs) are great. Super friendly, zero attitude. This mascara really delivers - it's a little 'wetter' than others so start lightly and gradually add more. And it comes off great with a little cleanser and eye makeup remover. Department stores or maccosmetics.com.

Maybelline The Falsies in Black Drama - one of the grocery stores near my house had all Maybelline marked down 20%, so I got this for something like $7 or $8.  The brush has a curvy, spoon shape which I've not ever seen before, and it takes some practice to get the angle just right. When you do...WOW. I'm very impressed! Doesn't flake off and washes right off too. Nice work, Maybelline!  At drugstores.

Kat von D Tattoo eyeliner - Kat von D is a tattoo artist and has quite an impressive makeup collection! I've used her mascara (should not be a surprise given my zero loyalty) but had not yet tried any liners. I'm a sucker for a wonderful liquid or felt tip pen-type liner that doesn't budge and washes off easily when I'm ready. And given 99% of my liquid liners are black, I chose the "Biker" shade, which is listed as "dark smoke" on the Sephora website. Why not mix it up with a little grey?

Here's where shopping online for makeup can be risky. I like the long, thin stiff brush on this liner, but the shade is far too light grey for any oomph. But at $18 it didn't break the bank and I'll probably use it on days I am not wearing much makeup. I'll definitely test the other shades at Sephora before purchasing again if ever.

MAC Lipglass in All of My Purple Life - *raises hand*...I SWEAR I got rid of a lot of lipgloss overload I've built up over the past couple years. I still have way too many. I promisepromisepromise this wonderful, rich purple is unlike any I have. Know what drew me in - along with the beautiful color? It's part of the Bloggers' Obsessions collection. I know, I know, MAC has a new collection coming out about every 10 minutes, and I've passed on quite a few recently give it's just re-packaging or shades I already have. This collection is intriguing.

MAC selected a few top beauty bloggers to create their own custom shade of lipstick, lipglass or eyeshadow at MAC's lab in Toronto. What a dream come true, eh? Amazing. All of my Purple Life is a rich, purple/magenta shade. And it makes these thin lips look super plumpy and full. I'm in love! This shade is much easier for me to rock than a red lipstick. Get this while you can because it's super limited edition. Only online at maccosmetics.com. PS:  Why that name? Find your old Prince album (cassette tape?) The Hits / The B Sides and play Erotic City. It's the first line in the lyrics. Genius! Wow, that song reminds me of frat parties in college. But that's another post. Everytime I comb my hair / thoughts of you get in my eyes...oh man, Prince!

Moving on now, we have MAC Dazzleglass in Baby Sparks - MAC made the smart decision to have Dazzleglasses in their permanent line - thank you! Love the 3-D sparklies and that signature vanilla scent. This is sparkle that I can easily layer over a lipstick for work. No disco ball lips here. This shade is a pale pink with just a teeny amount of light violet twinkling within. Love it. Department stores or maccosmetics.com

Did someone say eyeshadow? I won't even try to hide my overload. Perhaps it's time to pair it down or just enjoy what I have but I'm only human, and, a makeup junkie who's not ready for 12-step. LORAC, Stila, MAC...and Urban Decay. Urban Decay sprang up and gave me a big ol' virtual smooch a couple of years ago and has given my trusty MAC some stiff competition! Eeek, there goes my wallet.

So at the far left in the square pan we have Urban Decay Stardust shadow in Moon Spoon. The Stardust shadows have 40% more glitter than their other shadows (so says their website), but promise not to have fallout or chunky glitter - both so annoying! This is a nice, basic grey with a lot of sparkle, but it's not over the top at all. Be sure to use a primer so your shadow has something to stick to. I like to pat eyeshadow on at first with a brush (rather than sweep it) to get the first layer on evenly. This shade doesn't have the color payoff of other Urban Decay shadows which surprised me a little. But the packaging is really unique - just squeeze the flexible outer frame and POP, the lid opens. Sephora or urbandecay.com.

Next up is Urban Decay eyeshadow in Asphyxia - some of these names crack me up! This is the lavender shade in the round, silver case, and traditional Urban Decay with the subway token design on the casing. Honestly I haven't used this shade yet, but it's a sheer lavender with a little light blue duotone. Why did I purchase? Hmmm...would be great for a light, summer look or blended into a highlight above the crease.  Time to play! Sephora or urbandecay.com.

And staying with the (purely accidental) purple and grey theme in this last haul (ha), the other grey shadow here is MAC in Hocus Pocus - another piece in the Bloggers' Obsessions collection. "Dark sooty grey with silver pearl." This is exactly what it is. My only complaint is it's in the Satin finish, which is probably the hardest MAC shadow type for me to blend. Online only at maccosmetics.com

And lastly, the glorious Urban Decay 15-year Anniversary Palette - after snapping up all 3 Books of Shadows AND the Naked Palette, I caved yet again. This collection promises all-new shades - zero repeats. Good thing as I hear and read that complaint about the Books of Shadows frequently.

After getting my hair done yesterday, I stopped at Bellevue Square. Seems I don't get to the mall as often as I used to given I shop online moreso. But there's nothing like drooling over shoes and handbags at Nordstrom. Chatting with the sales associates too. Love it.

Another must-visit is the huge Sephora store on the main floor. I was greeted by the store manager who showed me the newest Smashbox eye shadows that had just arrived. Looked pretty, but I explained I have never tried Smashbox shadows before - even though I love the Halo loose powder and makeup primer. She asked if I'd be interested in having my eyes done and I said sure, why not? A few seconds later, Josh, one of their MUAs, showed up with a big smile and we sat down and played with shadow. After hearing me explain more about what I like and don't like, he whipped out the Urban Decay 15th anniversary palette and did a really fun look on me. Dang, it's been years since I had anyone do my makeup so this was a great experience! I told him I was pretty much up for anything and to just go for it. After all, it's makeup - if you don't like something, you wash it off!

This palette is gorgeous. There's a great combo of neutral shades and some edgier, in-your-face shades that Urban Decay is famous for. The outer case is mirrored with a raised, purple-jeweled "UD" on the cover. It sits in a square, purple velvet box (which is not in the picture, sorry).

Josh did a smokey look with two of the deep brown shades and put a tiny touch of the teal green (Deep End) on my inner eye corners. Wow! Not what I typically do, but that's the idea! It was fun to see how he used it and it did give my eyes a a nice pop. I might try doing the same technique with a more toned-down color for work. And he did a great job touching up my concealer and powder under the eyes when I told him the products I like. Such a fun experience!

Fun. FUN. Ready for much more of that this summer and fall! Decked out in wonderful makeup, of course!

Oh, the Power of Connections!

2011-07-31T12:37:00.000-07:00

By now a lot of you who tune in here regularly (thank you!!) know I typically have a new post on Sundays. This is one of the most relaxing things I do all week - I look forward to the combo of mental downtime AND challenge when I blog. Sometimes I have ZERO idea what I'm going to blog about when I sit down and fire up the keyboard.

This past week was totally different. I knew exactly what I was going to write about today, and it was crystal clear to me as of last Monday night.

When I was a lot younger, I remember hearing people around me or on TV, wherever, say things like "it's all who ya know." And for some reason that would never sit well with me. I'd bristle inside and try to not roll my eyes. I don't know why I felt that way; actually this is my first attempt trying to put those feelings from so many years ago into words.

But as I've gotten older, I'm reminded endlessly how true this is, and I don't wrinkle up inside or get fussy about it. Because I know it, breathe it, love it and live it. The connections I (and all of us) have have shaped my life in too many ways to list. Friendships. Jobs. Dating. Hockey. Lots of the big buckets in my life. Well, the dating bucket is a little empty right now, but she's there and ready. Hmmm, that's probably fodder for another post.

Monday started out great. It was the beginning of my second full week in this new job. I'm feeling so energized, motivated and happy with this group. I wonder how much of it is honeymoon and how much is because this really IS a great place for me to be right now.

On my commute home, I noticed my gas gauge was really low, so I stopped by a Chevron station I fill up at all the time. After filling up my car, I started up the engine, but I couldn't get my car out of Park, even after releasing the emergency brake. I didn't freak out too much, because this actually happened a couple of times a few months ago. The solution was to shut off the engine, wiggle the steering wheel a little bit and then start up the car again. Everything then worked just fine.

Not so much on this past Monday night. I re-started the car multiple times and no matter what I could not get my car into gear! I was starting to get a little self-conscious. Here I was in peak-time commuting, when gas stations are pretty busy and I couldn't get going and on my way. 15, 20, 25 minutes went by and I'm still parked in front of the damn gas pump!

I went inside to let the cashier know. He was a really nice man, and even offered to sit in my car and try it himself. No-go for him either. He put an orange cone behind my car and said, "it's a linkage problem." And he walked away. I also called my brother who sold me this car a few years ago. He was sure there was a manual override button somewhere to get the car out of Park. Even after sending him a picture of my gear console via my phone, we couldn't find it.

I knew it was time to call AAA and get towed to the shop. Le Sigh. But I tell you, that $50 annual membership fee pays for itself many times over. As I was on the phone with the dispatcher my mind starting racing. I knew I needed to 1) get home after getting my car to the shop and 2) get to work tomorrow morning. By now it was around 7pm and I knew the dealership would be closed (meaning they wouldn't be able to rent me a car that night).

I called my neighbor A. By some awesome luck of coincidence she was home and said she'd be able to get me home that night and would take me into work the next day, even though it was a ways from her work commute. Wonderful! I knew I could always get a cab home and figure out the bus to get into work, but I'm glad I didn't need to. My work laptop wasn't set up yet for me to work remotely.

All I could do now was wait. Wait for the tow truck and then wait for my neighbor to come get me. Then I remembered, oh yeah:  I have a weekly chat with L, my sponsor in my Silpada jewelry business on Monday nights. My head was spinning with so much - when was I going to get home? How much was this repair going to cost me? And on and on. I called L to tell her I was really preoccupied with this car situation and I was not going to be in any shape to talk bling.

Here's where it gets interesting! She said, "oh, no worries, and I'll call M." Oh my God, I'd totally forgotten her husband is a manager at a car rental company! Within a few minutes she called me back. M was able to get me a rental contract on the spot - at this late hour. All I would have to do was get to the Goose (a bar in Bellevue) and he would be waiting with the car and paperwork. WOW! I was blown away. If it hadn't been Monday night, the night I typically chat with L, it never would have dawned on me to call her to have M help me out!

All of this happened while I was waiting for the tow truck driver. I called my neighbor A back and told her once I got to the dealership to drop it off for repair, she would need to take me to the Goose to pick up my rental.

The tow truck driver was really nice. And before he hooked up my car to tow it, he tried nudging it very gently with his truck. That worked! I could now get the car out of Park and into gear! We tried it two more times, but it failed on the 3rd try. Yep, the car needed to go in the shop alright.

So I rode shotgun in the tow truck - it was just about a 10 minute drive to the dealership. On the way there I called my brother back to tell him what happened and to thank him for his help troubleshooting over the phone. We ended the call with "love you" as we always do.  After I hung up, the tow truck driver told me, "you know, we don't tell our loved ones we love them enough. I'm glad you told your brother that when you were wrapping up your call. And take that as a compliment.”

Wow. I was surprised but very touched.

When we arrived at the dealership I started filling out the envelope form for the after hours key drop off, and I called A to let her know I was ready for her to come get me. The tow truck driver handed me his paperwork to sign and I thanked him for his help.

I was still mentally reeling from everything that happened...I was feeling disoriented, overwhelmed - so many emotions all mixed up.

What happened next totally blew me away. The tow truck driver looked at me and said, "Ma'am, I know you aren't very happy right now, but I want you to know how happy I am to help out someone like you tonight." He went on to explain what he meant. He meant someone not in any danger, uninjured and ALIVE. We've had a couple of very bad accidents with fatalities these past couple of weeks. A logging truck and semi got tangled up on one of our major freeways, slamming right into backed up commuter traffic. About 16 cars were involved, and a 9 year old girl died a few days later. And just a week ago, a man in his mid 40s, married with two young children was driving home from making a routine Sunday afternoon run to Costco. He was killed instantly when his car collided with a shit-faced drunk man in a road rage road race. The driver who killed him walked away without a scratch. And supposedly got out of the car and started beating his chest like an animal after the crash! What the fuck?

P, the tow truck driver, explained that HE was part of the cleanup crew for both of those tragedies. And as he told me more, his voice started to wobble and he choked up.  Suddenly, all of my inward mental bitching and moaning about my situation melted away. I knew I had nothing to complain about that Monday night. Sure my car had to go in the shop, but I wasn't stranded in the middle of nowhere, I wasn't in any danger, I wasn't hurt...and I had great help getting through this 27-ring circus.

I'll never forget P and his emotional reflecting on what he had to witness these past couple of weeks.  We don't normally think about the emotional stress our rescue workers and ambulance drivers deal with as part of their jobs. I should have hugged him.

After dropping off my car and riding with my neighbor A to the Goose to pick up my rental, I was exhausted. But home, safe...and the proud renter of a Dodge Charger, ha! Muscle cars are so not my style; I giggled as M pulled it up for me before signing the rental contract. Vroom vroom!

Know what? The next day I had my car back - and the repair was only $135! Unbelievable! You normally can't walk into a dealership repair shop for that amount. What happened? The brake switch had failed (not the brakes themselves).  I learned that this is the switch that senses your foot is on the brake, and it then lets you take your car out of Park. Aha! I'm such a GIRL with car repairs. I know you're supposed to get oil changes, check the tires and have them rotated occasionally. Beyond that I have no clue.

So I am relieved not only that my car got fixed but also how inexpensive the repair was! My car is 12 years old and she's a rockstar for sure, but I know at some point she's gonna have to go out to pasture.

Meanwhile, I count my blessings...and connnections!

Not Sweating in the Sweater

2011-07-24T12:17:00.000-07:00

I'll let you in on a little secret. I've started this funny tradition of sorts the past 3 years. Mid July just isn't mid July without the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale! Yes, angels sing as I open my mailbox and find the catalogue waiting, packed with new goodies on sale for the fall/winter season!

THIS is my favorite time of year to shop. Lots of you may know I love to invest in fall/winter clothing, shoes, boots, scarves, etc. Around here the summer season is so short it's just not worth it to go all out with expensive shorts, tops, sundresses, etc. OK, I DO plunk down some cashola on sandals and flip flops...oh and nice sunglasses too. A girl's gotta accessorize. But for summer clothing, put me in J. Crew clearance and I'm happy.

So what's my tradition? No, it's not taking the day off from work and waiting for the store to open that fabulous Friday morning at 7am. Not this night owl! I pour over the catalogue and mark my favorites. Then I stay up late the night before, and when the clock strikes midnight, I go online and place my order! Then I fall blissfully into bed...and get back to work the next day.

About a week later, the hot UPS man shows up with my order! How awesome is this? No crowds or long lines in the stores. If you know your sizes in your favorite designers, shopping online is a great alternative.

I'm really happy with my choices this year: black high heeled Via Spiga ankle boots (I pretty much live in black shoes and boots 3 seasons of the year) and black patent leather high heeled loafers (by Me Too, a brand I had not heard before of but these fit very nicely, whew). High heeled loafers are very on trend this season. And I smile and remember when they also were about 15ish years ago...I had surgery on my right foot back in 1995 and I remember treating myself to a pair as a reward to myself for getting through the surgery, crutches and physical therapy. Excruciating. But I will never take walking without pain for granted ever again. Thank you, Dr. S!!

I also purchased a wonderful, light knit wool wrap in a deep magenta with some charcoal grey on the trim. Delicious! And I found a fair isle sweater in grey and black (do we see a pattern here), cut in a loose, boxy style with a wide neckline. Kind of an edgy take on a classic. I like this. Fair Isle is very pretty, but it is too preppy bordering on frumpy in a more traditional sweater style on me.

Another part of this ritual is the funny feeling of trying on new winter clothes when it's blasting hot weather. Oooh the feel of comfy wool or cashmere...so contradictory slipping it on when it's 90 degrees out...I forget for a second what it feels like after all these months!

Well, except for this year.

Our weather this spring and summer has been terrible. Much more cold and rainy than usual. Even last Sunday I went for a walk with my neighbor, A and her dog. It POURED rain. Rain like cold February rain. In freakin' mid July. UGH! There was some news story going around about how we've only had about 80 minutes of above 80 degree temperatures this year. Meanwhile the rest of the country is gripped in a heat wave.

I zipped home from work last week knowing my Nordstrom delivery would be waiting on my front doorstep! Bliss! The boots and shoes both fit great, and the wrap is gorgeous! Next I darted upstairs to try on the sweater...very soft and comfortable.

And that night I pretty much needed to keep it on. Brrr. Nope, no sweating!

Do we have hope for a hot, late summer? Hello, August??

Plastic Access

2011-07-17T14:06:00.000-07:00

What a week of transitions, waiting...and a dose of New injected into my Prior Familiar.

Just what am I talking about? Well, I started my new job on Wednesday as best I could - I'll get to that in a second - and also had a test in patience waiting for a new debit card from my bank.

And reflecting back on these two things, well, they both tie into a simple yet oh-so-critical object - a plastic card! Hilarious? Frustrating? Yes and yes.

At work I need a cardkey to get where my new team is located. Once inside the building our offices are in another small cluster which is secured off. Makes total sense but is a little inconvenient. Especially when you have to step out to use the restroom. Ah, but this is all temporary stuff and not unusual. It's nice to know this so it doesn't burn a bunch of mental cycles that I need for getting to know everyone on the team and actually learning what my new job is going to be. Just a few more days now and I'll be all set. Until I'm able to get my new laptop all set up, it's old school time with a tablet of paper and a pen. I'm actually just a 2 minute walk from the building where my last engagement just wrapped up and have already run into a few people from my former team!

The home laptop here...well, that's an ugly story with thankfully a happy ending. Last week I got a virus. No idea how exactly. I've learned many things about viruses and virus removal since this episode. One is that viruses can lie dormant in your machine for some time and then suddenly spring to life. There's no traceable way to determine just when you got infected.

I also learned that when you're prompted to run the chkdsk utility (on a PC), DON'T. Running chkdsk is perfectly fine; prompts to run it are not. They're ways to lure you into running the utility which then installs malicious code that you may have been exposed to. This is me, a non-technical person, trying to explain this as plainly as I can. I am sure there's much more behind the scenes so techies out there bear with me.

And when you get pop up error messages that your hard disk is failing, it's not. I saw these messages and it's scary how freakin' legit they looked. I admit I panicked a bit. This laptop is 5 years old, which is ancient relatively speaking. I figured, oh man, this is it...it's crapping out! Am I going to lose any data? EEEEK! In reality, when your computer hard disk is failing, you won't get pop up warnings. Your computer will freeze up or not boot up at all.

THEN this console dashboard-y thing pops up on my screen and proceeds to scan for errors and fix them. I'd never seen anything like this before. What the hell? It then spit out a report that some errors were fixed but some were not able to be fixed. For $85, why not upgrade to the premium version of this scanning tool? It was called something like XP Fix. Looking back it was eerie how authentic everything appeared. But of course it wasn't. This thing even had the secure icons that you see on shopping websites all the time.

In my heat of panic, I agreed to purchase the upgrade! How could I be such a dumbass? You know, the minute I clicked to purchase, my stomach went into a knot. I knew I'd make a terrible mistake.

What else happened from the virus? Well, I lost all of my icons, like things you see in your start menu and all. Turns out they weren't deleted, just hidden. Weird. After the 2nd troubleshooting session my icons were visible again, but I still wasn't completely free from the virus(es). My online search results would get hijacked and redirected toward strange spammy looking websites advertising cheap flights to Beijing or whatever. Ummmm, yeah right. This thing was so intense it even attacked my anti-virus software, but made it appear to be running normally. Only after some deep troubleshooting were the techs and I able to see the real story and fix it. Yikes.

So after 3 very long troubleshooting sessions with Dell over 3 days, I'm all cleaned up. None of the error fixing stuff from the console pop up was legit. And believe me, after the 1st session was done (I thought it would be the last but it wasn't), I called my bank and had them cancel my debit card. Thankfully there were no unauthorized charges on it; still it was good peace of mind to cancel it. I had to wait a week for the new one to arrive, so it was a little inconvenient doing errands old school with my checkbook, but it was worth the wait.

Just yet another tiny rectangle of plastic. How much we come to depend upon it.

Hittin' the Reset Button

2011-07-10T11:34:00.000-07:00

So much has happened in the couple weeks since I last wrote. I feel like I've busted through a wall (in a good way) or have gone through a massive kind of human car wash. I feel great - refreshed, renewed and happy. Even lighter too, but I'm not stepping on the scale just yet.

My last day of work was Thursday the 30th. I knew this day was coming, and it was nice having nearly a full month's notice that I'd be wrapping up then for sure. When you do consulting/contract work like I have for nearly five years, you learn quickly how fluid and unpredictable work assignments can be. You don't always get as much notice as a month. Hell, I've had two weeks, one week another time...and even another time got a phone call driving home one night that I didn't need to come back to work the next day. Never knew why. It was the end of the quarter and maybe they'd forgotten that they needed to trim their contingent workforce. Who knows.

Why do I do this type of work, you may wonder?  Well, I consider it a big advantage, as I get the opportunity to zoom in and out of very disparate work environments and see what's out there. I do the work they need me to do and then I move on. I don't have to insert myself in politics or bullshit that every work environment has. I learn different ways of solving problems and can apply them in other work engagements.

The flip side is I'm pretty much networking and job hunting year 'round. Time goes quickly and most of my engagements are a year or less in length.  This one happened to be just over a year. Felt like the blink of an eye, really. So while there's a part of me that gets a little drained having to keep an eye out for my next job pretty much constantly, the advantage is I've built up a much stronger network than I would have if I'd stayed in the same job for years and years. I know how to rock an interview, network and land a job. I always land on my feet. Sure, I feel a little envious when I see people around my age who have been at their same jobs for 10-15 years or longer, but I've also heard them tell me things like, "Wow, I haven't been on an interview in years. I wouldn't know how to do what you're doing, fivenineteen. I don't know what I'd do if I ever got laid off." Guess the grass is always greener. I'm happy in my patch 'o green right now.

The job market has improved immensely out there, at least in my little world of perspective. Once I updated my resume and started getting the word out, lots of calls and emails came pouring in. That feels pretty damn good, no doubt there.

I'm starting a new position later this week! It's at the same company I was at prior, but in a completely different business unit.  Everything about this has felt good and right from the minute I got called to interview. Including the speed of business and sense of urgency in getting this all put together (paperwork, etc). Remember how my start date for the position I just wrapped up got delayed some two or three weeks? And when I did show up for Day One, my manager was out sick and didn't tell anyone (so I sat in the lobby for two hours with a peer of mine and a sales rep)? Yeah, I don't like to remember that either because it sucked royally. Glad that is all far, far in the rear view mirror. And it makes for great storytelling too.

So I have had just about a week of downtime between gigs. Just enough to really "reset," but not so long that my brain would start going to mush.

I had an incredible 4th of July weekend with family. I've posted about Ocean Park and the Long Beach Peninsula out on the Washington coast before. It's truly magical, beautiful and deeply steeped in family history. And it's fun seeing my nephews and niece discover it too and get to know their other cousins - on both sides of the family! We had incredible warm and sunny weather - it's a crapshoot on the coast even in early summer like now. Polar fleece? Shorts? Yes and yes.

Even the drive there and back is relaxing and cleansing. Once you get off the main freeways and onto the two-lane highways the scenery is amazing. I've driven that route hundreds of times and I never get tired of it.

Know that feeling when you're on a roll...things just happen in your favor?  Right down to a rockstar parking spot when you're running late for an appointment...and parallel park correctly on the first try? That's how it's been lately, and frankly I deserve it. It's been a real grinding haul these past 13-14 months.

Just the other day I got an "escrow overage" check in the mail from my bank. Wuhh? $212 - works for me. And within two days I received two very generous jewelry orders from my side business. One was a guest who couldn't make my last hostess' party and the other was a friend who called me when I posted something on Facebook about the new jewelry that's coming out later this month for the new season! Earlier this week I looked at my post-coast trip feet. Yuck...I need a pedicure! My favorite spa had an opening just two hours later. I splurged and got the pedi with the extra foot and leg massage time. Ahhh. I also met with a couple of recruiters I'd not met with before over lunch. Like I've said, you always keep networking. They know I've got something new lined up already, but time goes quickly.

Now...how can I bottle up this great Feeling of Reset?

From the Neck Up

2011-06-26T13:04:00.000-07:00

Sometimes a little vanity is exactly what I need for a lift. This time, it started at the dentist.

I don't particularly enjoy going to the dentist, but I sure love how great my teeth look and feel when they're done cleaning.  Thankfully I don't have any major teeth issues save for a few fillings from my early teens and a crown about 10 years ago. Pretty typical.

So after that recent checkup I went home, smiled in the mirror and then ran my fingers through my hair. Dark roots, split ends. It's time. Time for a color touch up and haircut!

I broke up with my hairdresser earlier this year. That's the only way I can describe it and while it's sad it's a story that needed to end. After over 20 years, everything went poof and fizzled out with unreturned phone calls when I needed to make an appointment. She left her salon many years ago - I'm guessing around 10 or 12 - and started going to her clients' houses to cut their hair, bringing all her equipment with her. This was fine by me as I'd known her a long time and trusted her, but it put a more intimate spin on our relationship into a sort of almost-friendship, even though we didn't seek out eachother's company otherwise if that makes sense. And no, it wasn't a true salon experience getting my hair cut sitting in my kitchen (she would use a spray bottle to wet my hair and dry it when she was done - no shampooing) but she hadn't raised her rates in years so I mentally justified it that way. And I got used to it.

But I got tired of hearing her drama every time she came over to cut my hair. From restraining orders with her boyfriend, losing her home to foreclosure, her father's death, bankruptcy, it was surreal. And it's too bad, because she's very talented and precise with her craft. Through late 80s big hair to an attempt at the Jennifer Aniston shag from the Friends years in the 90s, my experiment with bangs in late 2008 and everything onward, she did it all well.

Now I have H, a bubbly late 20-something who cracks me up. She's at the salon where I get my highlights done. And her chair is just a couple down from another H, my colorist of probably 20 years. You might think I'd be nervous having someone else cut my hair after so many years, but it actually was refreshing and fun!

H and H got me all cleaned up. Stress seems to manifest itself in my hair, and the greys are coming in fast. Wiry little fuckers. Looking back on the past year, stress has definitely been right at my head table, leering at me and poking, prodding...so I fight back with a great cut and a little more blonde!

Have I bitched about peach fuzz in here before? If I have, it's time to again. I get it waxed off my jawline area a few times a year and while my skin is a little irritated for a day it's so worth it. That awful, colorless fuzz is extremely aging so away with it! And once it's gone, makeup goes on so much more smoothly.

Why am I doing this? Well, a girl's gotta look her best, especially when it's time to pound the pavement again and job hunt. Let's face it - age discrimination is out there...although I'm told I look a lot younger than my 44 years. I'm proud of my experience and talents, for it's a story that's uniquely, wonderfully mine.

I worked at home on Friday. And when I got back upstairs after making a quick lunch I looked in the mirror again.

Help! I need eyebrows!

So I called my favorite spa and sure enough, they had a late afternoon slot open with M, my awesome aesthetician. Now, I'm no chicken when it comes to waxing. But the eyebrows are a different story. 'Cause I puff up quite a bit afterwards and it takes a couple days for the redness and puffiness to go away. Although my hair is naturally ashy brown (shot through with a few greys now), for some reason my eyebrows have always been super light. I swear by MAC Browset - it's like mascara for your brows and just adds a little nice color. But on a day like Friday, working at home, sans makeup, the brows are pretty much invisible.

NOW I feel better. Blonde, brows done, shiny teeth...somebody hire me, dammit!

A Chilly Solstice?

2011-06-19T13:11:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting here surrounded by flat, grey silence. And I've written about this before...how different Sunday mornings feel. Quiet with hardly any cars on the road. Thick clouds and drizzle today. Yes, this is our typical mid June-ish weather...we joke that summer officially starts after the 4th of July. We've had a couple of recent, sunny teaser days but of course during the workweek. Yes, a chilly Summer Solstice it may be!

Workweek. Hmmmm...in 10 days THAT will vanish from my personal rhythms. How the hell did 13 months go by in the blink of an eye? What's next for me? I feel free and yet a little terrified too. I remember this roller coaster ride. And I hope this ride is far shorter than the last one.

Connections, connections. Networknetworknetwork. One of my favorite learnings from my side jewelry business is "the fortune is in the follow up." I love this and embrace it. Whenever I feel I might be too pushy calling or emailing someone back about a job opening, for general networking or just asking for help, I whisper this to myself before I pick up the phone or fire up the keyboard. And it works!

I love Six Degrees connections. And I made a new one Friday over a fabulous Thai food lunch over in Seattle. The Lower Queen Anne neighborhood is amazing, and you can't walk 20 feet without running into a Thai restaurant. Ahhh. Remember that group of women I meet up with a few times a year for dinner...friends who go clear back to the elementary school years?  Well, the husband of one of them forwarded my resume to a colleague of his, and a couple hops later, whammo, I met P. Things always work out as they're supposed to...I was a little worried lunch plus a long drive into the city and back would make me late for an afternoon meeting, but turns out it got rescheduled. Phew. So this was a nice excuse to get a little more cleaned up and polished, rather than that uber-casual I've been immersed in in my current job.

The universe smiled down on me in so many ways, for the bridge I planned to take over the lake into Seattle was to be closed all weekend, but not till later in the evening. And the tolls have not started either (reminding myself to purchase a Pass soon!). And did I mention the rockstar (free) street parking I found right near the Seattle Center? Yep, I've still got mad parallel parking skillz. Which I hardly get to use in the suburbs. Nailed it.

I walked a few blocks up 5th Avenue North to meet P at Crow up on Aloha Street. A nice handshake and smile.  But whoops! They're not open for lunch. So the easy Plan B was a couple blocks back downhill...to Bahn Thai. We're not sure this position he's trying to fill is the best fit for my experience, but he will follow up and keep an eye out for something else.

And in the meantime, my current firm found a few leads as well. Staffing and recruiting is SO incredibly fluid and fickle. Things change all the time. Job postings close for no clear reason. I'm glad for a brief work engagement in that industry for it just underscores for me that how that's how it is and it's nothing personal. My current firm does a wonderful gathering for all its consultants once a month. Third Thursday. Food, drinks and unwinding conversation and lots of laughs. Always a fantastic event to look forward to!

Kinda funny or weird how I do all this 'work' to find work...and yet I also firmly believe that what's supposed to happen will happen. But I can't just sit idle and wait around meanwhile, however. Fuck, what an emotional tangle this could be. I remind myself to breathe, relax...they did me a favor wrapping up my engagement this month. Nowhere I'd want to put down roots permanently anyway.

Yes, it's the Solstice on Tuesday. A deep rhythm in our seasons outside and internal ones too. And it's Father's Day today. I smile and know my Dad is my biggest career cheerleader out there.

I've got tons of support...I know this and am beyond grateful.

Transition Preparations

2011-06-12T12:45:00.000-07:00

Last week I wrote about the wave that washed over me, forcing me to sit in my chair here and finish updating my resume. I've learned to not question these super duper strong instincts when they hit - they mean it, dammit! It meant canceling on my hockey game rather last minute, and I don't like doing that at ALL, but the wave won out.

Good thing too: the resume got updated that night. And distributed.

And just a day or two later, guess what happened? Not one but THREE great job leads appeared from the consulting firm who found my current job. What a difference a year and a half makes! The job market is improving, and my phone and email are rumbling even harder back to life. I'm realizing how much more mentally prepared I will be going into my next job assignment, as it shouldn't be nearly as long between gigs as last time around...I hope. Last year I went from mental 0 to 100 literally overnight - an abrupt shock back after feeling like my brain was turning to mush with nothing going on for months and months. Now, while I feel a bit weary and ready for this current engagement to finish up, I feel more 'on'. That's hard to put into words, but it's how it came out.

My friend D's husband also forwarded my resume to a few of his connections, and I'll be meeting up with a Director at a consulting firm later this week for lunch. We had a great chat late on Friday afternoon! I'd prefer to have the firm who I'm currently affiliated with get me reassigned, but I've gotta look out for Numero Uno here.  And who knows - new connections made now could sprout even further down the road for me or for another colleague.

In the meantime, I've got a job to do through the end of the month, and, well, I'm only human and it would be incredibly easy to flip the mental switch and stop caring. Sure I take pride in my work and will do whatever it takes for a strong finish. But for some stuff, frankly, I'll need to fake it.  Before I knew I would be wrapping up this month, I got assigned some brand new stuff to do - and the milestones were plotted all the way into January. Why would I get assigned something new if I was going to be cut loose just a few weeks later? Anyway, the reasons don't matter, and I'm just chalking it up to even more opportunity to gain more experience in a very short timeframe. Plus, it's a small world out there and I might end up back with this team or something similar down the road.

How you finish is just as important as how you start. Don't burn bridges. Go for the Graceful Exit.

I had lunch with S, a friend I've known for years who I met through hockey. She and I really bonded a couple of years ago when I was first getting used to being unemployed. She has her own business as an aside from her full-time work, and I came with her to several events as a guest to learn more about it. It was great to get out of the house, meet new people and clean up/dress up on those days I had no interviews when the temptation was to just be a slob and mope. And I am dumbfounded that all started two years ago.

It was wonderful to reconnect over lunch again - how had it been a year or so since we last met up?

So, I'm just keeping busy and connected while preparing for whatever the next plunge might be. I'm excited, relieved, nervous, curious...the list goes on. Notice that 'angry' is not in that list of feelings. 'Cause I'm not in the slightest.  This gig was designed to be purely consultative, not permanent. And while I don't like to call out specific details in here when it comes to jobs and companies, let me just say I'm perfectly happy with that arrangement. Great experience, but not anywhere to hang my hat right now.

T and I met up for dinner at Palomino last night...she is such an amazing friend. We've each gone through some bumps this year - my very brief relationship, and she and her boyfriend split up a couple of months ago...he had been living with her and so it was a rough ride with all of that and him moving out. We're both happy and strong women and always land on our feet, but we also appreciate the friendships and support out there too. So much to be grateful for.

We split a wonderful bottle of wine (the name escapes me now but trust me, a mighty fine white something), while T chose the Seafood Louie - a beautiful salad - and I the fusilli picatta, a delicious combo of marinated chicken, shallots, capers and a few chili flakes for kick in a white wine sauce.

And when you're steps away from fabulous shopping at Bellevue Square, of COURSE you gotta hop over there too. T picked out a gorgeous pair of black Tod's loafers, and I, knowing I am soon to be on a budget again, merely drooled over shoes.

T and I are brainstorming ideas for a meetup group we're planning to launch later this summer.  We're super excited!

And I think "excited" is the right way to describe things for me right now. One door is slowly closing, and something new, unknown, magical is going to pop and set me on an entirely new journey this summer and beyond.

Let's just hope it's sooner than later!

A Working Sunday

2011-06-05T18:54:00.000-07:00

And, frankly, some of the most important work I have to do - take care of myself...look out for Numero Uno. Selfish? Nope - essential.

I love, love, love to write. And yet the writing I do at work, while I'm proud of it and I think I've got a good style, doesn't really feed my soul. Hence, this blog and other outlets.

It's Sunday and the air is full of sunshine, warmth and delicious smells. Cut grass. Barbecues. Does sunshine have a smell?  If so, it smells great outside. I even heard the ice cream truck's clankety music earlier today.

A long, soggy and cold spring it has been...maybe, just maybe we've gotten past most of that, but on the other hand most of us know that summer doesn't officially start until after the 4th of July around here. We'll take these warm days meanwhile.

So what's the work today? Polishing up my resume. And networking. How time flies. Yes, it's time for me to get back out there and network again, as my current job assignment wraps up at the end of June. Am I surprised? Nope. The writing was on the wall in tons of ways two months ago, plus the end of June is end of fiscal year at this particular client, so it's definitely nothing personal; I am one of many who will be finishing up here in the next few weeks. This engagement - 13 months - has actually been my longest ever since I pulled the plug on longterm employment and began doing consulting gigs.

I'm definitely feeling a lot more confident this time around. Hell, it's not 2009 anymore. The job market is improving, and it seems overall there's a happier vibe out there - not sure how to pinpoint it. Perhaps some of that is ME being happier too. Choose your attitude, right??

And what a fun kickoff to the weekend...tiptoed out of the office a tad early to head over to my friend M's new law offices for a housewarming - and a jewelry show too! We had a fabulous combo of a sunny late afternoon - her conference room has a deck right off of it, a wonderful wine and munchies spread from M, and time playing with jewelry! I made about $200 in commission too - not too shabby getting paid to party, frankly!

I had a glorious sunny Saturday with my dear friend J, who treated me to a belated birthday lunch at Purple, a wonderful wine bar not far from our famous wineries in the deep Seattle suburbs. And they have fantastic food too. We then hit the Burke Gilman trail for a walk in the sunshine - yay that I remembered to plop on some sunscreen ahead of time. She and I chat on IM quite a bit so it's always fun to reconnect in person!

I woke up today - Sunday - knowing it was time to get to work. Time to get that resume up to date and circulated.  So I spent a few hours today here in the home office doing that plus getting on the phone and calling a bunch of colleagues/friends to let them know my status and availability.

And then I got 'gripped' down in my office chair here. STAY AND WORK. Wha??? I had a hockey game tonight, but something deep within me said DON'T GO, you NEED to stay here and network. Call me crazy, but I do realize these instincts deep in my core need my full attention.  So I opted not to skate tonight. Why would my instincts tell me not to skate tonight when I'm feeling perfectly healthy and ready to work off some muscle soreness from walking by...well...playing hockey? One of my favorite outlets ever?

I don't know. And I have learned to not question these strong pulls, as crazy as they sound written in words here. Maybe in some dark, warped way I wasn't supposed to be driving to that rink tonight because there would have been some horrible accident. I know, I know, that's a little 'out there.'

I do know that everything happens as it's supposed to. We don't always know it at the time, but it's so incredibly true.

And now I must get back to my contact spreadsheet updating - going on nearly 20 outreaches tonight and I'm just getting started!

Ketchup...from Scratch!

2011-05-29T12:23:00.000-07:00

Yes, this is for real, everyone. Why not just grab a bottle and squeeze/pour? Well, this is a quick and easy recipe with a reduced amount of sugar and no emulsifying gums like the commercial versions.

Keep reading and you'll see why I did this.

You know, it's funny how when I get in 'cooking bender' weekend moods like this I tend to go with a meat dish. And for the second episode in a row here, it's pork. When I say 'cooking bender' I mean I go all out and try a recipe I've never done before and enjoy the leftovers. (Thank you, Tupperware, and my freezer). I really do enjoy cooking and I think I'm pretty good at it, but admittedly when I'm not entertaining and it's just me on a weeknight after work I fall in a pasta, garlic and pesto or other sauce habit with maybe some shrimp mixed in occasionally. Perhaps I had a subconscious meat craving going on.

So, this ketchup from scratch is part of a BBQ pork recipe. It's a pseudo kind of BBQ...I'm no expert or snob in BBQ sauces but from what I read in this recipe it has a vinegar-y flavor which is North Carolina style - ? OK, OK. The flavors are wonderful and I was surprised how this sauce (and the ketchup) all came together pretty quickly.

I got introduced to The Primal Blueprint, a book by Mark Sisson, earlier this year. The theory is that our ancestors, back in our hunter/gatherer years prior to the onset of agriculture, were leaner, stronger and healthier than we are today. Blame it on whole grains, dairy, sugar, breads, rice, pasta, gluten and even beans. And, blame it on our sedentary lifestyles too I guess. This way of eating flies in the face of the 'food pyramid' that shows grains and breads as the recommended foundation of our modern diets. Mark's book flips all of that on its head. The primal diet is full of meats, seafoods, fowl, fruits and vegetables and is intended as a lifestyle, NOT a quick fix diet. When I first saw the book's title I had a visual of some caveman eating raw meat right off the bone, like in the first part of the movie 2001: A Space Odyssey, when the apes discover they now can use a bone as a weapon to kill for meat. Didn't sound very appetizing.

But it's not that way at all obviously. Stay with me on this ramble, everyone. Here's the recipe. Man, I haven't even had coffee yet today.

Yes, there is a Primal Blueprint Cookbook and I highly recommend picking it up. Mark Sisson and Jennifer Meier co-authored.

Primal Ketchup - makes about 1 1/2 Cups
1 can (6 oz.) tomato paste
2/3 C cider vinegar
1/3 C water
3 T raw honey or pure maple syrup
3 T onion, minced
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 tsp sea salt
1/8 tsp ground Allspice
1/8 tsp ground cloves
1/8 tsp black pepper

Mix all ingredients in a food processor or in a bowl with a handheld blender until smooth. Add a small amount of water if too thick. Store in a tightly covered jar in the refrigerator.

That's it! Takes just 15 minutes, including prep time. I fudged a bit and used red wine vinegar. I'd thrown out the cider vinegar in my pantry because it was about a year past the expiration date - yikes - and when I made a trip to the grocery store I forgot to grab a fresh bottle. And I used 'regular' honey, not raw. I hardly ever use honey and I didn't feel like buying another bottle because the one I already had was still pretty full.

I also didn't completely mince the onion - I took about 1/3 of a white onion and diced it fairly small. And I love using minced garlic in a jar - 1/2 tsp is about equivalent to one clove and you won't notice the difference at all. My garlic mincer stays pretty dormant in the gadget drawer these days.

Ahhh, my handheld stick blender. My folks gave me one for Christmas over 15 years ago and it's an amazing tool. Great for pureeing peeled tomatoes right in the can to start off your homemade pasta sauces. And it worked wonderfully in a small glass bowl to make this ketchup.

Now, onto the BBQ pork...Grandma's Easy BBQ Pork
Serves 8 or more
Preheat oven to 325 degrees F

1 T olive oil or high quality lard
8 pork chops or about 4 pounds of pork shoulder roast. Use bone-in instead of boneless for the richest tasting sauce
1 small onion, finely chopped
1/2 C of the primal ketchup
1 C water
1/3 C vinegar
1 tsp salt
1 tsp celery seed
1/2 tsp nutmeg
1 bay leaf

Brown meat on all sides in fat/oil over medium to medium-high heat in a flame-proof casserole or Dutch oven. While the meat is browning, combine remaining ingredients and stir to mix well.

When the meat has browned, remove from heat and pour mixture over the meat.

Cover with lid or foil and bake at 325 degrees F for 1 1/2 hours for chops and about 2 1/2 hours for roast. Check halfway through the baking time and add a small amount of water if necessary.

Remove bay leaf and transfer the chops or roast onto a warm platter and pour sauce in a gravy boat or pitcher. Spoon or pour some sauce over the meat to moisten.

See how easy that was? It's absolutely delicious. Now, to make it truly Primal, serve with mashed cauliflower, turnips or parsnips rather than potatoes or rice. Shredded cabbage would work well here too.

I used a 3 1/2 pound boneless pork shoulder roast and the 2 1/2 hour cooking time was perfect. I also used plain white vinegar and grey sea salt.

When I first lived on my own and realized I needed to get more confident with my cooking, I purchased a few cookbooks and started reading. And I read in one that you must read the recipe all the way through before you start. A recipe is not a mystery novel with a surprise ending. And this is SO TRUE! You don't want to get stuck with your pants down with a recipe intended for dinner that evening and then 'suddenly' realize you need to marinate something overnight. Ugh.

So as I read through the BBQ pork recipe, two words jumped out at me: Dutch oven. I have a lot of great cookware but scratched my head...how in the hell do I not have a Dutch oven? I have some large sauce pans and some large 6 and 8 quart stockpots for pasta or making soup...what would work here? Aha.

I went upstairs and found my rarely-used, save-the-day 8 1/2 quart pot. It's Calphalon and the old school style, so the handles do not stay cool on the stove...and it's the original hard anodized style (NOT nonstick). I found it on amazon.com years ago on a total whim - something like $180 marked down to $15. And while it's pretty bulky - it's wider than it is tall and I have to store it somewhere else than my kitchen - it's well worth it.

This pot was just deep enough to hold the roast. Now, browning the roast before baking it was a little tricky, especially since I had to use potholders to hold this large, heavy pot. I heated up the pan on the stove and swirled olive oil 3 times around it once it was hot. And I found two meat serving forks and grabbed one in each potholder'd hand, stabbed the roast on each side, and gently lowered it into the hot pan. I'm glad I had the potholders on because the hot oil did spatter a bit.

After about 3 or 4 minutes I put the potholders back on again, grabbed the meat forks and gently rotated the roast. Once I got the hang of it it was a pretty easy process.

The pork can sit covered once it's out of the oven - I used a large trivet and let it sit on my kitchen counter for a half hour before digging in. The meat won't overcook - rather, it will become even more tender.

Buon appetito!

And...We're Still Here!

2011-05-22T13:03:00.000-07:00

Looks like Judgment Day, Rapture, whatever you want to call it didn't happen after all. Everything's still on, everyone! Hope you didn't cancel your Sunday plans.

Ha. Well, I knew if our time was up yesterday, at least I got to sneak in one more birthday and celebrations to go out with a bang.

Yep, May 19 is a special day, hence this Blog's name. And when it comes to celebrating my birthday, the window between the actual day and Memorial Day is fair game. This year it was a typical day at work, but as I was driving to the office Thursday I remembered that it was also my start date anniversary in this engagement! After that long, dry spell with no work plus delays pinning down the start date, it finally happened. While I try to keep looking forward and not dwell on past negatives, I'll admit that whole episode still is a little scabbed over and not healed. OK, that sounds gross. Let's go with that there's a scar. And this engagement - a year and change so far - has been my longest since I pulled the plug on more steady type work and went into contracting/consulting. I'll be around at least until the end of June and after that it's a question mark whether I'll be extended out further. Time will tell. Meanwhile I continue to tweak the ol' resume.

So it was a special day - the weather warmed up and I even got a couple of lingering tasks I had been struggling to get off my plate completed. My co-worker L took me to lunch and we had a nice outdoor table...finally, some warmth! And the consulting firm I'm currently with does a social event every month called Third Thursday, which is a fabulous way to network with others on our other engagements and just unwind and relax with the team. Usually we gather at the office itself, but our CEO had a great last minute idea for us to meet up at a restaurant right on Lake Washington. Nothing better than great drinks and munchies and laughing with a gorgeous view of the lake and the sunset as your backdrop.

T took me to dinner on Friday at Brix, a wine bar not far from my house which has a wonderful menu and atmosphere. They've been around a few years now and it's fun seeing how they've worked out the startup glitches. We toasted with Lemon Drops (ahhh, hadn't had one of those in awhile) and enjoyed a 3-cheese plate with flatbread crackers before our entrees arrived - I chose the pesto and chicken flatbread pizza (which means leftovers - YUM) and T the roasted chicken breast, beautifully plated with sauteed spinach, potato puree and mushrooms.

After a great Silpada training event yesterday afternoon - always so much fun seeing the girls and meeting new people - I met my folks for dinner at Wild Ginger. This is a wonderful Asian Fusion restaurant and they've now got a suburban location in the Bravern. Verah nice! We picked a few satays (small plates) to get us started (sea scallops, a slice of flank steak with peanut sauce and chicken with green curry) and then we enjoyed a wonderful dinner - family style entrees to pass around - of seared ahi tuna, beef curry and a side dish of pea pods with shiitake and portobello mushrooms in a fabulous oyster sauce. How can I be hungry again just writing about this? The flavors are truly spectacular.

Today starts and ends with hockey. What better way to cap off a birthday weekend! I'm watching the Canucks/Sharks playoff series with fingers and toes crossed. The Canucks have not made it to the western conference finals in over 15 years but they're here now and hungry. Maybe, just maybe this is their time. But I'll keep it at that. Don't want to piss off the Hockey Gods.

And later today I'm running to the mall to exchange a couple of birthday gifts (cute stuff but sized a little too optimistically, ha) and then to the rink tonight for my own team's game. Love love love summer hockey!

So I'm trying to come to grips that I'm now - gasp - 44...and what the hell is it all about anyway? I'm feeling inner tugs and pulls that while I'm very happy to be employed and all, I'm not fulfilled. Not that a job should be one's life fulfillment anyway, but I want to spend my time and energy on things that fuel my inner sparkle and passion. Technology. Writing. Jewelry. Hockey. Fashion. How can I combine my eclectic interests and make a good living?

Ah, now that's more fodder for future posts. Stay tuned!

Beat the Bridge...Beaten

2011-05-15T13:14:00.000-07:00

Ah, bridges.

How much we depend upon our beloved bridges around here in the beautiful Puget Sound region. Pulsing arteries jampacked with cars, buses, bikes - and painfully clogged during those peak commuter hours. We've got so much natural gorgeousness around us...lakes, the Sound (salt water), rivers, mountains - all within a short drive for most of us. Meaning, you can't go far without eventually running into one of those.

Today was the annual Beat the Bridge run/walk to benefit the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation.  The jewelry line I represent, Silpada Designs, has JDRF as its charity of choice. One of the girls on our local team here had a wonderful idea for us to do Beat the Bridge and pledge to donate the commission from one of our jewelry parties as part of our fundraising! What a great idea! With 10 of us participating and an average party commission at around $300 (yes, it's true) we were excited to set our team goal at $3000! Which bridge you may wonder? The University Bridge, not far from the U of W campus where the race starts and finishes.

This was planned back in February. And yes, we had the best of intentions. However, the Universe had other intentions, which I discovered around 6am this morning.

Bottom line, we didn't go. Damn that pouring rain already!

I knew that I'd be walking most if not all of this 8K - and most of the other girls were planning to as well. Back in February I figured this would be a great way to kickstart getting back in shape for this summer's 5Ks by restarting the Couch to 5K plan I've written about in here occasionally over the past year. It's an 8-week running and walking program - just 3 times a week - that gets you ready to run a 5K when you're done. And yes, it works!

But illness and stress earlier this year really sapped my energy and my poor lungs. I had a bad cold and cough for about two months - it just wouldn't go away. It was all I could do to eeek out a game of hockey, much less hit the treadmill or go outside in our (cold, shitty) winter weather. Soggy, soggy soggy.

Nevertheless, I was ready to get out of bed super early and drive to the freeway bus stop where my carpool was going to scoop me up this morning on the way into Seattle.

But let me back up to Saturday for a minute...a glorious, sensuous, warm and sunny day - the kind of day we've been starving for here all spring. Spring so far this year has been a repeat of our rain-soaked, chilly winter sans the snow. I had a few things planned for Saturday but decided to squeeze in another mini-adventure when it dawned on me that I really should verify I know how to get to the freeway bus stop where my carpool was going to pick me up. I had an idea in my mind of how to get there, but realized it had been - gasp - nearly 10 years since I'd ventured to that bus stop with a friend. I'd better go drive over and check it out! And it was a beautiful day - a perfect excuse to open the sun roof and get some vitamin D the natural way, crank some music and just drive.

So what's the big deal about this bus stop? Well, it's perched literally at land's end before the freeway turns into one of our two floating bridges that connect Seattle with the suburbs.  These bridges were built decades ago and at the time were very state of the art given they 'float.'  Lake Washington was determined too deep to do any sort of structural building underneath, hence the floating design. And I'll keep it to that because I'm no expert in structural engineering.

Now, there is an oddly creepy-looking pedestrian bridge over the freeway on the east side of the lake, which is how my friend P and I last got to that bus stop nearly a decade ago. P and I have fallen out of contact and I'd forgotten where we had parked to walk across that bridge, hence my sunny journey in the car yesterday.

Boy am I glad I checked it all out. There are major projects underway to build a second portion of this particular floating bridge to help with congestion...and, as I soon found out, plans to remove that pedestrian bridge! Yep, once I figured out where to park and found the foot trail that was supposed to get me to the pedestrian overpass it was all blocked off. Wow.

So it was a neon yellow vinyl fence that stopped me from my foot journey over the freeway. And I was not one to rebel and climb through. Who knows - it might not be structurally sound any longer. Actually that's not a good feeling since thousands of cars drive under it every day, but anyway I wasn't going to chance it.

But I looked across the freeway and could see people waiting at that elusive bus stop. How the hell did they get over there? There was no parking lot near it at all - just a carved out covered area in a small, grassy hillside to stand or sit.

As I started to get a little frustrated (NOW what?) I paused for a moment and just drank in everything around me. I'm standing on a dirt trail in beautiful sunshine. I'm mere steps from incredibly ritzy homes (in the 'high rent district' neighborhood around here called Medina). And I'm also mere steps from, well, a 20 foot drop down to a roaring river freeway, with the hillside below covered in tangled, dirty weeds from decades of car exhaust. How rare is it we stand still so close to a freeway like this? Thankfully my time roadside has been those rare occasions when I've been in a fender-bender or have a flat tire. It's just astonishing watching and hearing the amount of cars whizzing by every second and being so close perched at the angle above it on the foot trail. I think back on how many thousands of times in my life I have gone back and forth over that bridge. As a child in the back seat of my parents' old station wagon. On my own as a teen and a freshly-minted drivers license in an orange 1970 Volvo (LOVED that car, wow). And countless times as an adult.

I jumped back in my car and drove back to the main road. Aha! I found a small, gravelly parking lot for bus commuters. The trick was to park there and walk over the main road that goes over the freeway, not the pedestrian bridge. Then, jump onto the trail on the bus stop side and voila - you're there! Wow, cryptic. Believe me I tried searching online for maps long before I got in the car. Anyway, a little resourcefulness pays off.

I walked over the freeway, again in awe of the cars whooshing by below me. And looked to the west toward our beautiful, shining Lake Washington and the Olympic Mountains a little hazy along the horizon. This is our back yard. And how awesome it was to take it in on foot rather than as a stressed out commuter. As I stepped onto the foot trail down to the bus stop I ran into a very nice lady out walking her dog. She was disappointed that the pedestrian bridge was now closed off - she sounded like she walked over it fairly often so this might have been a really recent closure.

After my bridge and freeway adventure I drove over to my friend M's house. Back in the car, I laughed to myself and thought WOW, I am SO GLAD I did all that foot trail and bus stop homework a day ahead of time. I am a terrible morning person and I would have been a total zombie case trying to figure it out that morning, worrying my carpool would be held up.

After a quick visit with M (she is going to host a jewelry party in combination with her new office opening and we're so excited!), I headed back home, grabbed a bottle of pinot grigio and walked up to my neighbor A's house. We're getting in a groove of watching any of The Real Housewives series (on Bravo) that she has in her Tivo a couple of times a month. Sadly I have not yet made the switch to flat screen TV but that's another post. If any of you follow the New York housewives, you'll understand the pinot grigio (it's the signature drink of one of the cast).

So after getting caught up with A and laughing our asses off at fabulous trainwreck TV, I headed home to carbo load with some penne and pesto and forced myself to bed early. I knew I had to leave the house around 6am to get to that good ol' bus stop for my carpool.

And, it started to rain. What a huge contrast from the tease of sunny spring we had earlier in the day. I kept optimistic - the weather forcecast for Sunday was a 'chance of showers.' Actually, around here you could use that forecast every day and be pretty accurate.

I was tired this morning. But I got out of bed, got dressed in my walking/running gear and after scaring myself looking in the mirror I dabbed on a small bit of foundation (my face is naturally ruddy so anything to tone it down helps) and a little flick of mascara for those tired eyes. Keys, hat, sunglasses (I'm eternally optimistic plus sensitive to glare)...and...phone.

Wow. My phone had blown up with tons of voicemail and texts last night after I'd forced myself to go to bed early, but I didn't see any of it until early this morning. I keep my phone downstairs at night because I don't feel a need to have it with me 24/7.

When I saw how my carpool driver plus a ton of others in the group were going to cancel, the wind went out of my sails. Just poof and pffffttt. Why cancel? Rain. Yep, it was still raining hard this morning and even still is now in the early afternoon.

So I was a sheep and I bailed too. I felt a little dejected because I was looking forward to trying this race for the first time with friends, but I have to know that it just wasn't meant to be. And I won't dig too deep for the reason right now.

'Cause I'm tired.

After 18 Months...time for a quick mental vacay

2011-05-08T15:12:00.000-07:00

...I'm spending today enjoying Mother's Day and a few family birthday celebrations, so I will be back later this week or next weekend with more fivenineteen ramblings!

Happy Mother's Day to all Moms out there!

Changes Dunked in Silver

2011-05-01T13:18:00.000-07:00

May already?? Wow.

Well, it was quite a week. And how could we not recap a week without a big nod to the Royal Wedding - ? C'mon, even the most anti out there saw a few clips of it or at least the pictures? And maybe even cracked a smile? It was breathtaking. Not so breathtaking for me to feel like getting up at 3am to watch it live, but I do know of a few ladies who did get up early and have a pajama party - with their best HATS on. Love it! And pass the tea and scones, please, darling.

So, changes. Changes are good - good to refresh, re-analyze and re-group.  My work assignment is getting a brief extension at least into the summer - possibly into the fall - but that still has not hashed out. Good Lord have I been back at work nearly a year? Yes indeed. All of that stress and anguish I went through prior to landing this gig won't soon be forgotten. So nice to have it far in the rear view mirror. But with a few scars...and that's OK.

Two of my closest co-workers wrapped up their assignments this week and are moving on. One won't be going too far it turns out, as she'll be joining kind of a 'cousin' team of ours, but I'll miss her 'partner in crime' that she's been this past year. Another is required to take about 3 months off - that's the rules with some kinds of contingent workers - and she is hoping to return and pick up where she left off.

I'm happy for them both but admittedly a little sad. But moreso I have a shitload of hilarious memories.  Things that may have sucked before but are now funny.

I capped off the workweek with a wonderful dinner with my dear friend L at Brix, a wine bar a short drive from my house. She's a part of that circle of friends I get together with a few times a year - we're all about the same age and went to elementary school together. Unwinding over a nice pinot gris and to die for risotto was heavenly. L and I can just smile at eachother and 'know' what we're each thinking. Oodles of memories over some 35 years.

And the silver, silver, silver flows and flows. I'm taking a few extra steps in my Silpada business by doing a sort of correspondence course with a coach at the corporate offices. She sends me 'homework' each week for 4 weeks and I send it back at the end of the week. She sends me feedback, the next week's 'homework,' and we also chat on the phone during the week too.

Ugh. I know myself pretty well and am realizing where I'm doing well in promoting my business and where I suck monkey butt. I have a party next weekend that I'm SUPER excited about. And one night I met up with a good friend I hadn't seen in quite awhile for dinner and half priced bottles of wine. She asked about the jewelry I was wearing, I let her road test a few pieces during dinner, and voila - that evening I had a very nice order from her! So I feel comfortable when people approach me with questions or compliments. I've been complimented on my jewelry from random strangers in the grocery store to the cashier in one of our work cafeterias. You can bet I never go anywhere without my jewelry on and a handful of business cards. Yes, I'm learning the nuts and bolts of direct selling. It's all about connections, people! The woman who is hosting my party next week noticed my jewelry at work and it just flowed from there. You never know!

But I hate picking up the damn phone. It's no problem for me when I'm doing follow up calls to make sure people are happy with their jewelry and to answer any other questions, but just making outbound calls to people I know to talk about what I'm doing and to ask if they'd like to host parties. Well, ew. I am so not a sales person, and frankly, when I get home from work I am tired and the last thing I feel like doing is picking up the phone. I feel like I'm intruding on people's dinner time or other quality time with family. And you know I don't mean to be whiney in here because I DO love what I'm doing as a side business, but that's the area I need to really work on.

And it suddenly dawned on me why.

Email! Texting! Facebook! So much of my immediate circle communication is through non-phone, social media methods! Aha! Is that something unique to me? Or to this part of the country? I have beautiful snail mail postcards in my supplies which are used to send out reminders about parties. I don't know about any of you, but around here we stick with Evite. Is it because it's 'green'? Or technological?  It's SO much easier to set up parties and have reminders sent automatically via email.

So these are some fun self-discovery things...part of the reason I chose to start this business was to get out of my comfort zone and do something I'd never done before. Same as my plunge into hockey back in 2003.

I'll be speaking during part of our monthly team meeting this week and I'm really honored to be asked. It's very informal - just sharing the tips I've learned from this 4-week course I'm doing on my own - but I really appreciate the chance to participate more in our meetings. 'Cause they're super fun!!

And now it's time to head to the bank and run other fun errands. Got a shiny new Silpada license plate frame on my car - let's see what happens!

Is it Easter Writer's Block?

2011-04-24T11:05:00.000-07:00

Nope. On the contrary I have so many things whirling around in my head from this past week to write about that nothing has gelled yet. Not even this rather late in the weekend. Read on and you'll see what I mean.

Work contract extension. Jewelry "homework." Lots of parties this week...from a work party to a great girls night in with my neighbor A to watch reruns of the Real Housewives series on Bravo. Shamelessly. Oh, and Easter. Time with family today. An INTENSE Canucks/Blackhawks playoff series right now (I'm a huge Canucks fan, by the way). A fabulous silent auction last night to benefit a team a few friends will be playing on next week in a tournament to benefit Hockey Fights Cancer. Once I saw the spa package up for bid...AND the TPS hockey stick (a lefty - yay!) decked out in PINK, yep, with the breast cancer awareness ribbons on it...I knew those two beauties would be mine. And they are!

I started the evening yesterday meeting my dear friend J for sushi before we headed to the auction. And ended it meeting another friend J for a drink afterwards at the bar nearby...one of the guys I've know through the league for years but we fell out of contact recently. Good to reconnect. Too funny how I was tired yesterday and didn't think I'd stay at the auction too long, but I ended up heading home close to midnight with a pretty long drive ahead of me.

Now I'm even more tired and ready to hit the coffee before spending some time with my family to celebrate Easter. Can you believe how LATE Easter is this year? It's about as late as it can be.

Ahem, excuse my geekiness, but I happen to know why. There was a full moon just one day prior to the Vernal Equinox (the first day of spring) this year. Easter always needs the Equinox first, then a full moon, then a Sunday. So because a full moon was just the day prior to the Equinox this year, the moon had to go through a whole wax and wane cycle again...it wasn't full again until April 18, a Monday. Since Easter has to be on a Sunday we had to go another week till today, Sunday April 24.

And there's your Easter lesson from a rather tired fivenineteen here. Time to get ready for brunch, visit with family and then glue myself to the Canucks/Hawks game tonight. Can the Canucks finish off the series and send the Hawks to the golf course? Or do we have to go till game 7 to decide this once and for all?

Half Dreams

2011-04-17T11:57:00.000-07:00

I didn't do it. It didn't happen.

This morning was supposed to be my first 5K of the year...the Bellevue 5K/10K which starts and ends in the Downtown Park. My good friend T, fellow 5K'er and partner in crime for all things shopping and all things fabulous sushi, asked me to join her and a few others to do this one. Why not? She and I did two last year, and we were excited to try a different route!

For some reason I had a gut feeling early on that it wasn't meant to be. And it was for something as silly - and frustrating - as the registration process. I went online a few weeks ago to sign up and the damn system put me in the most bizarre loop. I kept getting prompted to register and create an account, starting with my email address. So, after creating a new account, I got an error that my email address was already registered and that I just needed to sign in. Huh?

OK, OK, no problem. Perhaps I did create an account many moons ago with this registration network. But try as I might with a handful of the standard passwords I use, no luck. I then hit the 'forgot my password' button, but got yet another error that 'this email address is not on file - please register.' REALLY? And the same thing happened with three different email addresses. So, the system was hosed. Thankfully T registered on my behalf after I'd tried this a few times to no avail.

If you know me in real life or perhaps read my ramblings here regularly, you may recall I've been under the weather, battling a lingering cold and cough since about February. It's pretty much gone (dang I say that every week...longest decrescendo ever eh?) but it's very apparent how it's sapped my energy level - moreso my voice. I was talking with T yesterday on the phone to figure out timing and where we were going to meet this morning and she asked, "Are you feeling OK? You don't sound so good." I was feeling good, but my ravaged voice sounded otherwise. I guess I've gotten so used to how somewhat raspy it is right now. I told her no, I'm fine, looking forward to tomorrow and all. And I was!

It's a little frightening how horrible a morning person I am becoming. The race started at 8am, which meant I'd have to get up even earlier - on a Sunday - than I typically do for work, to allow enough time to drive, park, pick up my registration packet and all. So I forced myself to bed a few hours earlier than normal, but I tossed and turned like a dumbass. Did I have my alarm set correctly? Did I turn off its weekend sleeper cycle so it WOULD go off on Sunday? DUH. I NEVER worry about that on weeknights!  Anyway, I remember this tossy/turny feeling the nights prior to 5Ks, so I tried to just laugh it off and relax.

Normally my adrenaline kicks in and I bust through my inner fog and get up. But today, that didn't happen. Around 6:30am or so, I stumbled out of bed and went downstairs to text T that I was a no-go. Feeling oh so very turdlike. But I knew deep down she would understand. And she was doing this race with her boyfriend and a few others so I wasn't leaving her high and dry.

Then I went back to sleep. I had no idea how much - or little - sleep I'd gotten the night before, but I sure needed more now. Alarm...off you go.

But in the fuzzy purgatory-ish moments between laying awake and falling asleep, I started having what I call Half Dreams. I'm not fully asleep in a dream when these happen. Rather I have two visions in front of me. First, whatever I would normally see, like the bed blankets, the ceiling or the window...and then an overlay of whatever the dream scene is. Anyone else ever experience these? I've only just noticed them recently. They are mostly very brief scenes of recent memories - things that have happened at work or just hanging around the house here.  And even the memory of the flashing lights in my rear view mirror when I got a speeding ticket last month. Ha.  Somewhere there's some irony and humor about getting a speeding ticket going TO work.

I finally crawled out of bed around 10am. Sweet freakin' bliss. THAT cleansing sleep (and a few Half Dreams) was exactly what I needed. And as I went downstairs a second time to start my day (Take 2!) I smiled as I checked my phone and saw T's text: "Totally understand! Love you!".

Now THAT'S a true friend alright. Can't wait to see her later this week and get caught up over fabulous sushi.

The Nine Year Sage

2011-04-10T14:57:00.000-07:00

This November I will celebrate nine years here in my townhome. Yes, it was Thanksgiving weekend 2002 and I won't ever forget the adrenaline rushes, from waiting on offer respones to the inspection...and the hugeass cashiers checks in my hot little hands. Sweating it a bit as a first-time home buyer...doing this on my own, with no husband or boyfriend. And being in a dual residency position for a few weeks, as the last days of my apartment lease overlapped with when I closed on the place here. I remember thinking oh, this is perfect, I'll have time to paint or whatever before the furniture gets moved in.

Yeah, right.  Turns out I had to go out of town on business for a week, very last minute, and I got home literally at midnight the day of the big move. My pre-move time was focused on packing up endless boxes and making multiple trips to Goodwill. My Mom, bless her heart, offered to help me put shelf paper in all of the kitchen and bathroom cabinets and drawers because there was NONE. Gross. So, after some good scrubdowns and seemingly endless cuttings of shelf paper, we did it. Between the kitchen cupboards and cabinets, plus 3 bathrooms (a powder room, full bath, plus a separate large master open vanity), there was a LOT of surface area to cover.

Trust me, even moving just 3 miles is a huge pain in the butt. I had to get a new phone number (landline) because I'd moved out of whatever zone or grid they were using. [I was late to the cell phone party, just getting my first in 2001, so I was much more reliant on the landline in those years]. And I now also recall how the cell phone reception in my old apartment was pretty bad - we were perfectly poised in a dead spot. Ugh. Other than that, I adored that old apartment. So much I stayed in it nearly 5 years, and it really didn't motivate me to look for a place of my own. The rent was very reasonable, and the amenities in turn were incredible.

I am probably the 5th or 6th owner in this home. These units were built in 1980, and, as cliche as it sounds, they really don't make 'em like this anymore. These units are true townhome style, not cookie cutter square boxes.  Each home has an oversized, 2-car garage. You really, truly don't see large garages in newer condo/townhome construction around here. Maybe a 1 car garage, or a 2 car, tandem style. And STAIRS. Three levels. One of my earliest posts in here was how much I felt grown up when I got stairs of my own. My earliest childhood memories are of my folks' large rambler - we moved to a home with stairs later. To me, as silly as it seems, this meant GROWING UP.

I can only imagine all of the memories jammed in my house from the past 30 years. Lordy, just my short block of nine is chock full.  Painting - doing it on my own and schlepping back and forth to the local Home Depot. Countless trips to Bed, Bath and Beyond. Holy crap, now I had THREE bathrooms to furnish, not just one! Updated window treatments. Workin' on that curb appeal. Not to mention the social memories - too countless to list here.

I met the sellers of my place very briefly, and they mentioned that they had 6 ferrets as pets, but replaced all of the carpet and flooring once they moved out. FERRETS? SIX? Faint. Did I really need to know this?

They may have replaced the carpet and flooring, but took the fridge and washer dryer. Not very appealing to a buyer necessarily, BUT it gave me good leverage in negotiating a price. After all, I would need to fork out a few grand to purchase appliances. At least they would be new.

How much updating have I done in here beyond that? Well, not as much as I'd hoped after nearly a decade, but I have a tendency to be overly self-critical. Between a large outside repair assessment (for our entire HOA), and later a large, individual project for me to rip out and redo my back deck, those were large chunks of spending for sure.  But so worth it. I have a nearly 400 square foot back deck which is private. I've had a ton of fun painting and playing around with bold colors, plus I just adore the custom wood blinds I've added in the living room and bedrooms. Replaced the microwave and stove too.  The fridge now, ahem, twice. [See my 'Refrigerator Drama' post from last fall on that episode].

And yet in this age of super-large kitchens, granite countertops and slate tile flooring, well, I have yet to make any of those updates. Hell, I still have popcorn ceilings which need to be sprayed down and scraped. For real. No floor molding updates either, as I ripped out the yucky brown stuff when I painted. And some old, scary dark brown doors on the upper floor need replacing. I did the downstairs doors but was on the brink of a job change and held off doing the whole house, grr. Now I wish I had. Too funny how I have the doorknob hardware all ready to rock - but no new doors. Yes, the list is long.

So what's the deal with saging? Well, several of my friends have done it and really recommend it. It's cleansing and gets rid of negative energy in a house - moving into a new home is a perfect time to sage.

The sage I purchased is about the size of very small bundle of asparagus. You light it, blow out the flame, and let the rest of the 'torch' smolder. Spring has yet to really, well, spring, around here but it wasn't raining so I decided to do it today and open up all the doors and windows here in the house.

And no, the smoke alarm did not go off, whew.

You're supposed to go clockwise in each room with the sage smoke, saying a blessing meanwhile. Clean, clean clean. All of the bad memories for me in this house BE GONE, plus who knows what else happened prior to me moving in. I know a woman died in here a couple decades ago but honestly that never has really freaked me out. What else happened? Doesn't really matter now - the vibes if any are gone.

Call me cuckoo, but I DID feel better after doing this. And the smell was not overwhelming at all - in fact it was gone after about 30 minutes - all I felt was fresh air after that. Nice.

Title of Post Goes Here

2011-04-03T17:16:00.000-07:00

Never have I been so happy to flip a calendar page! Welcome, APRIL!! March, well, you were great for the first five or six days, then you pretty much blew chunks. Better luck next year.

You know what's great about blogging? The power of the written word never ceases to amaze me. I've had a fair amount of feedback on my March posts, for example...from empathy and support all the way to 'get over it...for fuck's sake stop blogging about it.'  Hmm. Us Taureans are masters at digging in our heels...we'll do whatever we want to, when we want to. And I'm extremely flattered that people read my writing. It's from me all the way down to my toes. You might not always like what you read in here.  Some of my posts I'm very proud of, while others might be mediocre or clunkers. But you can be assured it's all Me.

After about a year and a half blogging (this is my 110th post - wow) I smile and laugh at the variety of topics in here. Maps. Makeup. Childhood memories. Food. The almighty Job Hunt. Whatever it is, I've stayed true to my self-imposed 'rules' in here: no names - initials only. It's OK to call out locations (cities, restaurants, shops) by name but not people. Stay away from political or religious-themed posts. Too polarizing. And the biggest rule of all?

No apologies and no regrets.

When you know you want to start a blog but have zero idea what it's going to be about - well, you need a LITTLE structure, right? I know damn well that once something's out here I can't take it back.  Sure, I can remove posts but it really can't be undone. I am human and gloriously flawed as we all are. Some stuff in here may later be cringe-worthy once more time has passed, but it's documented, out there and I can't (and don't want to) do anything about that.

I made one of my favorite dishes last night - Moroccan style chicken with olives. The spice combination is incredible: cumin, ground ginger, cinnamon, paprika and a little cayenne pepper. Combine that with garlic, sauteed chicken in olive oil, kalamata olives, a couple bay leafs, white wine and chicken stock...the aroma is heavenly. Therapeutic even. I threw in a can of diced tomatoes when I discovered that my newest cookbook also has a version of this recipe too.

Still battling through this second cold/sore throat - whatever it's going to evolve into. I volunteered last week with a few co-workers at a middle school where they were conducting police training.  They needed actors to simulate various scenarios in a school shooting, such as people running down the hallways screaming, or being hostages held up in a classroom with the shooter. It's a really great experience and the police are so very appreciative of our time so they can train on how to handle what's become a sad fact of reality in our schools - and workplaces too. We wore multiple layers of clothing plus protective headgear as the ammo they use in the training is like paintball on steroids. The headgear is a little like Darth Vader meets Miner's Helmet. Hard to breathe. I got overheated and maybe somehow that made me vulnerable to getting sick again. All I know is I wasn't feeling very good once we were finished, like a bad wave washing over me. But I will definitely volunteer again!

I was chatting with my good friend T today and she reminded me that emotional stress has probably affected my health too. I think she's right. She also recommended saging my house. Gets rid of negative energy. Bad juju. Now, I'm pretty open-minded about stuff but I have always kind of pooh-pooh'd saging. Plus, I don't want my house smelling like I had a million friends over smoking pot all weekend.

But, I jumped in my car and headed down to the PCC - a food co-op and organic grocery store chain here in the Seattle area. I knew that if I wanted sage, that was the closest, most convenient place to find it. And how wonderful to re-discover this store. I used to frequent it far more often when my work commute took me right by it on the way home a couple of years ago. And when I delved into raw food "cooking" and vegan cooking it was one of the best places to find specialty ingredients.  With super nice, helpful staff. We are so fortunate here to have such an amazing variety of higher-end, specialty grocery stores.

Is it expensive? Sure. But, after reading The Primal Blueprint I totally get and agree with the author's argument that doing away with processed foods, energy drinks, energy bars, whole grains, dairy, etc means more $$ to devote to what's truly good and healthy for our bodies. Pick up the book if you can - it's a great read and Mark Sisson says it far better than I can here.

So, off I went to purchase some sage. I also stumbled upon some fish oil capsules (I haven't tried these either but they are highly recommended). And I found my favorite gluten-free crackers. I've had a hard time battling my weight gain, which was very gradual over the past 7 or 8 years (after losing about 30 lbs walking a few miles a day for a few months). And I have a weakness for late-night snacking. Things like chips with super hot chipotle salsa and a blob of sour cream. I need to think more about what I'm putting in my body and try staying away from too many carbs, gluten and such. Plus, cutting back on dairy. Now, I've never met a cheese I didn't like, and that's a hard one to give up, honestly.  Just a tiny wedge of delicious brie at breakfast can keep me content all the way till lunch. Sounds a little weird I know.

I'm going to try this healthier eating discipline and see where it takes me. Snacking on a handful of (unsalted) nuts. Or gluten free pretzles. Flax seed chips. Holding off on the cheese. Trying rice pasta whenever possible, or running steamed cauliflower through the food processor as a substitute for rice. Can I do this? And wave the smoldering sage around my house, once it's nice enough weather to open the windows?  You bet.

And I just found this treat on a friend's Facebook page. Love it.

"This morning at 7:33 AM (Pacific), the Moon renewed itself in Aries... New Moons are always opportunities for setting intentions, for starting, for letting go of what was... Well, what’s going on is that it’s time to be getting on. Time to get on with what needs to be done. Time for all the ways you’ve thought about it to become reasons for how you are doing it. — Jon Waldrup, Sense of Vision Astrology"

Now, when's it supposed to warm up around here anyway?

Passion by Participation

2011-03-27T13:47:00.000-07:00

As I fire up the keyboard here I'm realizing this post will likely be in two parts - some rambling on how I'm doing and then more about the post title. But hey, it's my blog and my rocks rolling around in my head so there we are.

My physical and emotional health both took a nosedive this month.  But I think I can say that my cough is pretty much gone. Just some hacking in the morning and a little in the evening when I'm tired. After 3 weeks of this, you bet I'm sick of being sick!

Emotionally...well...overall I'm feeling good and putting the whole breakup thing behind me. Every day it's farther in the rear view mirror and more of a capsule of really great memories rather than anything to feel sad about.

Are he and I in contact, you may wonder? No, and we won't be. When he called that night to break up I was in shock. But somewhere at the end of our conversation I think we'd agreed to speak again in a few days. I was going to call him, yep, we agreed to that. But since then I got removed off Facebook...un-friended. Wow, the quirky world of Facebook. Whatever...OK.  And couple of my friends called his breaking up over the phone cowardly. Perhaps...but it doesn't matter in the end. It's still over and wasn't my choice. I don't feel a need to label it. So no, I didn't call him.

Does he read this blog? He sure did at first. And loved it. Even shared it with some good friends of his on his trip to Australia last month. Perhaps it was my first post-breakup post that he didn't like so much. I'd bet money he's read it. If he has great; if not, great. It's my words and my feelings and isn't intended for anyone in particular.  There are a fair amount who tune in here regularly (thank you!) and a few who stumble in here on accident (another thank you!).

If you haven't seen that first post-breakup post yet, it's a couple weeks back, "Misled and Broken." And it's not a bashfest on him. I don't operate that way...and as angry as I am (OK, was as we're moving past this) about having my head and heart fucked with, I can't be angry at HIM. Does that make any sense? That's a hard one to articulate.

There are a few last dangly things I want to share in here about how I'm feeling post-breakup. I did feel a little down yesterday as the 26th was supposed to be a special night for he and I. First, the plan was to go to a fundraiser/auction of some sort. I remember when he sent the email with the scoop...I thought WOW. He's already thinking ahead and wants me to do more stuff aways out! What can I say - that may not be a big deal for some, but that's HUGE for me. Makes me feel really happy, included and wanted. Loved.

But the plans for that night later changed into going out with a large group to celebrate his birthday - something he does every year. Sounds even better! In fact, if I remember correctly, he told me about this change of plans just a few days before we split. Now, how can you already be thinking about pulling away from someone but tell them hey, instead of going to the auction we're going out with a bunch of people for my (his) birthday? I don't get it. Maybe his decision to break up was a super spontaneous one. Or maybe the chat we had at my place the week prior was my warning shot over the bow. It doesn't matter now. I just felt a little wistful last night knowing we'd had plans to be out celebrating. Plans that he moved forward with and that no longer included me. And with these words I close the door and move on.

A couple weeks ago I was changing the sheets on my bed and stubbed my toe on something just under the dust cover. Oh yeah...some, um, props for the boudoir. Specifically, hand restraints. Am I blushing as I type this? What can I tell you - don't knock it till you try it, people. Tangent warning: I have never had any issues or hangups with sex. And with very, very few exceptions, I've never had what anyone would call 'bad' sex. Meaning, chemistry's usually not an issue. But props/accessories...well, I've never really ever felt they were necessary nor have any of the men in my life ever suggested using them - till now.

And now they were sitting in a heap under my bed. What to do?

I then realized I still had a book he'd loaned me: The Primal Blueprint, by Mark Sisson. It promotes the primal (or paleo) way of eating - meaning, to eat like our ancestors did in the hunter/gatherer years, the way our bodies are genetically programmed! Lots of lean meats, vegetables and fruits. Hold off on the grains, dairy and processed foods. G raved about this book and I'd browsed through it on a couple occasions in his kitchen when he was cooking us dinner. It really is a fascinating book. There are 9809824 diet and nutrition books and theories out there. What really works? I don't read a lot of diet books, but this one literally jumped out at me...the same way the Carbohydrate Addicts book did about 15 years ago. I liked it so much I recently purchased the accompanying cookbook. Yum.

And as I was rearranging things in my pantry I found a small, round tupperware container of flour. The first time I cooked for us I made my signature corn chowder with potatoes, fennel and bacon - using the bacon he'd made himself. I needed just a tablespoon of flour for the roux and was totally out. And I was in that mode where I'd done all the chopping and prep work and was not in a position to run to the store to get flour. When you need flour, you really can't substitute anything else! So, G to the rescue bringing some by at the last minute!

So we've got flour, a book, and bedroom hand restraints. I've had a few episodes after breakups where we each needed to return stuff we had at eachother's houses - clothes, makeup, shoes or other things. Never those 3 things, much less all at once! Random!! And normally it's done in person, meeting up. This time it just didn't feel right to do it that way.

So I thought hmm, what to do with these 3 things? I ended up putting them in a brown grocery bag and drove up to his place late one night and put it in the back entry area near his car. Some of my friends said I was too nice to do this - should have just tossed everything in the trash. But that's not how I roll. Again, I can't label behavior like that as "too nice" or whatever the hell it is. It was something I needed to do and it felt good. And there was nothing of any significance of mine that was still at his place. Just a toothbrush. And now closing another door with these words.

Those 3 random things DO have significance...they point to 3 areas that are so important to me in relationships, and things he and I had no issues with period.  Cooking, food and sex...basic needs we all have as humans.

So now, I think about Passion. Passion for cooking a great meal, sharing it with friends, and then passion later that night (and morning) with your special someone. Doesn't get much better than that.  When I look back on my short time with G, I am inspired (re-inspired) to cook and cherish my love of food. I was reminded that you don't need a huge, gourmet kitchen to cook incredible meals for your family and friends. G's post-divorce apartment has a great floor plan.  The kitchen is, well, your basic apartment kitchen - perhaps a "2 butt" size - enough for two people to cook together, and very basic appliances. But the cooking that came out of that kitchen - for just the two of us or a group of 12 - phenomenal.

And, transitioning topics here and onto what was more the point of this post (see, I DO always come back after longass tangents), "passion by participation" popped into my head one day. I think it was a crappy and stressed day at work that did it. We're on the brink of a large launch in the next few weeks, and our team's pretty beat down and stressed.  No matter how hard we plan, we discover stuff that still needs to be done last minute. And we panic, freak out...but get it done. But we need to do a better job of collaborating under stress. Rather, we scurry into our silos and shut eachother out. Given my job is to provide planning and scheduling among other things, our actual way of executing on tasks flies in the face of my basic principles. But, our group and what we're working on is new, so the opportunities are incredible and boundless. There's a lot of "we don't know what we don't know." Myself included. And to survive in this group, you have to be comfortable being uncomfortable.

I am a pretty good multi-tasker, but when I get stressed and overwhelmed I spin out and clue out. I even had an astrologer once tell me, during a natal chart reading, that I'm prone to "clue-ing out" more than others. Darn you, Neptune! [Just kidding - I can't remember which planetary alignment is to blame, ha ha]. Combine that with a therapist about a decade ago who introduced me to the word "negating." Brushing things off, nullyfying...oh dear this could be a whole 'nother post down the road. Lots of issues there. I'm fighting back - HARD.

I DO get my clue-ing out-ness quirk and how it gets worse when I'm under stress. Throw in a little PMS (typically I have one bad day a month) and I'm pretty much an inarticulate, blubbery mess for 24 hours.

What do I do about it? How do I stretch myself to improve? I decided I'm going to try very, very hard, no matter what I'm doing, to focus only on that one particular thing and not let other buzz distract me. When my world at work is a sea of emailing flying around, interruptions and back to back meetings, that's pretty damn hard to do! But can I do it better? And if so, will that improve the quality of my work? Or perhaps my relationships? How about my Silpada jewelry business? Or my hockey?

Passion starts with participation. Showing up! Being present mentally and physically! Ignoring other noise and distractions! YES! THIS is what I'm going to focus on for the next week, month, year...however long it takes till it becomes a habit.

I've got a lot of work to do. And I'm ready.

Recombobulating

2011-03-19T14:46:00.000-07:00

"Well, at least you've still got your humor."

I've quipped this a few times and it came up again yesterday when I was taking a (very rare) long lunch with a co-worker. Our group moved to a different building a few weeks ago, and it's been a very nice change of scenery. And a much lighter and brighter building. Plus there's a Mexican restaurant very close by. We toasted to the end of a rough week. As much as a margarita was very, very tempting, I stuck with plain iced tea. Going back to work after having a drink makes me incredibly bloated and sleepy. Probably not a good mode to be in when you need to crank out a few reports.

I made up for it when I met a couple great friends for happy hour that evening.

Anyway, I think I do have a good knack for eeking out humor, no matter how shitty the situtation is. But it definitely can take a little time to surface.

Guys, if you're going to dump me, don't do it on the brink of Daylight Savings Time. Howzat? Holy crap I have been through the emotional and physical wringer. I've been sick since late February-ish. And I still can't quite shake this cough. My lung power's thrashed. It really shows when I play hockey and it's cut into my gym time. I've got some 5Ks to train for this year, people!

DST's only an hour jump forward, but it might as well be 8. UGH. I'm a terrible morning person and it really takes a good week or two for me to adjust. Combine that with my health and emotions very out of wack and I've been sleeping. A lot. Call it cliche, but sleep IS the best medicine. I've taken a couple sick days from work (very, very rare for me) and after letting people know I'll be out I would go back to bed and sleep. Until 1pm or so.

And I was just minutes "post-dumped" when the earthquake and tsunami in Japan popped onto the news. Holy moly, the quake's now upgraded to a 9.0. I hope I never, ever have to experience the horror. I was extremely worried about my parents who were in Hawaii and had to evacuate that Thursday evening. And sleep in their car on higher ground near a school. My folks have had some sort of drama nearly every year they've gone to Hawaii on vacation. Their cat died one year. We had flooding here at home another year and were worried their house would be damaged. Last year it was the tsunami evacuations following the earthquake in Chile. This year...well my Mom THOUGHT that finding a mouse in their condo kitchen on their first night was going to be the drama this year. Turns out it sure wasn't.

So...recombobulating. The word makes a lot of sense - and makes me giggle too. I wrote it down randomly a few nights ago on a piece of paper here and I thought, yep, that's what I'm going to do - and write about this week.

This blog's been a real mishmash of topics. Hence why I almost called it Random Crap when I was first getting it underway. I took a risk blogging about my dating episode earlier this year, for I'd kindasorta made a mini sort of vow to myself that I wouldn't ever blog on my dating life. Do I regret doing so? Nope. It was a very fun and powerful (and brief turns out) interlude in my life and now it's documented.

How am I recombobulating? Well, how delicious that we're on the brink of Spring. The Vernal Equinox is tomorrow and THAT'S new beginnings and changes. For real and huge. So the tick-tock of time marching forward resonates deep in me and will naturally realign and readjust my being and soul.

I'm also thinking about what I want to write on and focus on (outside of work) in these upcoming months. I've got a very beautiful and growing sterling silver jewelry inventory given my Silpada side business. Business itself has been a tad slow, but my team members say that January and February typically are slow. Gotta love a side job where you can WEAR your inventory with passion. If I could sell this jewelry full-time and make a good living I'd do it in a heartbeat. I've been feeling tiny tugs and pulls inside me that my job - while I'm grateful to HAVE one - isn't feeding my soul. I have cravings for more creative work and things fashion/beauty focused. And writing. I've been doing - loosely - the same type of work professionally for over a decade. I'm pretty good at it and continually keep my mind open to learn, but I feel it's time for a career change. But that's going to require a lot more brainstorming, and likely finding a good coach/mentor.

I'm also going to blow the dust off my slow cooker and do some Cuban style chicken tonight. Then tomorrow whip up a batch of bolognese sauce - in the slow cooker - and try it with polenta. I have one of the Williams-Sonoma Slow Cooker recipe books and everything looks incredible.

So stay tuned for more. More of what I don't know. But that's the fun of blogging...while I recombobulate.

Misled and Broken

2011-03-12T15:39:00.000-08:00

...and let's throw in Fucking Mad while we're at it. How. How in the possible hell can things just turn on a dime, shut off and shut down?

I got dumped on Thursday night. Yeesh, there's no worse feeling out there eh? Makes me recoil and hunch over in my chair here as I type. And I'm ANGRY. Angry that he fucked with my head and dare I say my heart too.

I drank the Koolaid, man. I believed. I believed everything he did and said a million percent. This is different, I told myself. This is special. Hell, I even went out on a limb here to blog about this, this 'burgeoning relationship' to use his words.

I just don't get it. The time together, the discoveries, generosity, listening, laughing, caring, calling, texting, his incredible cooking, the massages, the mind-blowing sex, the gifts, 'this song reminds me of you' and...introducing me to his friends - his family, really. Friends I really enjoyed meeting and well, I felt honored to be included in his special circle. Which is now cruelly yanked away. Folks, this is the guy who even kindasorta made me change my mind about Valentines Day - how it isn't so meh after all. When you get a very thoughtful, sexy gift for V-Day - and get it in January because he's going to be out of the country on the actual day - well, jeebus, how can you not get swept up in THAT??

My inboxes blew up. Home email. Facebook email. My voicemail...my texts...good gawd this man blanketed me - joyously - with wonderful musings, thoughts, just random stuff. Not overwhelming at all. Just a great dose of hey, I'm thinking about you and on and on.

He even read this Blog. THAT'S a huge compliment to me. Fivenineteen's been my outlet, baby and solace here for the past year and a half. I was so flattered that he actually found it - I'd mentioned it on our first date - and on our second date shared what he'd read. "I knew I liked you...but now I adore you."

And the real kicker. Making plans in advance.  When he and I first met, he would always ask me out again while we were together. And gawd I purred. And when he would ask me to do things a few weeks out - after just knowing him a few weeks - well, I felt beyond flattered. Because in my book that implies there will be not only that to look forward to, but a whole lot of great times in between. "So, when can I see you again?" Strum my strings.

I knew we were in a sort of honeymoon bubble that would pop at some point. That's normal and all. And I'd only known him since early January really...and then he was in Australia two weeks and then we were each sick around the same time after that - yuck. Holy fuck, I got more emails from him when he was in Australia than I did the past few days. "I miss you" "I can't wait to see you". Musings on what he's doing there, wondering if I like to travel and what I'd think of xyz...I picked him up from the airport and after incredible Welcome Back sex, we snuggled together and he whispered, "now I really feel like I'm home."

Am I some dumbshit to actually BELIEVE all these things he's said and done? About cry at the gorgeous opal bracelet he bought me? Gaze into his eyes and feel something deep that stirs me to my core?

I opened my heart wide.

I knew there were things he was struggling with too. Ugly echoes and legacies of his past...his childhood. His marriage. This time of year is especially shitty as it's the anniversary of two deaths - his father's and his marriage. I get that - as best I can. We're not 20 and we've been around the block. We've all got baggage. And we hopefully are self-aware and deal. He even confided about some addictions he's working through, actively. Things that maybe raised my eyebrows but I didn't run screaming out the door. Things that aren't illegal by any means. OK, OK...I'm actually honored he would open up about that. Hell, I opened up to him about things that I'm not proud of - things that I haven't even shared with my closest girlfriends.

So after this past weekend...he went dark. Was this the honeymoon bubble bursting? I didn't initially get overly concerned...I mean hey, a little space is OK - after all we'd spent a good chunk of the weekend together. And I was still craving a little more sleep as I'm at the tail end of this cough.

By Thursday I was all nope - this is bullshit. I called him and he called back a little later. We've never gone more than a day with zero contact.

"I don't want to date you. I don't feel the spark and chemistry anymore."

I about dropped the phone. He sounded like he was reading fucking cue cards.   And you know what? I call BULLSHIT. I don't believe him. OK, I'm not all that - I know this, people - but mind-blowing chemistry like what he and I have/had doesn't just plop over to black like that. G, there are people out there LIKE ME who GIVE A SHIT and BELIEVE IN YOU. There are two people in this - how can you just pull the escape artist here and say nope, sorry, I'm done? Do you honestly expect me to be oh OK, no worries, no problem?? I don't believe it. And that's the first time I've ever doubted anything he's ever said to me.

But I kinda went numb. Mere minutes later I heard about the huge earthquake in Japan and the tsunami warnings. Oh no, here we go again...my folks are on vacay in Hawaii and - for the 2nd year in a row - have had to evacuate. Amazingly I was able to reach my Dad on his cell and hear how they were doing. Thank God they are safe.

I woke up Friday morning thinking maybe it was all a bad dream. Then my stomach went *thud* and I knew it wasn't obviously.

I went so numb I didn't realize I was speeding to work, doing 50 in a 35 zone. Ugh. Flashing motorcycle lights. A $195 ticket? OK, whatever, Officer. Seriously. I just shrugged and thought...whatever.

So yeah, there's anger. Moreso than sadness. I have no freaking clue why I picked a picture of Yosemite for this week; guess it just looks pretty and calming - probably what I could use right now.

Is this truly the end of the story? I guess only time will tell; he and I agreed I'd call him in a few days or so. Honestly I'm not even sure that's worth it or if I'm even going to. He's made his point clear, as crappily as it was delivered. Sorry, but when you set the bar high like he did, well, you expect more. Even with the Exit. And nope, I don't believe what he said one iota.

Sorry.